A Restless Resolve
by 14tara14
Summary: Sakura has been rather busy since Sasuke left on his journey for redemption. A lab experiment, a meddling sensei...not to mention that troublesome ninja who just had to go and make himself interesting. Too bad love confessions aren't exactly part of her skill set. Shikamaru/Sakura
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Naruto is not mine, I am simply barrowing them for a bit of fun.**

**A big shout out to my beta ****kwizten who helped me re-edit this. **

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Chapter 1

I lay on my back, staring up at the sky in contemplation. The air was sweet and warm; each whimsical brush carrying with it the music of peace and life. The sky was a blushing intermingling of whites, blues and reds, all swirling together in a dance of farewells.

Sometimes I wished all farewells could be as beautiful as this.

I sighed and shook my head, as if the motion would unhinge the bittersweet thoughts that plagued my mind.

Shikamaru.

Everything about him, from the sound of his name to the intensity of his eyes, left me in such scattered turmoil I hardly knew what to do. I couldn't even recall when it started. It was almost like a sunrise.

When Sasuke left, he took what little remained of my heart with him. For a time I felt dead inside, as if all the warmth left inside me was lost. Shikamaru showed me it never left. At first it was gradual, small flecks of color hidden in passing nods of acknowledgment, and I hardly even noticed. But over the years those nods turned into greetings, which over time evolved into conversations, and then eventually laughter. Real laughter, not fake puffs of sound so short and polite they could be considered as nothing but a courtesy, but real gut-wrenching bellows that brought tears to my eyes and a smirk to his lips.

Everything about him was cast in warmth, and it coaxed from me what I thought I'd lost, the ability to love without pain. He had, in more ways then one, become my light. Once I came to realize that, it was only a matter of time before I began to fall for him, and how could I not? Not only was Shikamaru intelligent, but also fiercely loyal towards those he cared about. He was undeniably handsome, and while quite and reserved, held more passion in his eyes than most contained in their entire body…just thinking about them made me blush. At first I had only ever seen them as dull reflections to his eternal boredom and laziness, but after really spending time with him I began to notice how, when he talked about things he was passionate about, his eyes would burn with a fire as mesmerizing as they were dangerous. They engulfed me in such heat I could not - _would not_ \- look away.

Every time he looked at me my heart would race, desire pooling in my stomach and creating such a feeling of longing inside me that I hardly knew what to do. It was probably why I was lying there among the trees, rather than being in the village with my friends. Lately, so as to figure out what to do about this whole mess, I'd been avoiding him. He hadn't said anything about it, but I knew it was only a matter of time.

Ino, of course, thought I was being a blockhead and told me to just kiss him already. But I couldn't. It's not that I didn't want to, because believe me, I _wanted_ to. It's just…I looked back on the way I followed Sasuke around; the way I basically threw myself at him was more than humiliating.

I drove Sasuke away; I wasn't about to do the same with Shikamaru.

I sighed again in frustration, throwing both my arms over my eyes. Kami, this was hopeless…

"Oh, Sakuraaaa…"

The sound of his voice came from right beside my ear. I screamed in shock and sprang to my feet so fast I lost my balance and fell flat on my ass. I could feel the pounding pulse in my throat increase with embarrassment as my face turned beet red. How the hell did he sneak up on me like that?!

Shikamaru's roaring laughter only made my face heat up more. I quickly looked away. My heart finally settled from the shock, but it didn't exactly stop racing. It was a rare sight to see Shikamaru laugh like that, after all. Usually his laughter was contained to light chuckles and snarky smirks, his eyes shimmering in amusement. Kami, did I love his laugh. I loved the way it lit up his face and took over his entire body.

He was so close, so achingly close. He must have been lying on his stomach next to me when he spoke, judging by the heat of his breath on my ear. I didn't know what was more embarrassing: my reaction to him, or the fact that he had gotten so close without me even realizing it.

"So this is where you've been hiding all day?" Shikamaru chuckled once he calmed down. He rolled over to lay on his back before turning to me, lifting his eyebrow and smirking in amusement. He patted the space next to him before locking his hands behind his head and turned towards the still-fading skyline. "Can't say I disapprove," he continued. "Although your technique for watching sunsets could be better – they're a lot more enjoyable when your arms aren't covering your eyes."

I snorted in reply before moving to lie down beside him, not taking my eyes off his face the entire time. He must have felt my stare because he turned towards me, his face now serious.

"Long time no see, huh Sakura?" And there it was: the question. I turned away from him, casting my eyes towards the sky once more. Most of the soft yellows and blues had hardened to reds and purples, the landscape blackening with shadow.

"How long were you watching me for?" I counteracted, not ready to explain my reasons for avoiding him. He sighed, probably from frustration. Quickly shifting my eyes towards him I saw him turn back to the sky, looking pained. I hastily looked away. _Coward_, I thought to myself.

"Just a few minutes," he answered, tone light and thoughtful, but I could hear the twinge of sorrow hidden beneath it all. "I thought you were just ignoring me. Of course I wasn't expecting you to actually freak out like that when I said your name. The look on your face was priceless though, totally worth the effort."

"Troublesome," I said under my breath, completely mortified. I couldn't believe I didn't notice Shikamaru watching me for that long! How lame could I get!?

Shikamaru's snort of amusement told me he heard my last comment.

"Pfft, first you're cloud watching, now you're copying my speech? If I rub off on you any more, the Hokage will have my head." I could only blush. Considering how much time we spent together, it was only logical for us to influence one another, but it was horribly embarrassing to think of how much Shikamaru had influenced _me_ in particular_. _

"Yeah, probably," I agreed. We fell silent after that. It wasn't a comfortable one though; I could practically feel the gears turning in Shikamaru's head, as if contemplating his next move.

"So…" he started hesitantly, "you must have been thinking pretty seriously to not even notice your surroundings."

"Not really," I lied.

_Tell him you love him_, my inner demanded. _What's the worst that could happen? _I ignored her.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he tried again. I could feel his eyes on me, scrutinizing my every move as if he could pull out all the answers with just a look. He wasn't that far off with his logic. There was very little I could deny him when he looked at me that way.

"Nothing worth repeating," I replied softly. He made me so nervous that I began slowly pulling blades of grass from the ground, just so I could do something with my hands. I'm sure he didn't miss the motion. "I was just thinking about the past…how things are just so different now. That's all, nothing important, really."

_Stop being a coward! Tell him! _

_I don't want to push him away!_ I argued.

_You're already doing it by hiding like this. Tell him._

I could tell from the look on his face that he didn't buy it. Time stretched on with neither of us saying a word. The last glimmers of light trickled away into darkness. The moon took the sun's place, lighting up the night sky with billions of scattered stars. The wind was no longer as warm, and I shivered with the cool air.

I was still pulling at grass when Shikamaru's hand closed over mine, halting my fidgeting. I stiffened with surprise, immediately whipping my head to look at our intertwined fingers before slowly lifting my eyes to meet his. He was no longer lying beside me, but instead hovered over me in a half crouch, his face mere inches from mine. Goosebumps sprouted all over my body, and I knew it had nothing to do with the cooling temperature. I could feel my pulse increase as my heart beat faster and faster. I tried to look away from him but couldn't. He looked so pained, so uncertain, a stark contrast to his usual bravado.

"Did I do something? Is that it?" he asked, his eyes searching mine. Shame flooded my heart. Of course he would think that, with the way I've been avoiding him.

"No, of course not!" I denied immediately. I tried to move away from him to face him better, but he wouldn't allow me to budge. If anything, his grip tightened even further.

"Then why have you been avoiding me?" he demanded.

"I haven't!"

"Yes, you have."

"Shikamaru, please, I—"

"Have I said something to anger you? Did I hurt you in some way?"

"No!"

"Then _why_?" Shikamaru exploded, his anger replacing the pain. "You've been avoiding me for days now. You refuse to look me in the eye, and you won't talk to me. Cut the crap and tell me what I've done so I can fix it."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I could feel the traitorous tears dancing along the edges of my eyes, just waiting to fall. What had I done? I just wanted space to think, and without even realizing it, I was hurting him. I had to fix this, but before I could explain, I felt his right palm gently cupping my cheek, his thumb carefully sweeping away the tears that had only just begun to fall. I froze, unable to move, unable to speak. He was so close, so very, very close.

"Is it Sasuke?" he asked, no longer angry.

"_What?_" I shrieked, finally finding my voice. I immediately pushed Shikamaru away so I could sit up straight. He didn't fight me this time, but instead shifted further from me. He stared at me for a moment before breaking eye contact, running his hand over his forehead and sighing in discontent.

"You're still in love with him." It wasn't a question. I could feel my heart sink into my stomach at his words. He was wrong, I didn't love Sasuke anymore, and I hadn't for a long time. But how could I make him believe me?

I had to tell him.

_Yes, TELL HIM, _my inner voice cheered. I tried to gather my courage but I was scared, so very scared of being rejected once more.

"You're wrong!" I told him, putting as much conviction into my voice as I could. "I don't love him anymore."

"Sakura, you don't have to lie to me, I get it."

"No, you don't!" I insisted, jumping to my feet. Shikamaru mirrored my stance, but this time it was me who moved closer. I had to tell him. I _needed_ to tell him.

"I don't love him, I—"

"YO, SAKURA! SHIKAMARU! THERE YOU GUYS ARE!" Naruto's voice cut in between us, affectively stopping me in my tracks. Shikamaru never looked away from me though; instead he patiently waited for me to finish. But I couldn't. Not with Naruto here.

I hung my head in defeat, turning towards the oncoming ninja in orange. He wasn't alone, Ino and Sai trailing behind him. Putting on a fake smile, I walked towards them. Shikamaru followed shortly behind me, but unlike me, he did little to hide his aggravation.

"Naruto. Sai. Ino-pig."

"Billboard brow," Ino cheerfully shot back without missing a beat.

"We've been looking all over for you guys!" Naruto chimed in. "We were about to head to Ichiraku for ramen. Wanna join?"

"I'll pass," Shikamaru responded. I couldn't help but wince at the sharpness in his tone. "The Hokage gave me a bunch of reports to look over…such a bother. Anyway, you know how she is with deadlines." Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Shikamaru turned to leave, but not before giving me a meaningful look. "We'll talk later," was all he said before nodding to the others and walking away. Naruto seemed to miss the tension between us, but from the looks Sai and Ino shared, they did not.

"Okay…well how about you, Sakura? You're free, right?" I hesitated a moment, not sure if I felt like company.

"I think I'll pass as well. I have an early shift at the hospital tomorrow and should probably get some sleep."

"But Sakura, you're _always_ busy! We hardly get to see each other! Come on, it's just for a little while, can't you come?"

"I don't know…" I trailed off. He was right, of course. By avoiding Shikamaru, I had inadvertently avoided just about everyone else as well.

"An hour out with us isn't going to kill you," Ino insisted. "You really should join us."

I sighed in defeat. "Okay, okay, I'll come, but I can't stay out too late, alright?"

"Yahoo!" Naruto whooped in excitement, jumping with his fist towards the sky. I couldn't help but smirk in amusement at his childish antics. Ino moved around him, shaking her head with a roll of her eyes.

"Oh brother," she sighed, but the smirk she wore held only mirth.

"We should probably head out now," Sai responded, "before Ugly changes her mind."

"Will you stop calling me that?" I angrily replied, but he only smiled.

At Sai's words, Naruto shot forward, racing off in the direction of his favorite ramen shop and leaving the rest of us rushing to catch up.

_We'll talk later_. Shikamaru's words echoed in my head.

_Next time_, I thought with determination_. Next time I'll tell him how I feel. No more running. No more hiding. _

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**Authors note:**

**Damn Naruto, always gets in the way of the important conversations, hopefully everything with Sakura will work out though! Or maybe not…I suppose you're going to have to wait and see to find out. Let me know what you think.**

**Cheers!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Naruto is not mine, I am simply barrowing them for a bit of fun.**

**Added note: the setting of this story is a few years after the fourth Shinobe world war with Saskue having left on his redemption journey. Sakura's feelings for Shikamaru started when she was around 19, she is now 21.**

**Special shout out goes to my first reviewer Lily-on-the-water, thank you so much for your review! As well as to all those that have read my story and continue to read and follow me, I really appreciate your support!**

**A super special shout out to my Beta ****kwizten**** who helped re-edit this chapter **

**Now onwards to chapter 2!**

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Chapter 2

Ichiraku was packed as usual, but we still managed to get seats rather quickly, since Naruto practically lived here. The air was buzzing with happy conversation and the smell of good cooking. We sat in a row at the bar, Naruto scarfing down his third bowl of soba noodles, while Ino, Sai and myself were still on our first.

"So Sakura," Ino asked casually, "how's the lab work been going?"

"Not bad," I replied, "although I seem to have reached an impasse in my research."

"What lab work is this?" Sai asked curiously.

Naruto immediately jumped in to explain. "Sakura's been looking at how kekkei genkai are passed down through generations, or something like that. Right Sakura?"

"Um, yeah, pretty much. Wow, Naruto." I wasn't the only one shocked that Naruto actually knew what I was working on; both Ino and Sai also looked mildly stunned. Naruto looked up from his noodles as if sensing all our disbelief.

"What?" he asked defensively. "Grandma Tsunade won't stop talking about the implications your research will have if you figure it out. I don't understand all the technical stuff, but from what I do get, it sounds really awesome. You're pretty much trying to duplicate special jutsu, right?"

"Well, in a nutshell, yeah…though it's a lot more complicated than that," I sighed. "Before I even get started, I have to have a solid understanding of how each individual kekkei genkai works and how they were developed. But in order to do _that_ I need full access to the entire clan's archives, which requires the clan leader's approval. And _then_ I'll need volunteers so I can map out their genetic coding. That's only the start of it, of course, but for now I'm just focusing on getting access to the Uchiha clan's archive. You can imagine how guarded most clans are about their secret jutsu…I've been finding it almost impossible to get anyone to cooperate with me."

"…That…sounds…really complicated," Naruto said, clearly overwhelmed.

"But fascinating," Sai added, actually sounding impressed. "I can see why a breakthrough like that would be beneficial. But if you're having problems getting the leaders to assist you, why don't you ask the Hokage to get them to cooperate?"

"We can't just order every clan to reveal what makes them powerful. The fact that we're planning on using that information so _everyone_ can do it, well, it doesn't exactly sit well with them. Lady Tsunade needs to keep the peace between the clans just as much as she keeps peace between nations, you know." Truthfully, it's been a bigger pain in my side than I was letting on. The lack of progress in clan cooperation has been more than frustrating.

"Do you really need the full permission of leaders to learn about their jutsu though?" Ino asked. "Couldn't you just ask individual clan members? I mean, I've heard Shino talk about his clan's bug jutsu to Kiba before."

"Sure, as of right now that's all I've been able to do. But there's only so much information they're willing to tell me without giving too much away. So far only Kakashi's given me 100% access to his Sharingan, but technically he's a special case as he's not from the Uchiha clan." The only one left with that birthright was Sasuke, I couldn't help but think, and he was long gone.

I sat in thoughtful silence after that, only half-listening to the continued conversations of my friends around me. Thinking about Sasuke only reminded me of the conversation Shikamaru and I just had moments go. I couldn't believe he thought I was still I love with him. But then again, when looking at it from his perspective, it's not like I've done anything to contradict that opinion. I've never dated – in fact I've pretty much turned down every offer presented to me. In the beginning, it really _was_ because of Sasuke, but once I realized how I felt for Shikamaru…there really wasn't anyone else that could compete. I just never bothered with anyone else. It just didn't seem worthwhile to try.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that when Ino jumped up in excitement, I nearly choked on my noodles from surprise.

"What about Shikamaru?" Ino exclaimed loudly. "You could totally ask him. There's no way that man would refuse you," she added with a knowing wink. I had to turn my head away so to hide my blush.

"I don't know…" I stalled, trying to come up with an excuse to refuse but finding nothing.

"Oh come on, the Nara clan holds a lot of influence over the other clans, and Shikamaru's father is the clan leader. If you asked him, I'm sure he could convince his father to get the other clans on board with what you're doing. Plus the Nara's have a lot of medical background, so he would be a great help with your research and testing. Problem solved!"

"That's true but—"

Ino interrupted me before I could continue, leaning towards me with a wicked grin plastered all over her face. "Not to mention it would give you a _real_ good excuse to have your hands _all_ over him," she whispered. "All that alone time…I bet you'll get to know his body _really_ well."

"_Ino_!" I hissed, frantically looking towards Sai and Naruto to make sure they hadn't heard. I could only hope they were as clueless about it as they looked.

"I'm just saying it could be the perfect opportunity," Ino winked mischievously.

"Will you drop it already?" I begged, completely mortified. I could just feel my face flushing like a tomato. I frantically tried to dispel the images popping into my head, but of course Ino's suggestion did little to deter my imagination.

She was dead right about everything. Not only would Shikamaru easily agree to help me if I asked, but to get a proper chakra map I would, of course, have to get extremely up close and personal with him on a regular basis. Images of Shikamaru shirtless with my hands running along his exposed flesh caused a tightness to form in the pit of my stomach.

_Calm down, Sakura_, I internally yelled at myself. _What are you, fifteen? Have some self-control already_!

Judging by Ino's smug looks, she knew exactly why I was blushing so deeply. "If you're worried he won't agree," Ino continued, "I could get him to do it for you. I know exactly how to get Shikamaru to oblige. That man won't stand a chance against me!"

"NO! No, I can do it myself, thank you," I finally caved. There was no way I was going to allow Ino to do that. In any case, I needed to leave before things got even more humiliating.

"Well, thanks for the meal guys, but I really have to head out now. See you later, bye!" Before the others could say a word, I threw my money on the counter and bolted from the restaurant, heading straight for my apartment.

Damn Ino. She was so right, and she knew it too.

When the clan leaders wouldn't cooperate, of course my first thought was to turn to Shikamaru. He was the perfect solution. But it was _because_ we had to get so close that I couldn't ask. To be so near him, to touch him and learn the most intimate workings of his body and mind…no way in hell could I do that without compromising myself! But now that Ino brought it up, there was no getting out of it. If I didn't approach him about it, not only would Ino ask him herself, but there was no doubt that either Naruto or Sai would bring it up, in time. There was already too much going unsaid between Shikamaru and I to have that thrown at him too. If he knew I had asked all our friends for help on this but not him…there's no way he wouldn't take offense to that. Which left me little choice but to ask him.

I just hoped I could handle it.

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I sighed in pleasure, I loved the feeling of hot water pelting down my back; it always relaxed me and helped me think. I took my time, slowly lathering and rinsing my hair and body, the streams of water washing away my every care. I couldn't be sure how long I spent in there, so lost in thought, but by the time I got out, the room was thick with steam.

After wiping the mirror clear, I studied my reflection. I knew I wasn't gorgeous like Ino, with her long smooth hair and filled-out curves, but I wasn't bad looking either. I had let my pink hair grow out a little bit in the past five years, so rather than letting it rest just above my shoulders, it flowed in soft waves about three inches past. I was a bit taller now too, and I looked older. My skin was still smooth and clear; my eyes were just as green as before. The only real difference to my face was its sharper angle, having lost the roundness of adolescence a few years back. But besides that, I was still the same old Sakura.

_Well, not completely_, I acknowledged proudly, my eyes taking in the diamond shaped seal on my forehead. It had taken years to achieve, but I was finally an equal, and not only to Naruto and Sasuke; I could proudly measure up to Shikamaru in both intelligence and strength as well. I was no longer the weak link, left behind on the sidelines. Unlike when I was a child, I now had confidence in both my abilities, and my sense of self-worth. I am a jounin, head of the medical research unit at the hospital, and the most renowned medical ninja around, having even surpassed Lady Tsunade. This seal symbolized _exactly_ how much I had changed. To me, that was worth more then any amount of physical beauty ever could.

I smiled at my reflection, finally happy with the image staring back. I quickly changed into my nightgown, a small black silken nightie Ino had purchased as a gift for my birthday last year. It was a simple piece with lace patterns along the hem and sleeves to give a sort of sexy flare. It fit me perfectly, hinting at more curves than was actually there, and fell a little higher than mid-thigh.

I remember feeling so embarrassed when I opened it in front of everyone. Naruto and Shikamaru had looked very uncomfortable when I pulled it out, Kiba had let out a long wolf whistle, and everyone else either looked amused at my reaction or wiggled their eyebrows at me knowingly. I had gotten so embarrassed by it, I swore I'd never wear it, throwing it back into the box as quickly as I could. Later that night I got curious and tried it on… Since then, it's been my favorite thing to sleep in (not that I'll ever tell Ino that).

I was just in the middle of towel drying my hair when I heard a knock at the door. Without thinking, I yelled for them to come in, assuming it to be Lady Tsunade since she told me she would be stopping by to drop off more research files.

"I'm in my room!" I called out, throwing my towel into the hamper and walking out to greet my former mentor. "I'm surprised you knocked this time. You usually just walk in-" I trailed off in shock, because the person standing inside my house was definitely not Lady Tsunade…but Shikamaru.

To be fair, I wasn't the only one shell-shocked. As soon as Shikamaru caught sight of me, he instantly become frozen in place. His eyes widened and his mouth hung slightly open, faint traces of red staining his ears in what I assumed to be embarrassment. I could feel my own face heating up in mortification. Funny how it takes a guy seeing me in this thing for me to actually become aware of just how little I had on.

I expected Shikamaru to turn away at any moment, but he didn't. Instead I watched as his eyes slowly but surely slid down my body before leisurely dragging back up to my face. Whether it was a trick of the light or not, I swear I saw his eyes darken when they met mine. Fire burned in my stomach so fiercely that I instinctively wrapped my arms around my torso, as if that action alone could keep me from falling to pieces beneath his stare. My movement must have brought him back to reality because the moment I locked my arms around myself, his demeanor changed. He immediately looked away, swallowed, and cleared his throat.

"Sorry…I'll ahh…be in the living room…so you can change or…something…"

He hastily walked past me without so much as a second glance. I rushed back to my room and grabbed my fuzzy white robe, hastily wrapping the long, bulky fabric around myself and tightly fastening the sash around my waist.

So many emotions were running through me that I could hardly keep track of them. The embarrassment from him seeing me was definitely strong, but then I was also strangely happy. Happy that _he_ was the first to see me in this, and happy by the prospect that he might have actually just checked me out. If that reaction was anything to go off, anyways…

Maybe there _was _hope after all. I mean, if he found me attractive, then surely that meant he had some form of feelings for me outside of friendship, right? Oh Kami…

"Sakura," Shikamaru called from the living room, "are you okay?"

Shit shit shit shit _shit_! I was going to have to face him. But how?

_It's okay, Sakura, just deep breaths. You can do this! Just act like it never happened. Yeah, that's it, just pretend nothing happened and everything will be fine._

The only problem being that I couldn't get his expression out of my mind.

"I'm coming," I called back and, ignoring my turmoil, walked out of my room to face him with my head held high. "Sorry, I thought you were Lady Tsunade. If I'd known it was you…" I trailed off, not really knowing what else to say.

"It's fine," he said, not quite meeting my eyes. "I just wasn't expecting it, that's all…" His face was still fairly pink. I waited for him to say something, anything really, but when the silence continued to stretch, I had to break it.

"So…what brings you here? I thought you had a lot of paperwork to catch up on."

"I did," he said, finally glancing in my direction. "But I ended up running into the Hokage. Long story short, she asked me to bring you these." Reaching into his jacket, he pulled out a stack of folders tied together with red string.

"Oh, thank you."

He handed them to me but quickly averted his eyes so as not to meet mine. Clearing his throat, he seemed to take a moment to contemplate his next words. "Those are for your work on kekkei genkai?" he finally asked.

"Um, yeah," I answered lamely. "Lady Tsunade was granted permission by the elders to use Uchiha scrolls to help me research the Sharingan. How did you know about my research?"

"I overheard my old man talking about it," Shikamaru shrugged as if he could really care less. "He was interested by your ideas, but wasn't too keen on letting other members outside the clan learn our secrets."

"Not many are," I replied anxiously, my frustration seeping through my voice.

"I have to admit, your theory on chakra passageways and manipulating genetic coding is intriguing. I imagine the benefits of such a procedure would be very high."

"Theoretically, yes. It could unlock whole new levels of jutsu development. But without test subjects, I can't really do much else other then hypothesize." I couldn't help but bite the inside of my cheek at that last part. If I was going to ask him, I reasoned, now would be the best time. "Speaking of subjects," I continued nervously, "I don't suppose you would be able to help me, would you?"

I took it as a good sign when Shikamaru didn't instantly reject my proposal, but instead seemed to mull it over before replying. "What exactly would I be required to do?"

"Any chance you could get the other clans to consider having me study them?" I smiled sheepishly. "Also, I could really do with a second pair of eyes and a sharp mind to help figure this out. It's turning out to be a lot more difficult then I originally anticipated. And if you _really_ want to go crazy, I'd love to map out your chakra passageways and run some tests on your physiology." He raised his eyebrow at that and I couldn't help but crack a smile at the look. "So far every clan leader has rejected my requests for aid. The only one I've been able to map out is Kakashi, and that's technically cheating."

We fell silent after that. I waited for Shikamaru to steadily analyze the situation as always, knowing how much he hated to be rushed into decisions. After a while, when I was almost certain he would refuse, he spoke.

"I don't see why not. I can help you with the research aspects of it, and the chakra mappings shouldn't be a problem. As for getting other leaders to agree, I'll see what I can do. No promises, though."

I shook my head and smiled. "Don't be sorry, that'll be more then enough! Thank you, you have no idea how much this means to me." Quickly, before I could lose my nerve, I hugged him in gratitude.

I almost immediately felt him returning the embrace with a softly murmured "_So troublesome,_" so quiet I almost missed it. I took a deep breath, noting that, as usual, he smelt of ink and grass, a scent that was quickly becoming my favorite. I couldn't help but grin.

Seconds later I felt him pull away, so I let go and stepped back as calmly as possible, so as not to make things even more awkward. When I saw the redness of his ears again, though, I couldn't help but inwardly cheer. Perhaps our closeness had a deeper affect on him than a mere casual embrace would entail.

"Well, I should probably head back now," he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I'll speak with my old man about your proposal and see what he thinks. I'll find you tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded in return before stepping aside and leading him to the front door. Before I could show him out, however, he paused.

"Not that it's any of my business," he started sheepishly, "but that nightgown…isn't that the same one Ino got you for your birthday last year? As in, the one you swore you would never be caught dead in?" His question immediately caused my face to heat up like a volcano.

"Maybe…" I answered lamely, not really knowing how to respond. "Please don't tell Ino. She'll never let me live it down!" Shikamaru chuckled at my plea, shaking his head amusedly. He knew exactly how Ino would react; he had known her all his life, after all.

"Your secret's safe with me. Promise."

"Thanks," I laughed. "And thanks again for agreeing to help me. I really do appreciate it."

Shikamaru merely shrugged before opening the front door to leave. He took just a single step, but hesitated with a lasting thought. In an instant, he looked over his shoulder, locking his eyes with mine.

"By the way," he smirked, "that nightgown looks a lot better on you than it did in the box."

He was gone before my brain could even process what he just said, but when it did I couldn't keep the goofy smile off my face. Closing the door, I slid down its frame and placed my hands over my rapidly beating heart.

Yeah, this nightgown just become my new favorite outfit…period.

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**Authors note:**

**Well I must say this story is really enjoyable to write, and I'm having so much fun with these Sakura and Shikamaru interactions that these scenes are practically writing themselves. As for the jutsu stuff, I wont claim to be a master on it because I'm not, in fact I know very little about it and all that I do I find out from looking it up on Google, so if there is anything I get wrong about the clans and or chakra/jutsu stuff, please let me know so that I may correct my errors as soon as possible. Other than that I really hope you enjoyed my second chapter. Please review and let me know what you think.**

**Cheers!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Naruto is not mine, I am simply barrowing them for a bit of fun.**

**Special shout out goes to all of those that have reviewed my story! Your comments made me smile in more ways then one.**

**Also big thanks to all of you still reading and following along with my adventure, I hope this chapter was worth the wait.**

**Plus a big thanks goes to my Beta ****kwizten**** who helped re-edit this chapter and made it so much better. Truly….you have no idea the amount of pain she had to suffer through to make this what it is now. She is amazing. **

**Now onwards to chapter 3!**

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Chapter 3

By the time I woke up, I felt well-rested and ready for work. Since taking over as head researcher in the hospital, I spent most of my time in the library or my personal lab, but today I was scheduled to meet with Lady Tsunade first. Smiling secretly, I felt irrevocably proud of myself for all I'd accomplished thanks to her mentorship. Whenever I looked back at my younger self, I could only see myself as a burden to her. Now, though, I could finally give back what she had so generously given me. I was finally at a point in my life where I could help people, rather than always needing help myself.

With an extra skip in my step, I went through my usual breakfast routine, reading through medical reports over coffee. The kitchen was filled with the sweet aroma of French toast and honey-glazed sausages, my favorite.

I sat down to eat while opening the first file Shikamaru dropped off last night. Within them contained information about the history and development of the Sharingan, just as I requested of Lady Tsunade. I was able to pick up most of the Sharingan's history simply by talking to Kakashi, not to mention my personal experience with the few Sharingan users over the years, but after further scanning, I found bits of information I hadn't been fully aware of.

After scanning through a few more files of this nature, I quickly picked up a new folder and opened it between mouthfuls of breakfast. Inside were Kakashi's full medical records from before _and_ after the Sharingan was implanted in him. Perfect! With these I could finally start to get a handle on this experiment.

After inspecting all the charts to make sure nothing was missing, I put them away, making a mental note to study them later with Shikamaru. I then slumped over the final folder, containing the full medical history of Sasuke Uchiha up until he left the villiage.

_Sasuke..._

No! I shook my head and closed the file without further inspection. I tried to block him from my mind, but couldn't shake the knowledge that if he ever found out I had these...needless to say, he would be less than pleased.

_And how's he ever going to find out?_ my inner voice sneered. _After all, he's not even here. Hell, you don't even know if he's ever coming back. _

My inner was right of course, but it still didn't make me feel any better about it. Sasuke valued his personal privacy above all else, and I knew that. And yet…with just a single file I had thrown that privacy down the drain. When – _if_ – he did get back, I doubt he would forgive me for this.

I sighed. What's done is done, I supposed. I asked for these files and now I had them, so there was no point second-guessing myself now.

Glancing up at the clock above my stove, I cried out in surprise. _I'm late!_

I hurriedly dumped my dirty dishes into the sink and packed the files into my bag, running to change. I grabbed my newest uniform from my closet, a little number that, much like my nightgown, was also a product of Ino's intervention.

About three weeks ago, Ino had barged into my apartment and demanded a shopping trip, stating that my ninja uniform was not appropriate, that I was now a woman and it was about time I started dressing like one. Not surprisingly, Ino's vision of adult wear translated to "less clothing/more skin," while my feelings were quite the opposite. After four hours of arguing and a full-out battle, we finally settled on a compromise. Which, in all honestly, was very flattering.

Now my uniform consisted of a pink halter-top and red skirt, embellished with my usual white Haruno insignia. Due to Ino's influence, the top was cropped and ended about two inches below by chest, but being much more conservative than her, I refused to reveal so much skin. Instead I wore a netted undershirt underneath, as well as mesh shorts beneath my skirt. The skirt had a slanted black belt draped over it, and a long white strip of fabric that fell between my legs so as not to reveal too much. While the outfit was still a tad too revealing for my tastes, I couldn't argue that I did look good in it. I hadn't worn it in public yet, so today was my first day to see everyone's reactions.

After putting on my uniform and brushing my hair, I threw on my elbow-length fingerless gloves and matching knee-high boots. Sneaking a quick glance in the mirror, I grabbed my bag and rushed out the door.

As I ran out onto the street, an image of Shikamaru's disgruntled face popped into my mind. I couldn't help but wonder…just how would he react to my new look?

The sun was out, casting its warm heat over the village. Children ran in the streets, artfully dodging wandering civilians and shinobi alike. I paused to smile wistfully at them, remembering the old days when I was first at the academy. Everything was so much simpler then, with no responsibilities or real danger. The biggest problem I had was passing my exams and getting Sasuke to notice me. Times certainly had changed, I reflected, continuing to move along the streets.

_But not all change is bad_, I thought happily, Shikamaru's face popping up in mind. _They can lead to some pretty amazing things._

I tore my gaze from the playful children and glanced at my watch. Grimacing, I picked up my pace. Lady Tsunade was _so_ going to kill me.

I somehow made it to her office in record time, though I was a little worse for wear as a result. Shizune was waiting out front, Tonton sitting at her feet.

"Good morning, Sakura," Shizune greeted me.

"Morning," I smiled weakly. "How mad is she?"

"You're in luck. She's currently in a meeting with Shikamaru and Shikaku Nara. I've been instructed to have you wait here until they finish."

"What a relief! How long have they been in there?" I asked semi-curiously, though I of course had a good idea as to why.

"About four hours I would say," Shizune sighed. "I can't imagine they'll take much longer." As if on cue, the office door opened to reveal a very tired Shikaku paired nicely with an exasperated Tsunade.

"Sakura," Lady Tsunade nodded at me with a tight smile, "sorry to keep you waiting. We were just going over the details of the Nara's involvement with your newest project."

"It was no trouble," I reassured her, bowing before them. "Have you come to an agreement?"

"We have," she answered. "Shikamaru will act as your equal partner with the research and development of the experiment. Shikaku will also be lending his influence to us by agreeing to help with clan negotiations. In exchange for their help, you'll be providing full copies of all data accumulated to the Nara clan. Are you agreeable on these terms?"

"Of course," I replied without hesitation. It was more than a fair price to pay for their help. I turned again towards Shikamaru and his father, bowing again in gratitude. "Thank you for your assistance."

"Anything to aid the well-being of the Leaf Village," Shikaku replied gravely. "Now that things have been settled, I'll begin negotiations immediately." With that, Shikamaru's father took his leave, respectfully nodding his farewell.

Lady Tsunade sighed, massaging her forehead in agitation. "Did you look over the files Shikamaru brought you last night?"

"Yes M'lady, thank you for helping me with this."

"Of course," she replied, waving off my thanks. "Now then, you're to go over everything with Shikamaru. As I said, you two are to be partners in this. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask."

"Of course."

Lady Tsunade nodded, then looked towards Shikamaru, who had been nothing but silent the entire time. "Same goes for you. If you need anything, you know where to find me."

"Thank you, Lady Hokage," Shikamaru replied respectfully.

"Well," she moaned, "now that this is settled, you two can get started. You're dismissed." As she said it, her eyes drifted mournfully towards the large stack of documents sitting neatly on her desk. I almost felt bad for her, until I remembered just how much paperwork I was about to delve into myself. Leaving her to it, Shikamaru and I left her to her work, closing the door quietly behind us.

"Good morning, by the way," I said cheerfully to Shikamaru, his smirk a greeting of its own. I watched as his eyes, much like last night, slowly slid down my body before settling on my face.

"Ino?"

"Do you even have to ask?" I rolled my eyes, though slightly disappointed that was all he had to say about it.

"Is there anything in your wardrobe she _hasn't_ gotten her hands on?"

"Oh shut up," I hissed back, matching my steps with his so we were walking side by side. "For your information, Ino doesn't _always_ get her way with me. I do get a say in what I wear, you know."

Shikamaru just snorted. "You keep telling yourself that."

"Does it really look that bad?" I asked, and I couldn't help but let my disappointment seep into my tone. This wasn't how I imagined his reaction at all.

"Don't go putting words in my mouth. I never said that."

"You never said it looked good either," I countered..

"What is it with you women and needing others to approve of what you wear?" Shikamaru groaned. "It's such a drag."

"Fine, just forget it," I sulked.

He sighed, clearly exasperated. "Troublesome… Listen, you look good in everything you wear. Happy? Now can we focus on more important things than the latest trends? You're supposed to be briefing me on your studies."

"Fine, fine," I waved it off, easily slipping back into medic mode. "Okay, so most of my intel is filed away in my lab, but as I said last night, it's not much. The files you dropped off contain the most detailed information I have so far. As for the experimental part, I've only been able to get Kakashi to agree, so until your father can swing some favor for us, that's all we have."

"What have you been doing with Kakashi?"

"So far just picking his brain on everything he knows about the Sharingan, but I plan on mapping out his chakra passageways soon."

"Is Kakashi the only Sharingan user you've been able to get medical records for?" Shikamaru asked thoughtfully. "What about the records of past Uchihas?"

Shikamaru immediately picked up on my hesitation, raising his brow in question. "Well…I was able to get one," I replied softly. "I'm still waiting for more."

"Whose do you have?"

" …Sasuke's."

"…I see. Have you been able to compare his with Kakashi's yet?" Shikamaru asked, his tone now noticeably flat. I tried to decipher his thoughts, but his face was set like stone. Even his eyes revealed nothing.

"I actually haven't looked at Sasuke's files yet…" I trailed off. "I mean, I planned to read them last night but I just…couldn't bring myself to open them." I couldn't help but wince at my own words. _How do you expect to get Shikamaru to believe you don't love Sasuke anymore, _my inner-self mocked,_ when you sound false to your own ears_? Ashamedly, I didn't really have an answer for that.

Shikamaru didn't ask me any more questions after that. In fact, he still hadn't said a word by the time we arrived at the hospital. I silently led him through the halls toward my office where I stored my files, all the while wondering how I was going to break the ever-growing tension. I had nothing.

When we got to my study, Shikamaru walked in ahead of me, his impenetrable mask still present despite the change in scenery. My office, my personal pride and joy, was a moderate sized room with eggshell white walls and black bookcases, each of them filled with various scrolls and medical texts. My comfortably-sized oak desk sat at the back of the room, facing the door, and a small sitting area was located in the left corner. Two tan loveseats were placed there, with a small oak table nestled neatly between them to emit a cozy, studious atmosphere.

"Everything's in there," I said, pointing towards the far right wall of filing cabinets.

Shikamaru nodded his acknowledgment and beelined towards the files, already familiar with my organization methods. He found the materials with relative ease.

"Is this all of it?" he asked, holding up a thick stack.

"Pretty much…" I shifted awkwardly. "Um, we can relocate to the library to work, if you want, or we can just stay here." The library, while full with many more books than I could ever hope to fit in here, was also far less private. Though the atmosphere between us was still tense, I hoped he would want to stay in here regardless.

"Do we have everything we'll need in here?" he asked while closing the filing case.

"Yes…"

"Then here is fine. To cart all these files to the library and back is too much of a drag."

_Hurray for Shikamaru's laziness_, I sarcastically cheered in my head, though I couldn't help but smile at his words. "In that case, you can just set those on the table by the armchairs. If you'd like, I can get another desk brought in so you can set up your own stuff, but for today the sitting area will have to do."

Shikamaru paused mid-step, a look of surprise flashing across his face. "You don't have to do that. This is _your_ office. I don't want to intrude."

"It's no trouble," I insisted. Walking over to him, I swiped the files out of his hands and smiled warmly. "It's the least I can do, after all the help you'll be giving me. And besides, as of today this is technically your office too. So please, let me know what you need so I can get it for you."

For a moment we just looked into each other's eyes, and I watched as his gaze slowly melted into a tender softness. Kami, was he handsome. From the strong lines along his face and neck to the curve of his lips, Shikamaru emanated masculinity. His scent was always a subtle mixture of grass and ink, a product of his day-to-day activities, and it never failed to set my heart racing and my mouth to run dry. His eyes, though, were the real feature that set him apart. They told stories all on their own. I could see everything he felt, as long as he didn't try to hide it. Even now they reflected a gentle gratitude, a shimmering softness wading in black onyx, causing my knees to weaken. My breath caught in my throat and all of a sudden I felt a loss of words.

"Thank you," he muttered. "In that case, a desk would be very much appreciated."

I couldn't look away from him. I knew I should, but it was like I was frozen in place.

_Move, dammit_, I cursed inwardly, _before you make an even bigger fool of yourself._

With great difficulty, I somehow ripped my eyes away from his and swiftly made my way to the sitting area. I dropped the files on the table with gusto and sheepishly glanced over my shoulder to smile at him. It was times like these I wished I was braver, that I could rip down the invisible walls separating us and tell him how I felt. How would he react? I wondered. Would he smile his hidden smile and lightly brush my cheek? Call me "troublesome" as he always did, his little way of showing affection? Or would he just turn away, unsure of what to do as I laid my heart bare, only to be rejected? It was this uncertainty that held me back, making me incapable of breaking the barriers I so desperately wanted down.

"We should probably get started then," I suggested, dismissing my train of thought. He smirked back, eyes sparkling. I felt my face heat up and quickly looked away, praying he wouldn't notice. _If only he didn't make it so hard_, I thought sarcastically, trying to calm my racing heart. It would be much easier to contain my love for him, if I wasn't so afraid he'd see it written on my face.

I handed him the files before he could even sit down, reaching into my bag and pulling out the three he had brought me the night before. I gave him the folder containing information on the Sharingan, but kept the medical records for myself, as I hadn't looked at them in much detail yet.

For the next few hours, all we did was read. It took great effort to take my mind off of the man sitting next to me, and focus on the work I was so passionate about. Occasionally Shikamaru would ask a question, but for the most part we sat in a comfortable silence, the hesitant mood between us lifting as more time passed. I studied both Kakashi and Sasuke's medical records intensely, briefly notating the differences and similarities between their chakra channels until I was deeply engrossed in the data.

"Hey, Sakura," Shikamaru asked offhandedly while I was nose-deep in text. "Have you looked into brain signals and relay structures within the Sharingan's optical stimuli?"

"In what way?" I asked, mind still partly focused on my own work and not really seeing where he was going. Nonetheless, my attention was piqued.

"Well, according to these scrolls, the Sharingan is first activated when the recipient comes to know a powerful emotion, such as love or friendship," he clarified. "Such a stressful or emotional condition causes the brain to release a special form of chakra that affects the optic nerves, and thus, transforming the eyes into the Sharingan. Right?"

"Yes…?" I answered, my brow furrowing. I attempted to piece together all the information possibly running through his mind, hoping to make the connection before he could finish. But of course, Shikamaru's thought process was like an ever-changing web, nearly impossible to follow.

"And as we both know, there are optic nerves connected to the amygdala."

This was true, I reflected, having learned much about it throughout my time as acting medic in the hospital. The amygdala was a small structure in the brain, essential for decoding emotion, especially the emotional stimuli the brain considered threatening.

"So," Shikamaru continued, "if overpowering emotions is what triggers the Sharingan, is it possible that the relay systems in these optic nerves may have an enhanced chakra chain? Even if the Sharingan has gone through the initial transformation already, wouldn't you say it's possible there are still lasting effects?"

I paused to consider his words. "It's possible…" I said, trailing off.

Because the Sharingan was connected to the eye, and therefore the optic lens, the recipient would have superior vision when activated. That was common knowledge. But for it to be activated, like Shikamaru mentioned, an extreme emotion of fear or love would have to be felt. So it would make sense for the Sharingan to be somehow connected to the amygdala, the host of _all_ raw emotion.

But an enhanced chakra chain? How would that even work? I thought about it further. How would such chakra connect with the brain?

And then it hit me.

The brain was a network of electrical energy that created neuron passageways, or rather, information highways. All functions of the brain would be connected within a single, perfectly-balanced network. Chakra was _also_ a form of energy, maybe not _electrical_ per se, but energy nonetheless. What if…what if the Sharingan could manipulate chakra strands to enter the brain and connect to these electrical information highways?

But there was still the matter of how chakra would be able to do that in the first place. Could it create its own special highways, running alongside the originals? Or could it be connected at a much deeper level?

"If what you're suggesting is true," I continued slowly, "then you're saying the Sharingan has created chakra chains that function like neurons. Is that even possible?"

"Maybe not like neurons exactly," Shikamaru clarified, thinking deeply. "To have a separate highway system beside the original one would be too much. Activity like that would most likely fry the brain." He steepled his fingers, and I could practically see the gears turning in his mind. "The Sharingan enhances its capabilities, so it's more likely the chakra imbeds itself into the highways themselves, and runs as a single advanced unit of information systems."

"So it acts like a boost to the system, an upgrade?"

"Exactly. This would allow the Sharingan to not only connect to the amygdala, but also every other part of the brain as well—"

"Which would explain the assortment of abilities the Sharingan gives its recipient!" I finished for him.

"That's right," Shikamaru agreed, sitting back with a smug grin.

"If this is true…" I continued, breathless, still trying to sort out all the information compiling in my head, "if the Sharingan _has_ formulated a network of chakra channels between the optic nerves and amygdala – and therefore every other aspect of the brain – then it would also have a strong connection to the hypothalamus as well." I grinned, my enthusiasm quickly taking over my thoughtful tone as I started connecting the dots. "Which would explain how it grants the user the ability to instantly memorize techniques!"

Shikamaru's answering smile was just as pleased. "Not to mention," he continued, "it can also have a connection with the Sharingan's second known ability: inducing hypnosis. Which, as you already know, suggests thoughts into their opponent simply by means of eye contact." He leaned forward, his growing intensity matching my own, despite his usual laid-back nature. "It's possible the connection between the neuron passageways is so strong, they can not only connect within its own system, but also into the system of others."

I thought back to what I had seen of the Sharingan throughout the years. I dismally remembered first training under Team Seven, when Kakashi threw me into a genjutsu of my worst fear. I shivered as I recalled just how chilling it felt when I saw the hallucination of Sasuke impaled by countless kunai. It seemed so real. A hallucination like that required either intimate knowledge of a person's weaknesses, or, like Shikamaru suggested, a direct link into their mind. I quickly processed what he was implying and squealed with delight.

"Yes! And by manipulating these messages and transferring them to the _opponent's_ amygdala, it can also manipulate the emotions of the victim, effectively taking control of their actions!" I bolted up in my seat and cried out in excitement. "Shikamaru, you're a genius! This is absolutely brilliant!"

I quickly scanned through my medical reports and, having found what I was looking for, pulled it from the pile to lay it out for Shikamaru. It was Kakashi's brain map from before and after the Sharingan was implanted, displaying his neuron transmitter activities. Shikamaru leaned forward to get a better look.

"It shows here," I indicated towards a spot on the diagram, "that before Kakashi obtained the Sharingan, his neuron activity was nowhere near as high as it is now. I can't believe I missed something so simple!" I was far too excited with this breakthrough to be to disappointed with myself. I had probably been thinking too hard about it, too prepared for a complicated solution that was really just lying in front of my nose this whole time. In any case, I was already imagining the implications these connections would have in further research. My mind ran rampant as I wondered how I could artificially induce these same results without the Sharingan.

"To duplicate something like that," I breathed, "to manipulate chakra strands into the human brain artificially…that would take _unfathomable_ amounts of control. One wrong move would completely fry the brain and kill the patient. I don't even know how I would begin such a process."

"Slow down," Shikamaru reasoned coolly. "This is still just a guess after all. We still have to see if our hypothesis is actually accurate. Once we can determine the accuracy of our claims, then we can work out how to replicate the results."

I nodded in agreement. He was right, of course. While I was doubtful in my abilities to accomplish such a feat, I was sure that with Shikamaru's help, I could figure it out. Internally, I had to laugh at the irony that while Shikamaru was known to be extremely lazy, he also loved nothing more than a good puzzle. It's what made him the top-notch strategist he is, and incidentally, the best ally I could have had in this experiment.

"I guess there's only one thing left to do then," I smiled wickedly. "We have to hunt down Kakashi so I can pick his brain and see what secrets lie beneath!"

Shikamaru just shook his head in disbelief. "You know, Sakura, sometimes you can be really scary."

I snorted in reply, a mischievous grin still lurking on my face. Grabbing his hand, I began dragging him towards the door and out of my office. "You're lucky I like you so much then," I shot back bravely, hoping he would catch the hidden meaning behind it.

"On the contrary," he snorted back. "It just has me fearing for my life on a regular basis."

"Well then, you'd better prepare yourself, because once I'm done with Kakashi, you're next." I dropped his hand, locking my own together behind my back.

"The things I go through to make you happy," he sighed, shaking his head in exasperation. He turned to me then and smirked before stuffing his hands in his pockets.

I smiled with content before slowing my pace to walk beside him. We remained this way for the duration of our search for Kakashi – close enough to touch, but far enough that we didn't.

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**Authors note:**

**Is it just me or am I sensing a little jelly jelly Shikamaru prowling about? No? Just me? Oh well, so tell me what you think, until next time friends**

**Cheers!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Naruto is not mine, I am simply barrowing them for a bit of fun.**

**Added note: so sorry for the big delay, school deadlines picked up and I've been busy with essays, exams, and loads of work. And writers block…writers block is the devil. For those that are still with me I thank you for your patience. I really hope you all enjoy my newest chapter**

**Special shout out goes to all of those that have reviewed my story! Your comments made me smile in more ways then one, it is your comments that motivate me to keep going when writers block takes its hold.**

**Plus a big thanks goes to ****my Beta ****kwizten**** who helped re-edit this chapte****r. You are awesome. Know this. **

**Now onwards to chapter 4!**

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Chapter 4

We found Kakashi eating noodles at Ichiraku, and he wasn't alone. From the stack of bowls on Naruto's left, it looked like they had been here for quite a while.

"Yo guys!" Naruto waved excitedly, seeing us approach. "Wanna join us for some ramen?"

"Not today," I apologized. "We're actually here for Kakashi." My eyes darted toward my former sensei who was no longer eating, but casually reading one of his sleazy _Make Out Paradise_ books. "If you're not busy, Shikamaru and I hoped to borrow you for a few hours."

He didn't look up as he answered. "Am I to assume this has to do with your research?"

"Yes, I'd like to begin mapping out your chakra patterns, if it's not too much trouble."

"No trouble at all," Kakashi shrugged, turning to Naruto. "Well, that means our training is done for the day. We can pick it up again tomorrow morning."

"Okay!" Naruto agreed easily, to my surprise. I was so used to him whining about not sleeping in, but I guess even Naruto could grow up. "Grandma Tsunade promised to start my Hokage training soon, so I'll just head over there for the rest of the day."

"Lady Tsunade has been training you?" I asked, eyes wide. This new bit of information stunned me; I had been so absorbed with my own life that I failed to keep up with anything else.

"Yeah! Pretty cool, huh?" Naruto grinned proudly, though he scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "I mean, it's a lot of work, and if I slack off she can get really scary, but with her training I'll be one step closer to becoming the next Hokage!"

"That's great, Naruto! Lady Tsunade is a great teacher." I beamed with pride, remembering the years of training I spent under her wing. "Just don't expect her to go easy on you," I added as an afterthought, recalling all the poundings I took in the beginning. I turned back towards Kakashi after shooting Naruto one last grin. "Are you ready to go?"

"Sure, but I don't think your partner is," Kakashi chuckled. Sure enough, there was Shikamaru, sitting at a booth and ordering lunch.

"Shikamaru, what are you doing? This is no time to be eating!" I cried with annoyance. He turned just enough to raise his eyebrows at me mockingly.

"Considering it's nearly one in the afternoon, I'd say it's the perfect time for eating."

"You can't be—"

"Sakura," he interrupted with a sigh of frustration, "we've been working all morning. You can't honestly say you're not the least bit hungry."

"Well…" I trailed off. In all honestly, I hardly even noticed the time. I was so used to working in a crazy hospital environment, and going long periods of time without meals wasn't new to me. Work usually took up all my attention; I didn't have time to think about eating, so I usually didn't. It wasn't the healthiest way to live (as a medic, I knew this very well), but it was what I was used to. Upon reflection, and thanks to Shikamaru's ever-graceful tact, I realized I was actually famished.

"Sit down," he drawled. "I've already ordered your favorite."

"You should listen to him," Kakashi advised with a yawn. "I'm in no rush. If you burn yourself out too much, it'll affect your work in the long run."

"Fine, fine," I agreed with a huff. I sat down beside Shikamaru, giving him my deadliest glare, but he paid no attention as we waited for our food to arrive.

Even after our meals were served, we ate in relative silence. I took my time and enjoyed it, knowing from experience that Shikamaru wasn't the type to rush anyway. Naruto continued to eat alongside us, and after a long enough pause on our side of the bar, he turned to us and began talking nonstop about the new training he was undergoing. I couldn't help but smile at his eagerness. Naruto never changed, and I hoped he never would.

As he chatted animatedly, I discretely glanced at Shikamaru from the corner of my eye. He was so relaxed, content – not that that was anything unusual. He was, by nature, a very laid back kind of guy, the complete opposite of me and my affinity for rushing forward, terrified of falling behind… At times he could be unbearable, but somehow I always found myself envying his ways.

"Sakuraaa, are you listening to me?"

"Eh?" I turned back to Naruto, blushing when I saw Kakashi glancing knowingly between Shikamaru and I, the wiggle of his eyebrows mocking me.

"Sorry Naruto," I laughed nervously, hoping with every fiber of my being that no one else noticed my staring. "I just zoned out for a minute. What'd you say?"

"I was asking if you've heard from Sasuke lately," Naruto clarified matter-of-factly, confused at my blush. At Sasuke's name, my blush immediately drained to white. I looked down at my now-empty bowl.

"No, I haven't."

_Not that I ever expected to, really,_ I thought solemnly. After all, Sasuke was hardly the type to inform anyone of anything, not even those of us who really cared about him. Not that it mattered anyway, but still, it would have been nice to at least hear he was doing fine, if nothing else. But when it came to Sasuke, even that was asking too much.

"Why? Have you?" I added, looking up curiously.

Naruto grinned as if it wasn't a sore subject. "Nope! Not a word. I just thought that, you know, he'd at least keep in contact with you. Especially considering, well…you know…" He trailed off sheepishly, and I tried to hide my grimace. I understood what he was saying, alright. In his mind, he still saw Sasuke and I as a couple. Little did he know, my feelings for Sasuke were a thing of the past. Sasuke was no longer my future.

_No_, I thought stoically. _He never was to begin with._

"Well, does it really surprise you?" I asked cheerfully, hoping to destroy the awkward tension that had started to build. "Sasuke will be Sasuke, and that part of him will never change. To expect anything else would be stupid."

"Yeah, you're right," Naruto agreed easily. "I'm sure the teme's fine and will be back soon!"

"Yeah, sure," I agreed, not having the heart to disagree. I quickly glanced at Shikamaru, surprised to see how stiff he had become. He stared at his empty bowl with a dark intensity I didn't understand.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked him, not really wanting to talk about Sasuke any longer. His face shifted back into a blank canvas before he met my eyes and shrugged.

"Sure."

"Great! Kakashi?"

"Ready when you are."

"Perfect!" I turned to Naruto and smiled. " I'll see you later, okay? Good luck with Lady Tsunade."

"Pah!" he tsked with a cheesy thumbs up. "You know who you're talking to, right? I've got this in the bag!"

Grinning at his antics one last time, we finally headed out. The trip back to my office was a quiet one, neither Kakashi nor Shikamaru saying a word. I'd like to say it was a comfortable silence, but with the stiff posture and black aura Shikamaru projected, it was anything but.

Once we got back to my office, I immediately went to my desk to retrieve the blank chakra maps I had previously drawn up for the procedure. The paper was special, a product of my own invention. Not too long ago, I had created a compound that, when sprayed on my specially-developed paper, would not only register chakra waves, but would also absorb the chakra and leave physical imprints on the paper. While the affects were only temporary, they would last long enough for Shikamaru and I to trace out the markings in real ink. Accurately using chakra as a pen was very difficult and required very precise chakra control; according to Lady Tsunade, only she and I have been able to do it flawlessly.

"Right then," I smiled, chakra maps in hand, "I suppose we should get started." I directed Kakashi to an armchair, kneeling before him and handing Shikamaru the charts. "This is going to be a bit difficult," I admitted, handing him the ink and pens. "In order to get this right, I'll have to split my concentration between Kakashi's chakra patterns and the actual chakra recreation. The chakra imprints on these charts will only last for as long as I'm connected, so you'll need to trace over everything as accurately as possible."

"Have you done this before?" Shikamaru asked curiously, setting up his materials beside me.

"Sort of. I've practiced chakra readings and chakra drawings before, so I have a fairly good handle on them. I haven't tried both at the same time, though. I'm going to have to take it slow to make sure it's all accurate enough for us to use."

"Alright, so then how do you wish to proceed?"

"I'm going to do a full examination of Kakashi first, and then I'll do a few practice runs on the chart while I'm still connected to him. Once you see a detailed consistency with the markings on there, let me know and we can start from the beginning again. By then you should be able to trace the markings with real ink." I looked up towards Kakashi apologetically. "Sorry, but this is going to take a while. During this procedure, I'll need you to sit as still as possible, so I suggest you get comfortable."

"Simple enough," he shrugged. "It's a good thing you have such comfortable furniture."

"One more thing: I'm going to need you to take off your shirt and remove your mask. You can still keep it over your mouth, but I need as much of your face exposed as possible. Direct skin-to-skin contact makes it a lot easier for me to do this."

"I've seen you heal serious wounds many times, and with fully-clothed patients," Shikamaru asked offhandedly, watching as Kakashi began to undress. "What makes this any different?"

"The difference is in the details," I explained. "I don't always need to know every single thing about a person's body in order to heal them, but for this I need to know _everything_. The smallest detail can make the biggest difference in experimenting, so I'll have to focus through direct touch. It'll just make this whole process a lot easier for me."

"I see…"

"Any other questions?" I asked teasingly. "Once I start, talking will not be prudent."

Neither man said a word, and I took that as my cue. Once Kakashi was seated comfortably, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and began.

I started at Kakashi's feet first, focusing my energy on finding his chakra pathways. It took a few minutes at first, since this area was clothed, but soon enough I was able to feel out the streams of energy with my own.

Slowly, I inched higher and higher. Like I had expected, the chakra flow was average, with no alterations in speed, consistency, or power. I moved even higher, my hands tracing over his upper thighs, noting the chakra consistency was thickening. Still not unusual, as they would keep growing as I got closer and closer to the source's origin, located near the heart. As I reached Kakashi's chest, my fingers sprawled along his abdomen, I lost all connection to the outside world, fully integrating my inner consciousness into Kakashi's body.

Perhaps I should have felt distracted, being so close to a half-dressed man like this, but I wasn't. Years of experience taught me to disconnect from such things. Kakashi's body became a book under my fingertips. His rough skin, scarred by battle, was no different to me than leather bindings holding pages together. I could feel and sense every detail: trillions of blood cells rushing through his veins to the steady beat of his heart, and the flexing of every muscle as they contracted and relaxed with every breath. These details were as clear to me as though they were written in ink. I took a deep breath, syncing mine with his until our bodies became completely in tune. As I reached his heart, the center of his energy, I placed my forehead on his chest, my energy current flowing directly into his, strengthening the connection to its peak.

Everything was as still as it should be, so I inched higher, over his shoulders and up his throat, my hands marking the path where my forehead followed. As my fingers brushed along the line of his jaw, I felt the stiffening of Kakashi's muscles, the stretching of his tissues as his blood pressure and chakra increased.

"You need to relax," I whispered, stopping my movements and waiting for him to calm down.

I felt Kakashi nod with understanding, flexing his hands as he took a deep breath. I could understand Kakashi's nervousness; with the extreme amount of intimacy this procedure required, fear and discomfort was a common factor. Unfortunately, these were factors I couldn't afford, as they would interfere with the results. These readings required my patients to be as relaxed as possible in order to get accurate data, a near-impossible feat if they didn't trust me.

Once I felt his body slow back to its original rhythm, I started to move again, my hands drifting over his mouth, past his nose, and higher still. The moment my hands covered his eyes, it was like a blast of energy, not unlike an erupting volcano. I moved closer, pressing my forehead against his while threading my hands through his hair. It was absolutely breathtaking to feel the sheer amount of activity and chakra dancing beneath the skin. I pushed as much of my own chakra into his veins, merging them as tightly knit as possible so as to trace every path. There were so many of them! They flowed stronger and with more power than the rest of his body, burrowing into the neuron pathways of the brain and embedding themselves into the tissue. There was so much to see and feel; I tried in vain to absorb every detail, but there was simply too much. The deeper I dug, the more that unraveled. I took another deep breath, fusing more of my chakra until I couldn't give another drop of it. I needed this picture to be as clear as possible. It took a long time, but eventually I felt confident enough in my tracings that I could attempt to map it out physically.

"I think I'm ready," I called out to Shikamaru, sliding down to the center of Kakashi's chest. I positioned my forehead directly over his chakra source, placing my left hand over his lower abdomen. I weaved my chakra into his, pushing it to follow all the channels from the lower half of his body. Once I was satisfied with the connection, I removed my hand from his chest, pushing more chakra through the other to make up for the lost connection.

"Okay," I muttered, "I need you to place my hand on the chart's blue markings. I'm only tracing out the lower regions first to make it easier, so once you see the patterns stabilize on the page, let me know. I'll do my best to hold it as long as you need me to, so just tell me when you're finished."

"Got it."

I felt Shikamaru directing my outstretched hand to the page, placing my fingers on the marked spot. Taking one last deep breath, I split my attention as best I could, pushing my chakra into the page while simultaneously fusing my chakra into Kakashi. My body started to tremble from the exertion, but I eventually stilled it. It was much harder then I anticipated. Tracing Kakashi's information onto paper was almost as hard as finding the balance I needed when creating my 100 Healing Seal.

I could hear the scratching of the pen as Shikamaru traced my chakra's markings on our chart. We continued to do this for hours. Once I finished with the lower half of Kakashi's body, we moved to his chest, then his face and, finally, his brain. That part took considerably longer, as I could only focus on small regions of the brain at a time. It was exhausting work, requiring a lot of chakra on my part, but slowly and surely, we got through it.

"Almost finished. Just hold it for a little longer, Sakura." I barely even heard Shikamaru at this point. I could feel my body trembling from exertion, beads of sweat rolling down my face as my breath heaved shallowly.

"Done!"

I cut off the flow as soon as he spoke, ripping myself away from Kakashi so quickly, I fell backwards onto the ground. I opened my eyes to see the room spinning slightly, both Kakashi and Shikamaru looking at me worriedly.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Shikamaru asked, his hands hovering over me anxiously.

"I'm fine, I just need a sec," I breathed deeply.

After some time, my vision cleared and the room halted to a stop. I sat up and wiped the sweat off my face, rolling my shoulders and flexing my legs to release the tension from kneeling so long.

"Here, drink some water." I smiled my thanks and took the bottle from Shikamaru, meaning only to have a few sips but ending up gulping down the entire thing.

"Thanks, but I'm fine now, really. That was a lot harder than I expected it to be. So…how did it turn out?" Not waiting for a response, I went and picked up the various charts I had given Shikamaru.

"These are amazing!" I cried with joy. The penmanship was neat and precise, with details such as current speed, chakra thickness, and so much more all printed and labeled appropriately. I took a closer look at the brain diagrams, inspecting every hemisphere to make sure everything was as I remembered it. When I found no flaws, I immediately wrapped my arms around Shikamaru and squealed in excitement.

"Shikamaru, these are perfect! Thank you!" Before he could respond, I lunged at Kakashi next, giving him just as big of an embrace. "And thank you for allowing me to do that. You did great!"

Kakashi was quicker to react than Shikamaru and hugged me back, his form shaking with laughter. "Glad I could help."

"Sakura, are you really alright? You look a bit pale."

"I'm fine," I reassured them, smiling as if to prove my point. "Just a little tired. A small rest will have me back to normal and ready to continue."

"Continue?" Shikamaru cried, his normal monotone rising in pitch. "But we just finished!"

"We finished working on Kakashi, but now I have to work on you."

"Me?"

"Well, yes. When I asked earlier, you said it was alright...but if you've changed your mind, I guess I can find someone else…" I trailed off hesitantly. It was a strange feeling, being both relieved and disappointed at the same time. On one hand, the idea of being so close to Shikamaru was exciting, but it also scared me. It was a selfish motive, I know. I felt guilty exploiting the situation, because no matter how hard I tried, I knew I wouldn't be able to disconnect with him as I did Kakashi. But even so…even so, to have that one moment of intimacy, no matter how professional it was meant to be, it was still _something_. And maybe, just maybe it would stir up some hidden feelings he might have—

"No!" Shikamaru abruptly disagreed before coughing and looking away. "I mean, I already agreed to it, so you don't have to find someone else. Your methods are just…not what I was expecting." I couldn't tell if I was just seeing things or not, but I swore that, for a moment, it looked like he was blushing.

"Well, it certainly was an interesting experience for me," Kakashi interjected. I looked over to face him, glad to see he had already put his clothes back on. "Although I have to admit, the proximity of it all was rather surprising. Not that I minded. That floral scent of yours, mixed with the feeling of your chakra…all in all a very enjoyable experience indeed." Kakashi winked cheekily, laughing when my face turned bright red. Kill me now.

"It can't be helped!" I stuttered loudly. I turned away from him in a dizzy huff, but far too quickly as I bumped into the table and ended up dropping all the charts onto the floor. Both Shikamaru and Kakashi burst into laugher.

_Smooth,_ my inner chucked. _Real smooth_.

I sighed in embarrassed frustration and leaned down to pick everything back up. I wished a hole would open up and just swallow me whole already…

"Sakura – _Sakura_, I'm only teasing," Kakashi breathed, still bent over with laughter. I grumpily raised my eyebrow at both of them, waiting for them to calm down. After a second, they straightened and wiped the tears from their eyes.

"Sorry," they both apologized in unison, though one look at their cheeky grins had me unconvinced.

"Is there anything else you need from me today?" Kakashi finished, resuming his serious stance, albeit with an extra twinkle in his eye.

"No," I shook my head, still flustered. "But I'll need you again when we test out the Sharingan."

"No problem. You know where to find me." Kakashi grabbed his things, giving me one last wink and a nudge towards Shikamaru before walking out, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

I awkwardly faced Shikamaru and placed our paperwork onto my desk. I tried to calm myself, but my fingers kept threading together and twisting apart with anxiety. "So…I guess we'd better get started."

"Right now?" he asked stiffly, all humor gone from his tone. "I mean, shouldn't you rest more?"

I shrugged indifferently. "I feel fine, no need to wait. Anyway, it would be easier for me to do it now while everything is still fresh in my head."

"Right…"

"I'm sorry," I sighed disappointedly. It was obvious how uncomfortable this was making him. I tried to push away the stupid, hurt feelings his reaction caused in me. "I know the procedure is a little personal. If you don't feel comfortable with me being so close, I can get someone else. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with—"

"It's not that I'm uncomfortable," Shikamaru sighed, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. "I just…don't want you to overexert yourself. Besides, if you're tracing me, who's going to mark the charts?"

"If I apply a generous amount of my compound to the paper, I can do both for now. I'll just have to do it in small doses. I wasn't planning on do any tracings today anyway, if that's what you're worried about, just a basic read." I hesitated a moment, but seeing he still looked apprehensive, added, "I can always ask Lady Tsunade to do the procedure instead of me. If that helps…"

Shikamaru shook his head before I could finish, having come to his decision. "No, it's fine. If you say you're okay to continue, then I am too."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Do you need me to remove my shirt as well?" I couldn't help but blush when he asked.

"I-if you don't mind…it would make things easier." I needed to calm down.

_Deep breaths, Sakura, this is no different than with Kakashi._

_It's just skin. Nothing more, just skin… _

I mentally berated myself as Shikamaru began to unzip his vest, revealing the netted mesh shirt underneath. He slowly peeled that off too, dropping it to the floor.

"I don't mind in the least," Shikamaru said, looking me straight in the eye. I couldn't look away, couldn't peel my eyes from his as he calmly began walking towards me, all signs of his earlier awkwardness replaced with confidence. He grabbed my now-trembling hand in his, bringing it to rest on his bare chest.

"After all. It's only skin."

Lord help me.

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**Authors note:**

**Ooooh it's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes, I am getting so hot im gunna take my clothes off!**

**Looky looky it's a shirtless Shikamaru now who doesn't love that? I suppose next chapter will be filled with much lovely angst as Sakura gets to feel up Shikamaru while hiding how much she loves it lol**

**If anyone wants to leave a suggestion in what they want to see by all means leave a review with your request, weather it be a situation or character you're interested in seeing I am all ears for some new ideas.**

**Hope you enjoyed my newest chapter, let me know what you think!**

**Cheers!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Naruto is not mine, I am simply barrowing them for a bit of fun.**

**Authors note: thank you thank you thank you for all your reviews, your feedback made me so happy that I blew off studying to write you a whole new chapter as quick as a flash :P which was probably not the best of ideas…oh well what's done is done.**

**Super thanks goes out to by Beta ****kwizten**** who helped me re-edit this chapter**

**Now I present to you chapter 5. Aka the Sakura gets to feel up Shikamaru chapter ;) enjoy!**

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Chapter 5

_Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump._

The pounding in my chest increased, faster and faster. I tried desperately to stop my hands from shaking, but couldn't. The heat from his skin caused my already-warm hands to tingle and my face to flame. I tried not to think about how smooth yet rough his skin felt, like silk stretched over steel. The scars of past pains dusted his skin like artfully-placed brush strokes. Shikamaru may not have been heavily built, but he was by no means frail either. Every flex of muscle was taut and sharp, displaying the hours of work he put into his training each day. He smoldered. His black eyes burned into mine with flames of pure white heat.

"Your face is red. Everything all right?" Shikamaru's voice held liquid fire, fanning the flames that were furiously sparking inside me.

"Y-Yes."

I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and run my hands through his hair. I needed—

I pulled away before I could finish my train of thought, taking a good step back to create some distance. I didn't trust myself to behave.

"Yes," I said, firmly this time, taking a deep breath to calm myself. "Shall we get started?"

Shikamaru smirked. "After you."

"You're the one who has to sit down if I'm going to begin, so after _you_."

"So troublesome," he rolled his eyes with a snort of amusement. He made his way to an armchair and sat down, raising his eyebrows in a silent "your move" declaration. I smirked at his antics and moved towards him. When I leaned down to kneel before him like I had with Kakashi, he stopped me by yanking me forward and into his lap. I was so caught off guard by his force, I smacked into his chest with a yelp.

"What the hell was that for?" I screeched over his booming laughter.

"Ah man, if only you could see your face right now!"

"Shikamaru! Let go!" I tried to pull away, but he held me in place, only pulling me fully onto his lap until I straddled his waist. My breath hitched at the sudden intimate position.

"Shikamaru, what are you—"

"It can't be very comfortable on the floor," he interrupted, that stupid smirk stretched across his face like a Cheshire grin. "You can just sit here."

"_On top of you_?" I asked in disbelief, trying again to get up, but failing miserably. Damn him and his strong arms!

"Yes."

"This is hardly professional," I tried reasoning, since force apparently wasn't working. This was far, _far_ too compromising!

_Oh, stop complaining already_, my inner voice purred. _You know you like it_.

_Shut up, shut up, shut up_! I hissed back. _That's beside the point. This is wrong! How am I supposed to stay professional like this?_

_Easy, _my inner voice laughed back._ You don't. _

That sounded so tempting. But I knew I couldn't give in to that, no matter how much I wanted to.

_Coward._

I didn't care. I simply couldn't lose him. I had to draw the line.

"Sakura?" Shikamaru's worried tone startled me back into reality. When I looked up and into his eyes, I saw that his previous playfulness was now replaced with concern. "If this really makes you that uncomfortable, you don't really have to sit here. I just thought you'd be more comfortable this way. Sorry if I took it too far."

"No, no," I stuttered guiltily. "It's just…it's not very professional like this…"

"Did you forget I was here when you pretty much felt up Kakashi for four hours?" Shikamaru carelessly chuckled, attempting to lighten the mood, no doubt. "I wouldn't exactly call any of that _professional_."

I laughed with him, lightly punching him on the shoulder. "I'm being serious here."

"So am I."

"Shika—"

"Look, professionalism aside," he interrupted with a sigh, "is this easier than standing?"

"Well…yes," I answered truthfully.

"And will the added contact of you sitting here make this process less strenuous on you?"

"That's beside the—"

"Yes or no?"

"Fine, yes!" I grumbled back in defeat, knowing I had lost.

"Good," he winked. "Now that that's settled, you can get started. The sooner we do this, the sooner I get to go home."

"Jerk," I hissed under my breath, though I couldn't contain my smile.

Accepting that I was stuck here, I tried to center myself, slow my breathing, and find my balance. Once I accomplished just that, I placed my hands on Shikamaru's chest and lowered my head to rest on his collar bone, closing my eyes. He smelled like grass and ink, but I tried to ignore it. I forced myself to focus solely on his chakra pathways, like I was supposed to. With great effort, I was finally able to connect with them, immediately fusing my chakra with his.

He flinched as soon as I started the merging. His hands roughly grabbed my hips and squeezed, a soft hiss escaping him. I lifted my head to look, only to see him biting his lip, eyes screwed shut.

"Are you okay?" I asked, wondering if I had done something wrong.

"Yeah, I just wasn't expecting it to feel so…intense," he whispered, taking a deep breath. "I mean, I know healing chakra warms the body, but this…this is something different."

"Sorry," I laughed softly. "It can't be helped. Are you okay with me continuing or do you want me to stop?"

"I'm fine. Just took me by surprise."

I waited for him to relax his grip on my hips before I started again, lowering my head back to his neck and reconnecting to his chakra flow. It was easier this time, as I hadn't yet severed the link, and almost immediately I was ready to start merging our chakra again. I ignored his second flinch, as he relaxed himself seconds later, and instead concentrated with following his energy. Just like with Kakashi, the more I fused, the deeper I connected with Shikamaru's body until I could eventually feel everything. His heart was beating quickly, his blood rushing through his veins. His muscles were tense, causing his chakra to increase in power.

"Your heart is beating very fast."

"Yeah, well, your hands and your chakra are all over me," he shot back nervously. "What did you expect?"

"Kakashi didn't seem to have a problem with it," I countered amusedly, enjoying seeing _him_ embarrassed for once.

"Kakashi also didn't have you sitting on his lap."

"I can always move," I offered.

"I'd rather you just stop talking."

"You know, I'm in the perfect position to cause you some serious damage if I feel like it," I threatened playfully.

"You could do that," Shikamaru agreed, "but then that wouldn't be very _professional _of you, would it?"

"Touché," I laughed back. "But seriously, you have to relax. The tension in your body is changing your chakra patterns."

"Sorry."

Admittedly, I couldn't help but be secretly pleased even though it tampered with the results. His reaction to our closeness gave me hope. It had to mean something positive, right?

I quickly banished those thoughts from my head. Now was not the time to think such things. I had work to do.

Once Shikamaru had fully calmed, and his heart rate steadied to a calmer pace, I continued with my exploration. I sent my chakra downwards, past his waist and into his legs and feet. I felt around the currents, searching for any deviations in comparison to Kakashi's readings. When I found none, I moved higher, my hands slowly tracing upwards along his well-toned chest and against his shoulder blades. I admit I lingered longer than necessary, wanting nothing more than for this to never end. Moving at a slower speed than required, my fingers inched up along his throat. I smiled when I felt him swallow beneath my fingertips with a shuddered breath. I lifted my head from his shoulders, tracing up his neck as I moved my forehead to rest against his. My hands caressed the spaces around his eyes, moving briefly to flutter against his hairline.

I immediately noticed the difference. Unlike Kakashi, Shikamaru's chakra passageways weren't nearly as thick along his frontal lobe, but instead remained average in size with minimal assimilation with the neuron connectors. The connecting neuron receptors were also normal, though there were far more than I had ever seen before. Shikamaru's intelligence required many more neuron pathways than the average brain, so while I was hardly surprised, it nevertheless took my breath away.

I continued to search, observing how much thinner the chakra streams were in comparison to Kakashi's, showing just how much the Sharingan altered brain activity. Once I had scrutinized every crevice, I began to slowly withdraw my chakra until our connection was completely severed. I pulled my hands away from his face, letting my fingers slip down his neck until they rested back on his chest. I could feel the steady beating of his heart as it pounded against my fingertips.

I pulled back and opened my eyes, but quickly froze mid-movement. Shikamaru's eyes were no longer shut, but instead gazed right back into mine. I swallowed thickly. My breathing began to shallow as he removed a hand from my waist. He softly brushed his fingers against my face, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

"So, is that it?"

"For now," I agreed, unable to keep myself from leaning into his touch. He smiled softly, a tender sweet lift of the lips that I rarely ever saw. He kept his hand lingering on my cheek, gently stroking his thumb along my flesh.

The atmosphere was so light, so tender – it was the perfect time to tell him how I felt. I wanted to, I really, _really_ wanted to. But once I mustered up the courage and opened my mouth, the words weren't there. Shikamaru watched patiently as I tried to find my voice…but I just couldn't do it. So rather than tell him the things I truly wished to confess, I pulled away like a child.

I was so ashamed. How could I possibly call myself a shinobi if I couldn't even say these three simple words?

I removed myself from Shikamaru's lap, watching as his tender smile dissolved into his usual poker face. Years of knowing him helped me see the slight tightness around his eyes.

"It's late," I said. "You should head home."

"What about you?"

"I need to write a report based on my findings. There's no need for you to stay behind for that."

"Are you sure? It would be faster if we worked together."

"I'm sure, really."

_Please just leave._

I wanted to cry, cry from the shame of being too weak to confess, too scared to face the possibility of another rejection. Shikamaru still looked unsure, so I gave him the brightest smile I could manage before hugging him.

"Really, you've done more than enough for one day. Thank you." I relished in the sensation of his arms wrapped around me for that brief second.

"Anytime," he replied, letting me go to retrieve his discarded clothes. He slipped back into his mesh shirt and zipped up his vest, not quite meeting my eyes. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning then?"

"I'll be here at nine."

"Sure. Goodnight." He stuffed his hands into his pockets, traipsing out the door with a last nod of farewell.

"Goodnight," I muttered, sinking to the ground.

_Idiot,_ my inner voice sneered. _You could have told him. The situation was pretty much gift-wrapped for you, and you still blew it. Pathetic. _

I couldn't disagree. The voice in my head was right, I _was_ pathetic. I should have just told him. After all, what was the worst that could have happened?

_He could have said no_, I thought bitterly. _My heart could have broken into a million pieces. I could have lost my best friend_. I buried my head into my knees and wrapped my arms around myself.

This situation was all too familiar. After all, how many times had I confessed to Sasuke, only to have him turn me down? With every attempt I made, he threw it back at me with disdain. And there I was, always running back to him regardless of the damage it caused. My heart was too scarred now to take much more. It was one more toss away from being truly lost.

_Shikamaru isn't Sasuke,_ my inner tried to reason with me.

No, Shikamaru was nothing like Sasuke. Shikamaru was tender and compassionate. He was considerate of others before himself. He was rational and didn't allow foolish, dark desires to cloud his judgment.

Shikamaru was, and always would be, the exact opposite of _him_.

Which was why it would hurt all the more if I was rejected by Shikamaru. I had come to expect it from Sasuke, learned to live with it, even. But with _him_…to lose what we had would _destroy me_. I just couldn't risk that.

_He could say yes,_ my inner tried to plead with me. And while that was true, the fact still remained that he could also say no…and no was the word I feared most.

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**Authors note:**

**Raise your hands if you think Sakura should start listening to her inner self and stop being a chicken lol. Actually it's funny when I was writing this chapter I had a clear ending in mind where it was going to be all sweet and gushy…and then Sakura decided to pull a 180, push away from Shikamaru and thus ending this chapter in bitter sadness… oh well that just means more opportunities for her to get it right. Or you know, maybe Shikamaru will try something. Who knows?**

**Well tell me what you think, I love hearing from you all as it makes me write more chapters even faster. :P**

**Cheers!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Naruto is not mine, I am simply barrowing them for a bit of fun.**

**Authors note: a MAJOR thanks to all my reviews and continue readers, your encouragement keeps we writing at my best.**

**SUPER AWSOME THANKS GOES TO MY BETA KWIZTEN WHO HELPED ME RE-EDIT THIS CHAPTER AND ALL THE ONES BEFORE IT. THANK YOU!**

**To StarKiss666 – for pretty much predicting the first half of this chapter I dedicate this first scene to you lol I hope it meets your expectations.**

**And to Catherine129 and****jaz101****– for your continued reviews the second half is for you. ;) enjoy**

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Chapter 6

It was one in the morning by the time I left my office.

I was ridiculously drained…physically _and_ emotionally. I thought about pulling a cot from the supply closet and sleeping in my office, but decided against it. Shikamaru would notice, and I didn't think he'd like it if he found out how late I was working. It was embarrassing how long it took to complete my reports. Usually the process only took me an hour or two, but my mind was so muddled with thoughts of that evening, it took ages for me to get them done properly. What's worse, even after all that time thinking about Shikamaru, I was still no closer to figuring out what I should do.

As I exited the hospital, the full force of the night air hit me. It was chill and crisp, the full moon's glow dusting the village with a haze of white light. The streets were empty, as to be expected considering the hour, or at least I _thought_ they were empty. As I continued to walk towards my apartment, I noticed a lone figure standing in the middle of the road. I reflexively reached behind my back and grasped a kunai, but relaxed my grip once I saw who it was.

"Late night out?" I asked, walking past him.

"You're one to talk," Kakashi smiled beneath his mask, walking beside me. "How did things go with Shikamaru?"

"Fine. I checked his chakra passageways for irregularities and compared them to yours." I had to stifle a yawn. Just thinking about it exhausted me further.

"And how did that go?"

"Most of it seems to be the same, but I found massive differentiations when looking at his brain chemistry. We'll be doing another scanning exercise tomorrow so I can get a better idea of what's going on."

"How thorough of you," he said offhandedly. "Any reason you didn't do the mapping today?"

"The process would've taken hours," I bit back defensively, impatiently hoping for this conversation to end so I could go home. "I didn't want to keep him too late." I glanced over at him suspiciously. This was no casual small talk. He was fishing for something, and I had a sinking feeling in my gut of what that was.

"Anything else happen?"

I sighed in frustration. It seemed I was right in assuming the level of Kakashi's surveillance skills. He likely noticed my not-quite-platonic interactions with Shikamaru and connected the dots. Apparently he was past the casual observation stage and decided to get answers directly. Too bad for him; I had no intention of rising to his bait.

"Nope."

"I ran into him on his way out."

"So?" I ground out as though his words had no affect on me, though internally I was starting to get nervous. He sounded so sure of himself, like he knew something I didn't. I didn't like it one bit.

"He seemed very tense…flustered, even," Kakashi continued, watching me just as closely as I watched him, both of us assessing the other's reactions while pretending otherwise.

"I did a chakra scan," I said coolly, "which, as you know, can feel very personal. It's not surprising he'd be tense after his first one." I tried to suppress the memory of me straddling his waist. Personal indeed.

"And _was_ it personal?" Kakashi asked, as if reading my mind.

"I was completely professional, if that's what you're asking." _Liar._

"Really?" Swiftly, Kakashi slid to face me head on, forcing me to stop. He bowed forward until we were level with each other, staring into my eyes with a clear challenge. Well, shit.

"I don't believe you."

"I don't care," I shot back, wincing at how incriminating that sounded, and from the look Kakashi gave me, he didn't fail to notice it either.

"From what I can see," he continued, taking a step closer so our noses nearly touched, "you seem to care quite a bit, where Shikamaru is concerned."

Double shit.

"Maybe you need to get your eyes checked." I tried to move away from him, but with every step I took, he matched me in perfect synch. Not good.

"Sakura—"

"I need to get home." I jumped past him suddenly, finally breaking past his guard. I picked up my pace, not wanting to continue the conversation a moment longer. "It's late, and I—"

"What about Sasuke?"

I stopped dead in my tracks, my hands clenching into fists. A cold chill went up my spine, and suddenly I knew we weren't playing around anymore. Apparently I wasn't the only one running out of patience.

"What about Sasuke?" I retorted stiffly, not turning around to show the grief darkening my face. _Breathe. Just breathe_.

"It was my understanding that you promised to wait for him."

I don't know what it was about that sentence. Maybe it was the stress and exhaustion of my situation with Shikamaru, or maybe it was the tone Kakashi was using, implying I had done something wrong. Or maybe it was just years and years of hurt and frustration building up inside me. But like an elastic band stretched too far, I snapped. Whirling around, I stomped toward Kakashi until I was standing right in front of him, fists balled at my side.

"I _have_ waited," I spat. My voice cut like a blade through water. I felt my eyes begin to mist over, a reflex to my rage and exhaustion. The unwanted tears gathered along the corners and I allowed them to remain there, hovering over the brink like a child contemplating the fall.

"For my _entire life,_ I have waited for him," I continued lowly, though my voice cracked unabashedly. "When we were teammates, I waited for him to trust me, but instead he called me a nuisance. When he abandoned the village, I begged him to stay, even to take me with him, but he didn't think I was good enough." My voice dipped into icy territory as I continued, the tears no longer teetering at the edges as I pushed them away. I was done crying. I could feel my body shaking, my nails digging into my palms like knives. "For three years I waited, hoping he would come back, but he _didn't_. I used to think about all the people he killed, all the terrible things he'd done…but even then _I still waited_ for him to come back."

"Sakura, please—" Kakashi tried to calm me down. I could see the frantic look in his eyes as he watched me unravel, but I couldn't stop. It was like a dam had broken, and all the feelings I had been holding back rushed forth, fueled by a momentum that had been building over an entire lifetime.

"NO!" I snapped, backing away from him, my voice rising in momentum until I was fully yelling at him. "I have spent my _entire life_ waiting for Sasuke to trust me. I have given him everything I have, and still he does not want me. Exactly how much longer do you think it'll take for him to care? How many more days, months, _years_ will I have to wait before he finally opens up to me?" I paused, waiting for Kakashi to answer, but as I expected, he had no words to offer me. My eyes drooped and my shoulders slumped, and somehow I knew I appeared much older than I actually was. "I'm _tired_…I'm so tired of wasting my life, waiting for someone that doesn't even want me. I'm tired of crying over someone that cares only for himself. I _loved_ Sasuke," I swore to him, my voice breaking. I wrapped my arms around myself as if I could physically hold together the pieces I could feel breaking away. "I loved Sasuke with all my heart. I would have died for him, followed him anywhere. I would have left everything behind to be with him. But twice I have been left behind. Twice I have watched him as he turned his back on us. I need to stop living in a fantasy and wake up to the reality that _Sasuke will never love me_."

"You don't know that," Kakashi tried to reason.

"Don't I?" I laughed bitterly. "Because from where I'm standing, it seems pretty obvious that I've been nothing but delusional."

"He said he would come back for you. Don't you remember?"

"I was eighteen when he said that. It's been three years. Face it, he's not coming back."

"Sakura—"

"Fine!" I blurted, throwing my hands into the air. "Let's say you're right. Let's say Sasuke returns, and while we're at it, let's say he falls madly in love with me. Tell me, what happens then? Can you guarantee we would even be happy? That he'd never leave me again?"

The tightening around Kakashi's eyes was answer enough. No, he couldn't guarantee any of that, and we both knew it.

"That's what I thought." The anger within me dulled with my voice, the fury I previously felt evaporating into a hollow pit. I was suddenly ashamed at my outburst. After all, it wasn't Kakashi's fault I had wasted so much of my heart on someone like Sasuke. If I was in his shoes, I'd be suspicious too, considering how stupidly I had devoted my life to a mere fantasy.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi apologized, taking me by surprise. "I didn't mean to upset you. You're right, you have waited far longer than anyone ever expected…which is why it came as such a shock for me tosee it change."

"It came as a shock to me too," I agreed quietly.

"Why Shikamaru?"

"What makes you think Shikamaru has anything to do with it?" I pointlessly argued, no longer even caring that he knew.

"You look at him with the same adoration I once saw you give Sasuke...although perhaps, this time, it's even stronger. I'd have to be blind not to see it. So why him?"

"Why?" I repeated, finally giving up. "Because he's everything Sasuke isn't. Shikamaru is kind and caring to those he values. He's extremely intelligent, but he also knows how to enjoy life. He doesn't care about status, doesn't let negativity change him, and he knows who he is. He treats me like an equal, and I know if I ever need him, he'll be there no matter how 'troublesome' it is. He makes me happy. He makes me feel like I matter and that I'm important and not just some weak screw up that holds everyone back." I smiled softly, casting my eyes away from Kakashi as I pictured Shikamaru's warmth near me. "When I was at my lowest…when Sasuke left on his search for redemption, it was Shikamaru that stood by me. He can be lazy and annoying and utterly insufferable, and yet…" I blushed, getting carried away with myself but hardly caring. "I don't fully understand what it is about Shikamaru that makes me feel like I do. All I know is that I love him, and that I can't bear to lose him like everyone else."

"…Have you told him this?"

"No," I answered quietly, not able to look him in the eyes.

"You should."

"But what if he doesn't feel the same?"

"Heh, well…I think the odds are in your favor."

"But what if—"

"_Sakura_," Kakashi interrupted, reaching out to turn my face towards him. "What are you afraid of?"

"Losing him," I answered honestly.

"If you were to lose him over something like this, then he's not worth your time."

"I just don't know if I can take another heart break," I replied dejectedly.

"Believe me when I say you're the strongest and scariest woman I have had the pleasure of training. You have accomplished some amazing things over the years despite the dangers you've faced. Are you really going to let fear stop you from finding happiness?"

I couldn't help but smile at his words. "I'm the _only_ female you've trained over the years," I reminded him.

"Thank the heavens for that. I don't think I could handle another of you."

We both laughed at that, the tension finally evaporating. "You always know what to say to cheer me up," I told him gratefully.

"All a part of being a mentor."

"Thanks…and I'm sorry for blowing up like that."

"Don't worry about it," he shrugged nonchalantly, as if none of this drama even happened. "Sometimes I forget how much everything's affected you and Naruto. I'm glad we could have this talk. If you ever need to confide in anyone about this, I'm happy to lend you my ears. It's not healthy to let all these feelings stay bottled up inside for too long."

"Thank you," I said again, hugging him thankfully. He sighed and pat my head, which only made me smile more.

"I must be off now. It's rather late."

"Of course," I agreed, releasing him. "Good night, Kakashi."

"Good night, Sakura."

And with that, he was gone, disappearing in the blink of an eye into the surrounding darkness.

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I pulled the covers tighter around myself, burying my head under my pillow. I was having the most wonderful dream...

Shikamaru and I were lying in the forest alone, cloud-gazing. We weren't talking, just enjoying the silence around us. Without warning, Shikamaru was above me, gazing at me with such love and tenderness that it made my heart race and skin crawl with warmth. He slowly began to trace the lines of my face with his fingertips, moving closer and closer until our lips were mere inches apart. And then—

"Sakura, I'm warning you. You can either get up on your own, or I'm dragging you out by force in the next three seconds."

I furrowed my brow in confusion, the sweet picture shattering in my mind. That's not something Shikamaru would say…?

"One."

My eyes snapped open at the sound of his voice. My heart pounded in dread. I hadn't just dreamt his voice saying my name after all – he was _in my room_.

"Two."

And I was naked.

"Three!"

He yanked at my covers to pull them right as I shot up to wrench them back. I wasn't fast enough. Before I was able to fasten the comforter around myself, Shikamaru had managed to pull a small section just past my cleavage, effectively giving him a brief peek at my bare chest.

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, completely mortified. I had been so tired the night before, I had foregone my usual nightgown; clearly I wasn't expecting such a violating wake-up call.

Surprised by my outburst, Shikamaru dropped the corner he was holding and took a step back, eyes popping at the sight. "Ahh…are you...SHIT." I watched as his face paled before flushing a bright red as it all registered in his brain.

"I SAID _GET OUT_. NOW!"

He didn't need to be told again as he booked it faster than a ramen-craving Naruto.

Oh my god…_oh my god_. OH. MY. GOD.

He saw! He totally saw! How the hell was I supposed to face him after this? I was panicking, pure and simple. My body shook from the shock as my mind fruitlessly tried to process what had just happened. I quickly grabbed a pillow and slammed my face into it, screaming and hoping it would help.

It didn't.

I reflexively glanced at my clock, shocked to see it read "10:05am." I was supposed to be up three hours ago…and then it dawned on me. After my talk with Kakashi, I never reset my alarm for 7am, and because of how late I stayed up, I accidentally slept in, missing my meet-up with Shikamaru at nine.

_Which is why he's here now_, my inner finished for me, just as mortified.

"Sakura…?" Shikamaru said hesitantly from the other side of the door. "You okay?"

"Fine!" I yelled back, scrambling out of bed. I immediately began to change into my uniform from yesterday, but struggled to pull my top over my head. "Just give me a second!"

_Okay, calm down, _I told myself, smoothing down my hair_. It's not the end of the world. So he saw a little skin! You're an adult, you can handle this. It's no different than when he saw you in your nightgown – okay, it's a_ lot_ different. Alright, deep breath, you can do this! Just go out there and pretend it never happened._

I took a last deep breath and shook myself out, but as I reached for the handle, I froze, unable to turn the knob.

_Get yourself together, Sakura, and open that damn door! _

I steeled myself and turned the knob, exiting my room with as much dignity as I could muster. Shikamaru was pacing my hallway, hands running through his hair as he muttered to himself, but at the sound of my entrance, he spun around and blushed. He immediately turned away from me.

"Look," he began in a rush, "I had no idea you were…well…um…"

"Unclothed?" I finished for him, no doubt blushing just as deeply as he.

"Yeah…I just…I mean…God, Sakura, I'm sorry! Please don't kill me!" He clasped his hands together eagerly. I blamed it on my nerves really, but when I saw him standing there, looking as embarrassed and terrified as he was, something bubbled up within me and I keeled over laughing.

"What's so funny?" he stuttered at my sudden fit of laughter.

"I don't know," I snickered, "but the look on your face is too much!"

"Women…"

"But seriously," I finished with a glare, "if you tell anyone about this, I'll use all my medical training to make your death a long and painful one. We clear?"

"Crystal…and sorry. Really."

"Whatever," I sighed awkwardly, "but can we please stop talking about it?"

"Whatever you say." He turned and began walking down the hall, toward my kitchen. I sighed in relief, happy the awkwardness would pass. "Here."

I looked up in surprise to see Shikamaru handing me a brown paper bag. "What's this?"

"Well, after you stood me up, I stopped somewhere and picked up breakfast." I took the bag from him gratefully and looked inside.

"Umeboshi! My favorite!" I gleefully opened the container of pickled plums and took a quick bite. "Shikamaru, you sure know how to make a girl happy."

He just snorted with a shake of his head and a roll of his eyes, but I could see the faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he ate his own breakfast. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah. Sorry about not showing up earlier. By the time I got home, I was so tired that I forget to set my alarm."

"You should've let me help you with those reports," he complained, waiting for me to lock up.

"It's not that," I protested. "I just ran into Kakashi on my way home." He didn't look he believed me.

"Even so, I'm staying until the reports are done from now on."

The rest of the walk to the hospital was silent, and once we entered my office, Shikamaru wasted no time in stripping off his vest and shirt in one fluid movement.

"Are you sure you can do everything on your own?" he asked as I began gathering my materials.

"It'll be a lot slower this time, but I can do it. You ready?"

"One sec," he mumbled.

I nearly dropped my materials as he raised his arms above his head and stretched. My heart beat faster and faster as I watched the flex of his muscles. I knew I should look away – it was only polite – but I couldn't tear my eyes from him as he twisted his torso and rolled his neck, loosening up in preparation. By the time he finished, I was a hot mess of hidden desire.

"Alright, ready when you are," he said, settling in his usual armchair. I didn't move. "Something wrong?"

If I was anyone else, I'd have noted his tone as "disinterested." But after years of getting close to him, I knew from experience that it was far from impartial. That stretch had been him messing with me.

_Then mess with him right back,_ my inner offered impishly. I smirked. For once we were in agreement.

"No," I answered, sauntering over to him with a slight sway of my hips. "Just thinking that since I detected nothing significant about your chakra below the waist, I might just skip doing that region entirely to save time."

His brow twitched.

"Makes no difference to me," he answered coolly. "The sooner you finish, the sooner I can put my clothes back on."

"Embarrassed, Shikamaru?" I snickered, arranging my materials close by before straddling his waist. His hands immediately flew to the exposed section of my uniform. I sucked in a harsh breath at the warmth of his hands soaking into my skin.

"Not at all," he murmured, eyes burning into mine with a blackened heat. "Just trying to be considerate, considering your…_sensitivity _with bare chests this morning."

_Bastard!_

Slowly and with a languid movement, I dragged my hands up his chest and around his neck, locking my arms around him. I brought my face close enough that our noses were just a breath apart.

"I thought we agreed to never mention that again," I whispered back with a sickly sweetness, softly brushing the back of his neck with my fingertips.

"I agreed to never tell anyone. I never said I'd forget about it."

His eyes darkened further as he slowly brought his hands up my sides, his thumbs drawing invisible patterns into my skin. My breath hitched, nails digging into the back of his neck. He smirked victoriously and dropped his hands, leaning back and effectively breaking the spell we had fallen under. I felt my face heat up with embarrassment and moved back, unlocking my hands from around him. For a moment I thought he was going to kiss me. But of course that wasn't going to happen. I chided myself. It was just a game. Nothing more.

"I'm starting now," I told him, hiding just how disappointed I was that he'd pulled away. He nodded, leaning back and closing his eyes in relaxation.

For the next six hours, I sent charges of chakra flowing into his body, simultaneously tracing the patterns onto my chart until everything was finished. Unlike last time, I didn't linger on his body, but instead moved away from him as soon as the process was done. We wasted no time filling out the reports for Shikamaru's mapping, spending another few hours detailing and organizing. We poured over Shikamaru, Kakashi and Sasuke's charts in loose detail.

The entire time, we stayed completely professional, not once straying off topic. However, try as I might, I couldn't stop myself from secretly sneaking glances at Shikamaru. I recognized how close we were now, compared to three years ago, how we had gone from casual acquaintances to the best of friends. I wondered what was running through his mind and I wondered if our interactions had any affect on him whatsoever. Finally, I wondered if maybe, _maybe _"best friends" wasn't the farthest our relationship would reach.

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**Well there you go I hope you all enjoyed chapter 6 and I look forward to hearing what you think. Also I want to give a fair warning that this will probably be my last chapter update until July as I will be swamped in writing 5 essays for school. I might drop a chapter in before then but that probably won't be the case. Until next time!**

**Cheers!**


	7. Chapter 7 (author message)

IM SORRY THIS IS NOT A NEW CHAPTER!

For those that were expecting a new chapter I am sorry but im still on pause till July. However my message does not come without reason. Ive recently gotten a review and it really made me think. Would anyone be interested in reading chapters in Shikamaru's perspective past or future? If so please let me know either by review or personal message. Let me know if it is something you guys would like to read and if so what chapters you would want to read from him. Even if you only want a particular scene I think I could whip something up.

Thanks for all of your patience and support of this story.

Your writer 14tara14

ALSO, just added note, about a month ago i had acquired an amazing BETA **Kwizten,** whom has helped me re-edit all past chapters as well as will be helping me with future ones. all my chapters have been re-posted as of right now, nothing major has changed plot wise, however, they are so much better now then they were before.

P.S. fear not, chapter 7 is on its way, your patience will be richly rewarded :) muhahahahaha


	8. Chapter 8

I'm baaaack…for the moment. Thank you for all of your patience while I focus on school. For those of you that don't know I've found myself a Beta Kwizten who will be aiding me in making this story the best that it can be, and on that note has helped me re-write/edit all of my previous chapters. So check that out if you like.

Any whooo anther big thanks to my reviews, I have heard you loud and clear and am currently working on a chapter in Shikamaru's perspective on top of writing you new chapters. So it might be awhile before you get one with him.

Well, that's everything, I hope you guys really like this chapter as I worked extra hard on it to make it perfect!

ENJOY!

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Chapter 7

"I don't know how much more of this I can take!" I sighed with exasperation, falling backwards onto my bed.

It had been three weeks since Shikamaru and I started working together. About a week into our progress, Lady Tsunade convinced the elders to give us full access to the Uchiha archives, and ever since then, Shikamaru and I have been little worker bees, jumping on any information we could find about the Sharingan. After almost a month of hard work, we finally finished compiling our theories and had been preparing to test them…meaning I would have to perform many more scans on both Kakashi _and_ Shikamaru soon.

"Why don't you just save yourself the trouble and _jump him already_?" Ino laughed, flicking her hair over her shoulder. "Seriously, Sakura, do you not see the way that man looks at you? He's practically begging you to do it with that smolder of his."

"You're just saying that," I mumbled, hugging my pillow to my chest. "Shikamaru only sees me as a friend."

Even so, I couldn't help but think about all those times he'd caught me in a compromising situation. I remembered the way his eyes darkened as they traveled along my body, and when he'd grab my hips and pull me close. These memories alone made me shiver.

Still, I reasoned dejectedly, it could have just been a boyish, hormonal reaction. He probably would have responded the same with any half-naked woman standing in front of him. As for that scan, infusing chakra was known for stirring up very…_stimulating_ feelings. It shouldn't have been a surprise that he was effected the way he was. It probably didn't mean a thing…

"You're joking, right? You can't be _that_ blind." Ino ripped the pillow away from me and smacked me in the head with it. Hard. "Every time I see you two together, I feel like I'm watching a fucking porno…_without_ the hot sex, mind you. He looks at you like he's about to rip your clothes off and devour you in the street! And you're no better, with your doe-eyed, wanton fuck-me eyes. Why don't you do everyone a favor and kiss him already so the rest of the village doesn't have to see that crap?"

"INO!" I screeched, absolutely mortified. "I do _not_ look at him like that!"

"Oh, yes you do. Even Sai has started to notice."

"YOU TOLD SAI?" I cried out, yanking my pillow back. I smacked her in the face just as hard, sending her falling off my bed in surprise.

"Like hell I did!" she shouted back, getting up from the floor. "You guys are so obvious, he figured it out on his own. In fact, if it weren't for me, he would have already blurted it out weeks ago, so _you're welcome_. Now give me that pillow!"

"Oh god," I breathed, putting up no resistance as Ino seized the pillow back. If Sai had figured it out… "Do you think Naruto knows?" I asked, freezing at the thought.

Ino just looked at me for a second before bursting out in laughter. "Please, if that dolt had figured it out, do you really think he'd keep quiet about it? When he knows, you'll know. Hell, the whole village will know."

I sighed in relief. "Yeah, you're right."

"Of course I'm right, and I'm also right about Shikamaru."

"Well, if you're so 'right about Shikamaru,' then why hasn't he asked me out?" I challenged her. "He's had plenty of opportunities."

"For the same reason you haven't asked him," she shot back. I groaned into my hands. There was a pause before I heard her let out a long sigh in frustration. I felt the bed dip as she sat beside me, pulling me toward her so I could rest my head on her shoulder.

"I get it, okay? You're scared. That's understandable, considering your experiences with Sasuke. But you can't keep letting the past affect your future like this. They're not the same person."

"I know that," I whispered.

"Then stop treating him like he is."

"I'm not—" Before I could finish, the words caught in my throat. She was right. I _had_ been treating Shikamaru with the same fear I would Sasuke. How much more pathetic could I get? I sighed, the tension in my shoulders deflating. "I just…don't know what to do. Every time I try to tell him, something gets in the way."

"The only thing getting in your way is _you_."

"Whatever…" I mumbled, turning away. I hated when Ino got serious. It made it so much harder to ignore her.

"Can I ask you something?" she whispered uncertainly, her unusual shyness catching me off guard.

"What?"

"What was the moment you realized you loved him?" My eyes widened in surprise, and for a second I didn't know what to say. I studied her face, noticing how thoughtful and vulnerable she looked. It was an unusual combo I didn't see often from her.

"I'm not sure," I told her truthfully. I tried to think back to the exact moment I realized my feelings. "A little over a year ago, I guess. I'd just finished a complex surgery that had gone completely wrong…" I trailed off, remembering that day more clearly. The boy, Hiro...he was just a genin fresh out of the academy, eager to prove his worth. Out of impatience, he attempted a highly advanced and very dangerous jutsu and got hurt. Badly. "The tissue along his arms and torso was devastated. I tried to re-grow the cells but his body was rejecting the treatment." I tried to push back the lump in my throat. He was so young. He had the whole world ahead of him. Or at least, he was supposed to.

"Sakura..."

"I lost him," I told her, taking a shuttering breath. "The damage infected his cells in a way I couldn't repair. He died on my table." I shut my eyes, pushing back my shame. I had tried my best to save him, but my best hadn't been good enough. The worst part was telling his family. Their cries of despair were something that still remained sharp in my memory, even now.

"I left the hospital after that," I continued, ignoring the way Ino was looking at me. "I couldn't go home, and I didn't want to talk to anyone, so I just started to run." I scoffed inwardly at my stupidity. I had ran as if making some distance between what had happened would make it better. Of course it wouldn't, but that hadn't stopped me from trying. "I was a few miles away from the village, near some cliffs hanging over the valley, before I finally stopped. I sat at the ledge and just stared into the distance." I refrained from telling her how much I had cried there, or how, for a moment, I had considered what it would feel like to step over the ledge and just…fall. They were weak thoughts, a sickening product of my insecurities fuelled by the crushing weight of Hiro's death. A death I had allowed. After all, what was the point of being a shinobi, of being a medic-nin, if I couldn't even save the life of a child?

"Sakura, I'm so sorry…"

"It's fine," I reassured her with a small smile. "It happened a long time ago. As a medic-nin, sometimes we have to accept death so we can learn from our mistakes and never make them again."

"Still," Ino insisted, shaking her head, "that's not something you should have gone through alone. You should have told me!"

"But I wasn't alone," I told her. It took a moment, but soon her eyes cleared of confusion. Her lips formed into an "O" as understanding dawned on her.

"Shikamaru?"

"Shikamaru," I agreed. "I have no idea how he found me, but he did." One moment I was alone, buried within a tsunami of self-loathing, and the next, he was there. "He never said a word to me. Just sat down and waited." Silent as grace, he watched as I cried myself dry and screamed myself hoarse, not once making a sound or coming any closer. He sat in patient silence as I unraveled in front of him, exposing my weakest side. It wasn't until I was finished that he finally moved.

"Once I let everything out, he pulled me down and started to run his fingers through my hair. I was so shocked, I was going to protest, but then he started talking about Asuma and I just found myself listening." He talked for a long time about what it was like to lose Asuma, of the memories he had of him before he died…all while tenderly stroking his fingers through my hair. His expression never changed from its stony demeanor, but I could hear the pain in his voice. "He shared all of his memories with him, talked about Asuma's daughter…" I smiled wistfully at the memory, recalling the last thing he said as the sun sank low over the horizon.

"There will always be death," he had told me. "As shinobi, we're constantly surrounded by it. It's our world…but where there is death, there is also life. We're fighting to preserve the lives of the future and while we can't always save them all, that doesn't mean we can't make a difference with the ones we do help."

After that, we sat in silence and watched the skyline fade to black. Once it became dark, Shikamaru had tugged me to my feet and took my hand in his, gently pulling me towards the village. He held my hand the entire way as we walked home together. It was then that I realized how much of a rock Shikamaru had become in my life. He became someone I could rely on, someone that would be there for me in ways no one else could. He became the person whose hand I never wanted to let go. "He took me home and left me at my door," I finished telling Ino, smiling at the memory, "and I realized just how much he meant to me." Ino stared at me in silence before looking away, as if absorbing my story.

"I never knew," she finally breathed. "So that was it, huh? That was when you fell in love with him?"

"No," I shook my head. "I fell in love with him long before that. It just took my head a little longer to catch up."

"You _are_ pretty thick headed," she snickered jokingly, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere my story had created.

"Oh shut up," I hissed back, just as playfully.

"You need to tell him this."

"How?" I shot back sarcastically. As if I could ever tell him something so embarrassing.

"You could always ask him out for a drink and get him wasted," she offered casually before snorting in amusement, leaving behind the final weight of melancholy. "Although getting him drunk might be even harder than getting him into bed. I've never seen Shikamaru anything but a little tipsy."

"Ino, be serious," I scolded, secretly fighting off my own grin.

"Fine, then_ you_ get drunk! Actually, better yet, let's _both_ get drunk. This is the first night off you've had in forever and we are _not_ wasting the entire night on this mushy bullshit! We're going to go out and party!" Before I could protest, she shot up and ran into my closet.

"What are you looking for?" I asked, apprehensively trailing behind her.

"That black dress I got you a while back. Where is it…? Ha, got it!" She triumphantly pulled out the lacy, skintight number from the hole I had tried to bury it in.

"I'm not wearing that." I told her, stone-faced.

"Yes, you are."

"You can't make me."

"Do you really want to go down that road with me?"

"You can't keep threatening to use your mind transfer jutsu on me all the time," I told her, not budging.

"That's true, so how about you get in this dress or I'm walking over to Shikamaru's and telling him everything you just told me?"

Well, fuck.

"I really hate you sometimes," I told her, taking the scrap of fabric and eyeing it distastefully. And she wonders why I don't like telling her my secrets…

"You only hate me because I'm right. Now hurry up and put it on. We can do hair and makeup at my place."

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Two hours later, we were off to the club, my dress uncomfortable and my pink hair in proper curls. Ino, meanwhile, wore a deep purple gown that stuck to her like a second skin, enough bare flesh exposed that the length hardly mattered. She looked absolutely stunning, every male in the vicinity stopping for a double take. I may not have looked as sexy as she did, but I had to admit that I cleaned up well. The dress gave me a shapely curve, my breasts at full attention and my legs long.

"Admit it," Ino smirked. "You like it."

"I admit nothing," I told her hotly, sticking my nose in the air.

"Well, well, look who it is," Ino chucked, nodding at two figures in the distance. I looked where she was indicating and froze.

_You have got to be kidding me. _

"Shikamaru! Choji!" she called with a wave, directing their attention to us. "Over here!"

"What are you doing?" I hissed, watching in horror as they came closer.

"You were chatting with my mom downstairs for sooo long, so I rang them up and asked them to join us."

"You did _what_?" I screeched. "_Why_?"

"This is for your own good," she told me seriously. "One way or another, you are going to confess your feelings to him. He likes you, okay? I know he does. Just look at him! Look at the way he's staring at you right now and tell me you don't see what I do."

I did as she asked, and felt my breath catch as his eyes burned, taking me in with a slow, lazy smile stretching across his face. He was gorgeous. Gone was his usual green vest; in its place was a navy blue button-up, his sleeves pushed up to his elbows. The first three buttons were undone, leaving a teasing glimpse of his chest for all to see.

"Ino, I—"

"No more excuses. Pull yourself together!" Ino hissed at me before greeting Choji and Shikamaru directly. "Sorry to keep you guys waiting. Ready to go?"

"We were ready an hour ago," Shikamaru yawned. "You're late."

"I'm sorry," Ino drawled sarcastically, "do you think perfection like this just magically happens? Stop your moaning, you should feel honored to have the opportunity to escort such beautiful women!"

Shikamaru just rolled his eyes at her before sneaking me a wink. I hid my smile behind my hand.

"Don't mind him," Choji stepped in, "he's just grouchy 'cause you took away his cloud-watching time."

"Whatever, let's just get going already," Shikamaru said, turning away from us and walking towards the club. We quickly followed after him, Ino grumbling about his lack of manners.

"You look very nice tonight, Sakura," Choji complimented shyly.

I turned to him and smiled sheepishly. "Thanks, you as well. I don't think I've ever seen you so dressed up." Nowadays he usually wore his armor around the village, hardly ever walking around in street clothes, but tonight he was wearing a flattering auburn shirt with a collar, black dress pants and shiny shoes. He looked very handsome.

"Thanks," Choji laughed. "Ino insisted we both look presentable. After working with her for so long, I've found it's easier to agree with her than it is to argue."

"Don't I know it," I snickered.

"How has your project been going?" he asked with a mischievous nudge. "I hardly ever see my best bud anymore."

I laughed nervously. "Good, really good. We start our test runs with Kakashi on Monday."

"That's good to hear. Glad things are going well."

"Oh for heaven's sake, can't you go one night without talking about work?" Ino complained, butting in between us. "New rule: every time you talk about work tonight, you have to do a shot."

"Is there anything about my life you don't have to have control over?" I asked, annoyed.

"I wouldn't have to if you knew how to have fun on your own!"

"I know how to have fun!"

"Then prove it," she challenged. "No more shop talk, and no more serious topics for the rest of the night. Only fun is allowed!"

"Ino, just leave her alone, will you?" Shikamaru called, interrupting our little spat. "Anyway, we're here already."

"Woohoo! First round's on Sakura!" Grabbing Choji's arm, Ino dragged him ahead and into the club, leaving Shikamaru and I behind. I shook my head at her antics and followed after her, lazy ninja in tow.

"You're going to have to learn to say no to her eventually," he snickered.

"Bite me, Nara."

"Don't tempt me, Haruno."

I rolled my eyes, reaching to open the doors. I winced at the sudden bombardment of loud music pounding from the speakers, not quite used to the change in atmosphere. The Black Den was a club favored by shinobi, with its thrilling beats, electric lights and cheap drinks. It was the optimal choice for a good night out, and Ino loved it here. The only times I ever came around was when she dragged me along, much like tonight. Though I had to admit, we _did_ always have a good time, so who was I to complain?

Shikamaru and I approached the bar where Ino and Choji had already claimed their seats, shots already ordered and ready.

"Bottoms up!" Ino cheered, handing them to us. "To alcohol!"

"To alcohol!" we repeated with a laugh, clinking our glasses together before downing them in one gulp.

The beginning of the end.

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Six shots and five cocktails later, I was completely smashed.

Ino wasn't far behind me, with Choji being on the later end of tipsy. Only Shikamaru remained mostly sober, with just a faint flush against his cheeks. Ino and I were currently on the dance floor, hands on each other's hips, twisting and twirling to the pulsating beats of the music. My head felt fuzzy, but my spirits were high. Confidence swirled inside me to a degree I couldn't even recognize.

"I'm gonna tell him," I slurred into Ino's ear loudly, finally feeling like I was ready to face him head on.

"Damn straight you will!" she cheered, pushing me towards the bar where Shikamaru sat nursing his drink. I stumbled closer to him and plopped down directly onto his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Have I told you how sexy you look tonight?" I asked seductively in his ear, brushing my fingers along the back of his neck.

"No," he replied, looking slightly surprised at my sudden forwardness.

"Well, you do," I told him, snuggling into his neck. "You also smell amazing."

"How much have you had to drink tonight?"

"S'not important. Do you think_ I_ look sexy?" I giggled.

"Sakura, I think I should take you home now," he said, pulling my hands away from his neck.

"I'd rather you take me to bed," I winked, nearly falling over as a fit of giggles overtook me. I needed to stop laughing. He wouldn't take me seriously if I keep cracking up like this. But even though I knew that, I couldn't control myself and kept giggling like a schoolgirl. Shikamaru held me in place, stopping me from hitting the floor. His face turned bright red at my words. He opened his mouth to say something before closing it and shaking his head.

"Yeah…okay, I think you're done for tonight." He helped me to my feet, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, the fuzziness intensifying and making it harder to stand.

"Choji!" he called down the bar. "I'm taking Sakura home. Keep an eye on Ino, would you?"

"Sure thing!" he answered, turning back to his conversation with a group of ninja I didn't recognize. Shikamaru looked back at me then, noticing my unsteady legs.

"Can you walk, or do you need me to carry you?" he asked, seemingly over his embarrassment as he smirked down at me. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was rather amused at my condition.

"I don't want to go," I pouted. "I want to t-tell you something."

"You can tell me later," he brushed me off, pulling me towards the exit instead. I stumbled a little and almost tripped as someone bumped into me from behind. With a sigh, Shikamaru scooped me up and carried me out the door. My head rolled at the sudden position change, and I giggled as Shikamaru tried balancing me. I marveled at the feeling of his strong arms and how his muscles flexed around me. I licked my lips. So sexy. He smelled sexy too. I wondered if he would mind if I had a little taste.

I giggled further as he maneuvered us through the crowd of people. Finally we escaped the loud, bright confines of the club. Shikamaru put me down on my feet, only to crouch in front of me.

"Get on," he instructed, gesturing at his back.

"I can't—"

"Get on, Sakura."

I didn't argue further and simply did what he asked, linking my arms around his neck and wrapping my legs around his waist. As he stood, I rested my head on his back, taking a deep breath.

"Are you mad at me?" I whispered as he started walking.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you."

"That's not my problem." I snorted. Typical Shikamaru. I snuggled closer to him and closed my eyes.

"You really shouldn't dress like this in public," I told him with a yawn.

Shikamaru barked out a laugh. "And why's that?"

"You look too – damn – sexy," I told him again, the alcohol in my system making me brass. "I'm gonna end up beating girls off you with a stick."

_Or just jump you myself_, I thought absentmindedly, vaguely remembering Ino's comments earlier that day.

"That's kind of a hypocritical statement to make, considering your choice of evening wear tonight. Don't you think?"

"S'not the same," I shook my head. "Ino made me."

"That's your excuse for everything."

"Shhhh!" I hushed him loudly, covering his mouth with my hands. "No more talking!" I giggled as he playfully bit at my fingers. "Stop that!" I laughed, smacking his head lightly. "You're gonna make me fall."

"Troublesome," he muttered under his breath.

I smiled, settling back down. I enjoyed the feeling of being so close to him. His body was warm and soothing – I always felt safe with him. Shikamaru just had this aura about him that practically screamed "calm and collective." He rarely ever lost his cool, but I always enjoyed the moments when he did. I knew I got to see more of his emotional side than others did, but I still wished he would let down his walls with me more often. It wasn't that I liked seeing him weak or angry or scared, but rather, I liked how he trusted me enough to share those feelings with me. He'd always been an anchor for me, and I wanted more than anything to be one for him.

Still lost in thought, and due to a skewed perception of time, I looked up to see that we'd somehow already reached my apartment door.

"Do you have your key?" Shikamaru asked, carefully setting me back on my feet.

Without a word, I reached into my cleavage, pulling out my house key and handing it to him like it was nothing. He took it from me wordlessly and unlocked the door, holding it open for me. I stumbled through, but with more balance than before, the night air having sobered me up quite a bit.

"Think you can manage from here?" he asked, still standing in the doorway.

"You can come in if you want," I told him. I could feel my heart starting to beat faster from my nerves.

_It's time_, I told myself. _I need to tell him._

"I don't know," he hesitated, glancing at his watch. "It's getting late."

"Please?" I insisted. "I can make tea."

He seemed to mull it over for a second before entering the apartment and closing the door. "Tell me where the stuff is and I'll make it. You should sit down."

I smiled gratefully and plopped down at the kitchen table, crossing my ankles under my chair and folding my arms under my chin. "The tea's in the cabinet next to the stove, and mugs are in the far left cabinet… Thanks for taking me home."

"Don't mention it," he smiled, placing the kettle over the stove and reaching for the tea cabinet. He paused a moment, taking in the organized assortment of containers, all different colors and brands filled with various flavored leaves, and I watched as he finally settled on a light jasmine. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah," I told him with a yawn, watching as he began preparing our drinks. His movements were smooth and precise, no wasted energy at all. "I'm sorry Ino dragged you out tonight."

Shikamaru just shrugged as if he couldn't care less. "It wasn't a complete drag."

"So you had fun?"

"I wouldn't go that far."

I smirked at his reply. Typical Shikamaru. "How far would you go?"

He just shook his head at my probing. "It was…amusing."

"That's an odd way to describe a club."

"I wasn't referring to the club."

Before I could ask what he meant by that, the kettle began to scream. Without missing a beat he removed it from the stove, and I watched silently as he poured water into our mugs and moved to sit beside me. I smiled my thanks as he handed my drink to me, taking a careful sip.

"Thank you."

"Welcome."

I didn't know what else to say, or even how to start, so instead I quietly drank my tea, paying little mind to the burn it left on the roof of my mouth while I watched Shikamaru nurse his own. He seemed deep in thought. He kept twisting his cup in his hands and staring into the liquid as if it had the answers he needed.

"Something on your mind?" I asked. He looked up at me and smiled softly.

"Just thinking I should probably head out now. You look tired."

"You can stay."

"I really shouldn't."

"Please," I begged, knowing that I may never have the courage to do this again. "I want to talk to you about something."

"You can tell me tomorrow when you're sober," he said, getting up to take his mug to the sink.

"_Please_!" I said louder and more desperately than I meant to. "This can't wait anymore!"

He must have heard it, the anxiety I was trying so hard to hide, because the moment those words left my lips he froze mid-step, giving me a long, hard look before sitting back down. His eyes never once left mine. I could feel my hands begin to shake. I tried clasping them together to make it stop, but to no avail. I was too nervous. I took a deep breath to steady my nerves, but no sound came out. I became frozen in place as what I was about to do washed over me. I wasn't ready for this after all. I wasn't ready to lose him.

_Don't you dare back out! _my inner screamed, thrashing in my mind. _DON'T. YOU. DARE._

_How do I tell him? Where do I even start? _

_You can start by _showing_ him your heart, not hiding it from him. _

My heart?

I didn't even know how to begin doing that. I didn't know how to show him that he was the first and last thing on my mind every day. I didn't know how to explain the way my heart raced and my body trembled with his presence alone – or how, whenever I felt insecure, it was him I looked to for stability. I couldn't possibly show him that he didn't just have my heart, but that he _was_ my heart. What words could possibly come even_ close_ to expressing the depth of my feelings for him?

"Sakura?"

Shikamaru's voice was just a whisper in my ear. He looked so confused, worry etched deep within his eyes as he bore witness to my turmoil. I tried to speak, to tell him I was fine, but rather than words, tears started to fall, catching me off guard. I blinked in surprise as my breathing increased, clasping my hands over my mouth to muffle the sound. Not understanding why I was reacting like this, my body trembled with every ragged breath I took. I tried to control myself, but I had no more power over my body than I did the world. His arms were around me in an instant. Steady and strong and familiar.

"Sakura, please, what's wrong? I can't help you if you don't tell me."

"I can't do this anymore," I choked out. It's too much. Too many emotions, too much fear…I couldn't do this. I couldn't. "It hurts so much."

"What hurts? I don't understand." He was growing desperate. I could hear it in his voice and feel it as he held me.

"Why does it always feel this way?" I thought out loud. "Isn't love supposed to bring only happiness?"

Like with Sasuke. Sasuke was like a double-sided mirror, and I always stood on the outside looking in. In it, I saw what I wanted. I colored in the things I wished to see and washed out the ones I couldn't handle. For years I fooled myself into thinking that what I had envisioned was real. I was never good enough to see anything deeper than the surface – I couldn't see the man standing _behind_ the glass, the real Sasuke.

But with Shikamaru it was completely different. I saw everything in him: his quirks, his insecurities, his passions, his strengths...even his weaknesses. He never hid from me, not entirely. But still, just like with Sasuke, there was a glass wall between Shikamaru and I, a glass wall I just couldn't break. Everything was there, open, free…and yet still so out of reach.

"Love? What are you—"

The love I felt for Sasuke was just a vision of my own desires, my own foolish hopes. And in the end, by the time I was able to shatter that mirror and push away the glass, it no longer mattered. He wasn't there anymore.

"Why am I always too late? I always wait for something to be out of reach before I try to grab it. What's the matter with me?" I've learned from my mistakes with Sasuke. I have, but try as I might, no matter how far I reached…I only seemed to grasp air.

_Stop it! That was the old you, and that was Sasuke. This is completely different. _He_ is completely different, and you aren't who you used to be either. He's here now, with you. He's always been here. Stop comparing the two and move on already!_

That's right.

Shikamaru _had_ always been there for me. He was there in the beginning, back when we were still fresh out of the academy and taking our first shot at the chuunin exams. I had been fighting off Sound ninja, and he'd stepped in. He didn't have to, but he did anyway. And later, when Sasuke left for the second time, Shikamaru had been the only one to see what I was hiding, who was really there for me in every way I needed. Even if all he'd done was listen, he stood by me and helped me through it. Just like after Hiro died, he never insulted my feelings or tried to sugarcoat the truth. He treated me with respect, like an equal.

He would never intentionally try to hurt me. He would never leave me behind because I was too weak. To compare them would be impossible, because Sasuke, in all his glory, could never hope to compare to Shikamaru. No one could.

I took another deep breath. I needed to get a hold of myself.

As I settled my breathing and pushed back the tears, I realized I was still firmly in Shikamaru's arms, and somehow I had missed him pulling me down to the floor, the two of us kneeling in front of each other. He didn't move as I hesitantly pulled away from him. I looked up to see him watching me like a hawk, waiting. His arms were still outstretched as if anticipating another breakdown. I felt my heart swell.

I love him. I love him so much.

I steadied my resolve. No more running.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, voice cracking as I hastily wiped away my remaining tears. "This wasn't how it was supposed to happen."

"I didn't know," Shikamaru murmured, his hands finally dropping to his side. "I knew you were still hurting. I just…didn't know, that after all this time, he's still been causing you this much pain. I thought…" His hands clenched into fists. He moved from his half-crouch to a cross-legged position, hiding his hands in his lap.

"That's not…that's not fully the case," I tried to explain. "It's not that he still hurts me. It's just…no matter how hard I try to move forward, I'm still being dragged back by him. I'm not the same person who used to love him anymore. I've changed – of course I've changed – but I can still feel her sometimes, just under the surface, just waiting for a moment of weakness to drag me back down. I don't ever want to be her again."

_I don't ever want to be referred to as Sasuke's girl…only yours._

"There was nothing wrong with who you were. There's nothing wrong with you now. You're strong. Always have been."

"No. _They_ were strong. All _I _could ever do was watch from the sidelines and get in the way."

"You hold a different sort of strength. You save people."

"But I couldn't save Sasuke," I argued. God, what was wrong with me? This wasn't what I wanted to talk about. Why did I keep doing this? I needed to get things back on track and away from the mess that was my relationship with Sasuke. I steadied myself further, glad to have finally regained some of my lost control.

"You saved me."

I froze, breath catching in my throat. His gaze shackled me in place.

"Look…if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here," he continued, his conviction growing stronger. "If it wasn't for you, Kankurowouldn't be here, or Gaara, or Ino, or Choji, or Naruto, or the hundreds of other people you save on a day-to-day basis. And that includes Sasuke. You can't sit here and tell me you don't have strength when I know that, without you, many of us wouldn't have our lives. We've all made mistakes. You're not the only one who's failed to save someone. But we can't let those mistakes define us."

"Shikamaru…" I was stunned. Fresh tears welled in my eyes and I smiled warmly at him. "Thank you."

Slowly, deliberately I moved forward, eliminating the space between us until we were just a breath away. Our noses hardly touched, and we were so close, I could taste his breath on my tongue. I waited a moment to see if he would pull away or indicate that he was uncomfortable.

He didn't.

Instead he raised his hand and brushed it along my cheek, cupping my face tenderly. His hand was callused and rough, but warm nonetheless. I leaned into his touch, relishing the feeling. His forehead pressed into mine, bringing us closer together, and my eyes fluttered shut.

"You know," I whispered softly, moving away slightly so I could look him in the eye. "You really need to stop doing this."

He furrowed his brow in confusion and dropped his hand from my face. "Doing what?"

"This," I told him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I watched as his eyes widened. "If you don't stop," I continued breathlessly, leaning closer, "how am I to keep from loving you?"

I didn't give him a chance to respond. Before he could reply, I moved forward and captured his lips with mine. The feeling was indescribable. It was like being lost at sea, only to touch dry land for the first time in years. His mouth was as soft and rough as sand against the shore, and just as warm. My body tingled with desire for more. I wanted to taste him, to run my hands through his hair and pull him close, but I resisted the temptation.

The kiss only lasted a moment, just mere seconds…a gentle brush of contact, in reality. But it was a moment I knew I could never forget. I knew it was unfair of me, to force myself on him like that without giving him a chance, but I couldn't stop myself. If he didn't love me in return, if this was truly the moment I was going to lose him, I wanted to at least have the memory of our kiss. For the first time, I didn't care how much heartache it would cost me; I was willing to pay any price just to know what he felt like.

Or at least, that's what I told myself as I pulled back, searching his face for any sign of what he might be feeling.

"S-Sakura—" he whispered, at loss for words. A first.

"I love you," I told him. I savored the feeling of finally being able to tell him. It was like a weight had been lifted from my heart. "I love you."

"B-but you…this can't…you don't—"

My heart clenched at his words. He didn't love me. I could see it in his face as it drained of all its color. I had lost. Again. Everything inside me shattered. It hurt, it hurt so much more than anything I'd ever felt before. I felt like I was drowning, only there was no water, no air, just empty space slowly drawing me in. I tried to hold it back, to keep from showing him just how much pain this caused me. But I could feel myself slipping. A night filled with drinking had left my body out of my control.

"It's okay if you don't feel the same way," I shakily told him, forcing a smile. I had to keep smiling. I couldn't let him see.

"And Sasuke?" Shikamaru asked, finding his voice. I winced at his tone. His voice was flat. Emotionless. Hard. A thickness started to form in my throat from the effort of holding back. It was painful, but not nearly as painful as my heart crumbling under the weight of his rejection.

"What about Sasuke?" I managed to force out, my smile cracking.

"You can't tell me you don't still love him."

"I don't," I insisted desperately. _Breathe, Sakura, just breathe._

"I can't believe that."

"Why not?" I demanded, pushing him away. Not able to take it anymore, I let go, anger replacing the pain that was pulling me under.

_It's always the same_, I thought bitterly, _everyone telling me who I can and can't love._

I was sick of it.

"Why do I _have_ to love him?" I raised my voice at Shikamaru, "Why won't anyone let me move past that?" Why was it so hard for everyone to accept that I've grown? "First Kakashi, now you. Is it such a bad thing for me to move on? To _wan_t to move on? Okay, yes, I loved Sasuke! But that's changed, _I've_ changed! What I felt for Sasuke is nothing compared to how I feel about you!" My voice was breaking under the strain. It was too much, everything was too much and I just wanted it to end. "If you don't care about me in that way, that's fine. I can accept that," I told him, the tears from before once again streaming down my face. "But don't you dare undermine my feelings by telling me who to love!"

Silence settled on us like a last breath. I waited for him to say something. Anything. But he just stared at me. I felt the fight leave me as my shoulders sagged. I could see it. Everything we'd built was crumbling in front of me.

_I should have never told him,_ I thought bitterly. _This was all a big mistake. _

"Say it again," Shikamaru whispered huskily, splitting the silence between us. I looked up at him in confusion, and was taken aback by the flame burning behind his eyes. "Tell me again. How you feel."

His movements were rough as he grasped my waist and pulled me close, circling me in his arms. My heart started racing. This couldn't be right…he rejected me. Then why was he looking at me like this? Why was he _acting_ like this?

_Say it._

"I love you," I repeated.

He smiled. A trifling tug of the lips and a flash of desire.

"Good."

And then he kissed me.

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Don't forget to review!

See you guys next month

Cheers!


	9. Chapter 9

Due to various suggestions from different readers i have taken down this chapter as it ruins the flow of the story.

future shika POV chapters will now be posted once this story is finished.

continue to the next page for chapter 8.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Naruto is not mine, I am simply barrowing them for a bit of fun.**

**Authors note:**

**And here it is at last! Chapter 8!**

**Again thank you all for your patience as I wrote this chapter and dealt with school, and even more so for your understanding of my leaving for 3 months. I swear this story will be finished once I get back and will not be left behind! **

**Well anyways. Again big thanks to Kwizten my Beta, you are great. Know this, bask in the knowledge of this, my story wouldn't be this great without you there to help me ^.^**

**Well, I hope you all enjoy my newest chapter! **

**DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW ;) **

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_Recap of chapter 7. _

"_Say it again," Shikamaru whispered huskily, splitting the silence between us. I looked up at him in confusion, and was taken aback by the flame burning behind his eyes. "Tell me again. How you feel." _

_His movements were rough as he grasped my waist and pulled me close, circling me in his arms. My heart started racing. This couldn't be right…he rejected me. Then why was he looking at me like this? Why was he acting like this? _

Say it.

"_I love you," I repeated. _

_He smiled. A trifling tug of the lips and a flash of desire. _

"_Good." _

_And then he kissed me. _

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Chapter 8

How could I describe a feeling like this?

What words could possibly describe how I felt?

Fervid. Burning. Consuming. Such phrases were but dim, cold shadows compared to the real thing. What words could possibly capture the heat of a thousand shattering stars all combusting in a single moment? I didn't know. Yet somehow, this kiss did.

Shikamaru kissed me with a desperate demand that encased tenderness with borderline torture. His hands crept away from my hips to hover against my sides, an airbrush lightness evoking shocks of electricity through my every nerve. I moaned, locking my arms around his neck. I wanted more. I needed more. Everything inside me felt weightless yet, at the same time, trapped. My heart hammered against my chest mercilessly, blood boiling with desire.

Air.

Gravity.

All of it was meaningless.

I moved closer, tangling my legs around his waist until there was nothing separating us. It wasn't enough. I felt Shikamaru smirk as his hands drifted downwards, grasping my thighs as he sprung to his feet and took me along with him. I gasped in shock, breaking our lips apart and clutching myself tighter to him as he carried me into the living room.

He dumped me onto my couch, untangling my hold on him with effortless ease. The stiff springs squeaked beneath me, the fabric feeling so rough and so unreal as I pushed myself upwards. My head swam with the motion, my mind still affected by the alcohol I had consumed earlier.

The room was dark, the only source of light coming from the kitchen and casting Shikamaru's form in shadow. The sharp angels of his face seemed even fiercer in the distorted light. I became transfixed by the unyielding gravity of his eyes and was powerless to move as I drowned in the blackness of his gaze. The curves of his lips coiled in a tantalizing grin that whispered promises of dangerous delights. Small strands of hair fluttered along his face, having escaped the tight fixture of his ponytail. His shirt was ruffled – somewhere along the way two buttons had popped open, revealing even more of his muscular chest.

I bit my lip as my body trembled with anticipation. I followed his every movement as his body crept lazily over me, hovering while his hands rested over mine. Slowly, with meticulous determination, he drew them back, forcing me to retreat into the couch as he pushed forward. He lingered above me, taking in my disheveled hair and trembling form. I didn't understand how he could hold himself with such steady strength, while I laid completely unraveled beneath him.

"How can you be so in control?" I whispered unsteadily. Even like this, every movement he made was deliberate, calculating. Meanwhile I laid bare before him, my soul and heart naked to his scrutiny. I wanted to know his core just as thoroughly as he knew mine.

"Control?" Shikamaru laughed in surprise, dropping his forehead to rest on mine. "Do you not see how little control I have right now?" His voice was strained and choked, dancing at the very edges of wild. My eyes fluttered shut on their own accord as his hot breath washed over my face. "You have no _idea_ what's going through my mind."

"Then tell me," I moaned, arching my back as I felt him nip at the skin by my ear. A shudder of pleasure ran down my spine. I wanted to pull him down, to bring him closer, but his hands still held my wrists prisoner, preventing me from doing anything. I thought to use my superior strength to break his hold, but everything was becoming so fuzzy, it was hard to grasp anything as solid. My heart raced unevenly, skin tingling with static electricity, and everything was so out of focus and unreal, like a dream. I didn't want to wake up.

"So troublesome," he sighed, nuzzling into my neck. "Everything you do brings me nothing but trouble…"

"Admit it," I laughed breathlessly, "you'd be bored without me."

"And what if I told you I _liked_ boredom?"

"I'm willing to bet you like me more."

"That is a possibility."

"Kami, you can be an ass," I wheezed, fighting back another moan as I felt his teeth scrape along the curve of my neck, the sensation absolutely delicious. I squirmed under his hold, wanting to be released, but he refused to let up.

"Says the loudest, most demanding woman I have ever met," Shikamaru shot back, eliciting a loud gasp from me with a skillful flick of his tongue.

My head was spinning more and more as he fanned the flames I didn't even know burned inside of me. It was so new to me, every sensation. I didn't know what to do as my body responded in ways I couldn't control. It didn't seem to matter though. He seemed to know enough for the both of us as he played my body with a dexterity that only came from intimate knowledge, as if I had told him all my secrets.

"You constantly distract me with your damn presence," Shikamaru continued with a growl, pulling away from my neck only to resume his torture along my jaw. "It's infuriating."

"So stop."

"Tried," he told me cheekily, stealing a quick kiss. "Too much work."

"S'your own damn fault."

"I disagree."

"Your point?"

Shikamaru laughed, finally letting go of my wrists he dropped down to his elbows. He rested his body directly against mine, though was careful to keep most of his weight off me. He stared deeply into my eyes; a mischievous glow resonated within them, and my body buzzed with nervous delight.

"I require recompense for my troubles."

"And what exactly do you want?" I asked him, pushing the few loose strands of hair behind his ears.

He smiled a predatory smile. My heart fluttered warmly. My touch drifted from his face only to place my hands over his own, an answer to his silent demand. Immediately he twisted his wrists to weave our fingers together. There was no hesitation in my gaze – I would go anywhere with this man if only to remain by his side.

He seemed to have gotten the message as I watched his features soften affectionately. He brought our entwined hands to his lips, delicately brushing a kiss along each knuckle without breaking his gaze from mine.

"I don't share," he warned me huskily. I smirked at him, untwining our fingers as I wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing us nose-to-nose before hitching my legs around his waist and artfully flipping us over. The surprise on his face only lasted a moment before it darkened with desire. I slowly dragged my lips up to his ear, as he had done to me.

"Neither do I," I murmured back, delighting in the feeling of him shiver beneath me.

"Good," Shikamaru breathed, hugging me to his chest possessively.

I relaxed in his embrace, scooting down a bit to fit my head just under his chin. I felt so safe in his arms, comfortable, happy, content. I never wanted this moment to end…but my eyes fluttered shut as I tried, and failed, to stifle my sudden yawn. The excitement of the day was finally catching up to me.

"Tired?" he questioned lightly, stroking my back.

"I'm fine," I mumbled, another yawn threatening to take over.

"Sleep," Shikamaru instructed, kissing the top of my head fondly.

"But—" I tried to protest, moving to get up.

"_Sleep_," he said again, stopping me and chuckling. "I've got you. I've always got you."

He said this with such sweetness, such fondness, that I relented. Instead of fighting him, I allowed myself to settle more fully into his embrace. It didn't take long for sleep to overcome me, as I was lulled into unconsciousness by the steady rhythm of Shikamaru's beating heart.

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I woke to bright light streaming through my bedroom window, wincing at the invasion and diving under my covers. My head ached. A lot. My body felt slow and heavy, every movement taking more effort than it was worth.

_God, what happened last night? _

I tried to think back to hours before. The last thing I remembered was being with Ino. We had been talking and–

I flinched as a huge shock of electricity shook my brain, causing me to curl up into a tight ball.

And we had obviously been drinking, I concluded morosely.

I groaned. _Great. Just great._ This was exactly how I wanted to start my day.

I rolled over and shook off the covers, glancing at my clock: 11:03am.

.

.

.

_OH MY GOD!_

I was out of bed instantly, only to find myself tangled in the covers as I fell to the ground.

Fuck.

I hastily extracted myself from the sheets and stood, but stopped short when I noticed my attire. Instead of my usual black nightgown, I was dressed in a tight, crumpled black dress. What the hell…?

More images of the night before started flashing in my mind and I recalled Ino dragging us to a club. I pushed even harder to remember what happened next. We weren't alone – Shikamaru and Choji were there too. We danced, we drank, and then…and then…

Damn it, why couldn't I remember?

I sighed in frustration, picking up my covers only to viciously toss them back onto the bed. I glanced back at the clock and glared at the numbers staring back. Just great.

I sighed again, about to head to the washroom to clean up, when I noticed a glass of water and pills placed on my nightstand. There was a note there as well, tucked neatly beneath the glass. I picked it up, curious:

_Don't forget. _

I recognized the handwriting immediately. Shikamaru had been here last night? And what did he mean by 'don't forget'? Don't forget what?

I inspected the note further, hoping more clues would surface. Nothing. I shook my head and put it back onto the nightstand, picking up the pills instead and swallowing them.

I must have had too much to drink last night. Shikamaru had most likely taken me home. I trudged into my connecting bathroom tiredly, stripping off my clothes sluggishly while trying to piece together the rest. He probably left that note to make sure I took the aspirin.

I stepped into the shower and turned on the tap, the first spray of water ice cold until I hurriedly adjusted it. The water now warm, I rolled my shoulders back, trying to get all the kinks out of my body as my hangover began to drain away.

_I bet I was a complete idiot around him,_ I thought sadly. Meanwhile, Shikamaru, ever the gentleman, insured nothing happened to me while I was wasted out of my mind. He even made sure I had medicine in the morning.

I reached for my vanilla-scented body wash and began lathering it on my body, my thoughts still wandering back to the missing fragments of last night. Everything felt so hazy, like a dream within a dream, scattered pieces of conversation mixed with blurring movement. Talking, laughing, crying…screaming? I couldn't tell one fragment from another.

I took a deep breath. This was getting me nowhere. It was time to speed up the process. I placed my hands together, twisting them into a frenzy of signs Lady Tsunade had taught me for dispelling hangovers (she was the expert in that, after all). The relief was instant as I felt my body lighten and head clear.

With that clarity came answers. What had first been fragments now conjoined into a perfect picture.

And my blood ran cold.

With the haze gone, I now remembered everything. Every word spoken, every tear shed, every touch given. I felt my legs gave out beneath me. I had to lean against the cold tiles for support, the water no longer hot against my skin.

I had kissed him.

A smile crept along my face as I covered my mouth, hand shaking. In a fit of drunken confidence, I had not only confessed everything to Shikamaru, but I had kissed him.

And he had kissed me back.

It felt silly…_I_ felt silly. To think that all this time I'd worried and panicked over what would happen if I ever confessed – I spent _hours_ agonizingover the worst possible outcome – but in a single second, it had all become absolutely meaningless.

I couldn't help it. I laughed. I laughed at the sheer ludicrousness of what I had done, as well as the fact that, after this, there would be no living with Ino. But for the life of me, I couldn't even care less. Because finally, _finally_ I didn't need to hold back anymore. I didn't need to hide my feelings because they were no longer just mine to hold.

He loved me.

_Me._

I shut off the water. I needed to see him, to make sure this wasn't just some crazy fantasy my mind had cooked up. Quicker than I'd ever moved before, I ran to my room, towel wrapped loosely around my body until I yanked my new uniform off the hanger in my closet. It was a struggle to pull on, as my skin was still slightly damp, but I didn't care. I dressed and dried my hair, smiling as the pink locks gleamed with feather lightness.

I paused at my reflection. I looked different. Green eyes too bright to be mine stared back at a flushed complexion dusted in hues of pink. Nothing had really changed, physically speaking, but the woman in the mirror looked far too happy to be me. Unlike every other day, there were no more bags of stress underlining my eyes, the bags I would pretend not to notice. My face wasn't tight or haggard with the stress of long hours and high pressure. My shoulders were square and straight, not hunched over heavily, and an aura of confidence embraced me like an old friend kept away for far too long.

I thought I had been happy before. I foolishly believed that the happiness I received from just being with him was enough. So I kept pretending and going about life as if everything was perfect, when inside it wasn't. I didn't know just how much it weighed on me until I saw myself at that very moment. It wasn't just happiness that I felt. As cheesy as it sounded, I felt complete. It was a new feeling for me. I'd always felt there was something missing.

When I was a kid, I was bullied for my looks and never really had any friends until Ino, who I lost after falling for Sasuke. Due to petty rivalry, I lost my best friend. I'd always felt ashamed of myself when I looked back on my behavior then. I shut Ino out and walked away from the person that gave me an identity beyond my freakishly large forehead…and all for the sake of a boy. God, was that stupid. It took us years to make up, but by then Sasuke had left, creating a new hole in my heart, or rather, within our team. I wasn't the only one that felt Sasuke's loss – Naruto felt it as well. Still does. It was strange to no longer feel that way. It took a while, but I realized I no longer needed Sasuke in my life to be happy. For the first time in a long time, Ino and I were close, my job was going amazingly well, and my friends were happy.

_I_ was happy.

And Shikamaru...Shikamaru had been the main reason for all of it. He was the one who pushed Ino and I back together from the sidelines. He was the one who stood by me when my job left me in pieces. And most importantly, it was Shikamaru who helped me let go – not just of Sasuke, but of every bad feeling that held me back. I never asked him to, but over time, Shikamaru filled all the gaps within me and casually sewed back every fallen fragment. I was whole again, not just because time had matured me, but because Shikamaru refused to let me stew in the darkness, had forced me to move forward. He brought me back to a point where I didn't just exist, but _lived_.

It was easy to say that he was the most important person in my life. But it was another thing entirely to realize how different I would be without him.

I turned away from the mirror with a shake of my head. I was done just thinking about him. It was about time I tracked him down myself.

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It was almost laughable, how easy it was to find him. I could always flatter myself by saying I just knew him well enough to figure it out, but that would be a lie. Yes, I knew Shikamaru better than most, but it didn't take a genius to know where he would be.

I found him in a meadow.

He was lying on the grass, staring up into the sky with a content look on his face. I faltered in my greeting, not really wanting to disturb him but still hoping to talk about last night. He made the decision for me.

"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to join me?"

I shook my head, startled. It wasn't surprising that he realized someone was behind him, but it _was _surprising that he knew it was me. Then again, I reflected happily, it's not like I was any different when it came to him. In its own way, it pleased me to know that Shikamaru seemed just as aware of me as I was of him.

I moved to take a step towards him but faltered. Now that I was here, I didn't know what to do next. What would I say? So many things happened last night; it was hard to know where to start.

When I didn't respond, Shikamaru turned his head to look at me, a question in his gaze. I bit my lip and quickly looked away. I had been so emotional last night and said such embarrassing things.

_Maybe I should apologize. _

But it wasn't like I said anything bad, exactly. And he did kiss me. And…

I stopped dead in my tracks, realizing something.

He never confessed back.

_No, don't be stupid_, I berated myself, not wanting to let my sudden doubt fool me. I knew Shikamaru. Just because he didn't _say_ he loved me outright, it didn't mean he didn't _feel_ it.

"Sakura? Is something wrong?" I blinked in surprise at his voice, now right in front of me. I hadn't even noticed him getting up. He looked concerned, skeptical even.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted, clasping my hands in front of my face and half-bowing.

Why was I even apologizing? God, this was awkward. Why couldn't I just greet him with a smile like a normal person?

_Because you're not normal,_ I sighed to myself bitterly.

"I'm sorry," I told him again, sheepishly twining my fingers together. "I'm fine. Really."

"Hmm…" He didn't look convinced. I gave him my best, winning smile, hoping that would mollify him. It only intensified his suspicion.

"Just because no one else can see through that smile, it doesn't mean I can't."

I blanched, momentarily taken aback by his frankness. "I don't know what you're talking about," I told him, still smiling.

"Yes, you do."

"No I really—"

"Why are you fidgeting with your hands?"

What? I pulled my hands apart without thinking, not even realizing I had still been toying with them. I glared at his scrutinizing smirk. He stepped in closer and snatched up one of my hands in his. He looked me in the eyes before glancing down at my palm, using his other hand to spread my fingers out flat. My heart jumped at the contact.

"Just something I've noticed," he continued, his voice taking on a combination of amusement and exhaustion. "The state of your mind is usually reflected in your hands."

"How so?" I asked, trying very, very hard not to react as he lazily dragged the tips of his fingers up and down each of mine.

"When you're calm, your hands are steady," he told me. "But today, they're twitching like crazy. You're worried about something." I flushed with embarrassment and yanked my hand back. He chuckled softly and slowly placed his hands in his pockets before flashing his gaze back to me. I shifted my eyes away. Bastard. "Diverting your gaze. That's another thing you do when you're hiding something."

"What does this have to do with me smiling?" I huffed. Damn it, why did he always have to be so perceptive?

"You closed your eyes."

"What?"

"When you smiled," he said matter-of-factly, "you closed your eyes. When you smile and mean it, you always look the person directly in the eye. You only close them when you don't want the person to notice what you're actually feeling." I felt my mouth fall open in surprise. I never even realized this part of me before. He watched me closely, his smirk slipping into a dissatisfied tilt. "You've been doing that quite a bit with me lately."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Just tell me what you're actually feeling instead of playing it off as nothing. It's such a drag trying to decipher what goes on in that head of yours."

What I was actually feeling? I sighed internally. It wasn't even _my_ feelings I wanted to discuss. I just wasn't sure how to ask about _his_.

"I thought guys hate talking about feelings," I joked instead.

"Stop stalling."

"Have I ever told you how much of an ass you are?" I nudged him playfully, plopping down on the ground and falling onto my back. Shikamaru wasn't far to follow, sitting down cross-legged beside me.

"You're fidgeting again."

"Shut up," I bit back, releasing the grass I had been thoughtlessly pulling. It was a struggle to force my hands to be still.

"Sakura—"

"I don't want to talk about my feelings..." I groaned, giving in. "I want to know about _yours_."

He blinked. "Mine?"

"Last night, you never did give me a clear answer."

"You never asked a question."

I narrowed my eyes. "Consider yourself asked."

"Asked what?"

"God damn it, Shikamaru!" I argued, losing my patience. "This isn't a game!"

There was a long pause as he stared back at me, but I couldn't decipher his poker face.

"Before I answer your question," he replied carefully, breaking the silence, "there are a few of mine I'd like answered first."

"That doesn't sound very fair."

"Humor me."

"Compromise. We take turns."

"Fair enough," he agreed. "First question then: exactly how much of last night did you really mean?"

I blinked in confusion, not understanding. "Why are you asking me this? Why would I say all that if I didn't mean it?"

"You were drunk."

"I meant what I said," I told him firmly. "Drunk or not, my feelings haven't changed." He regarded me evenly before letting out a long breath. My body relaxed in conjunction with his. Was he…relieved? He looked as if a giant weight had been lifted from his mind. "You were worried I'd wake up regretting everything." It wasn't a question. The answer was written on his face.

"The thought had crossed my mind," he told me honestly.

"What would you have done if I had?" I asked curiously.

He raised his eyebrows. "Is that your question?"

"Yes."

"I would have done anything to repair the damage."

"Would your feelings have changed about me?"

"That's two questions."

"Please?"

He sighed, finally stretching out onto the grass beside me. "No."

I smiled and rolled over to face him. He caught my movements from the corner of his eyes and smiled back, folding his arms behind his head. I blushed as I remembered how good it felt to be held by those arms. He was a lot stronger than he looked. His arms held a subtle strength within them, his hold gentle but firm. It made me feel safe.

"What are you thinking about?"

My eyes widened as I quickly snapped out of my thoughts, rolling back over to hide my face. I was _not_ going to answer that.

"Skip."

"You can't skip."

"Says who?"

"Me."

"Objection."

"Overruled."

"Asshole."

"_Sakura_."

"Do I have to?"

"_Yes_."

I curled my arms across my face, wishing a hole would open in the ground so I could bury myself in it. "Fine, fine," I groaned. "I was just remembering last night, that's all."

"Which part?"

"That's another question," I argued.

"You got two."

"That's–"

"Which part?" he asked again, amused.

"Next question."

Please oh _please_, just drop it! I heard him chuckle darkly before I felt a shift in the air. My heart started to pound when his hands wrapped around my wrists, his lips resting lightly above my ear.

"If you'd like, I could always guess," he whispered playfully. Knots started to form in my stomach. Slowly, he began to pull my arms away from my face and above my head, much like he had done last night. My blush deepened even further. What was he doing?

"If I really wanted to, I could flatten you," I threatened him weakly. Of course, that was if I could stop my muscles from turning into jelly.

"But you don't _really_ want to, do you?" His voice was so low, it vibrated against me. It was becoming harder to breathe as my heart continued to beat faster in my chest. My eyes rolled back against my will as he barely grazed his teeth along the outer shell of my ear. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Why was he so good at this? I had to bite back a gasp. This wasn't fair!

"You're playing dirty."

"More fun this way," he reasoned, continuing to wreak havoc on my senses.

"_Shikamaru_."

"Which part?"

God, I hated him. I tried to fight back my reaction to him as he slowly began to drop kisses down the curve of my neck. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but worry that someone would happen to come across us. We were in a secluded area, I knew, but it wasn't like we were the only ones that knew of this place either. This needed to stop before it got too far. I still had answers of my own I needed hearing.

"Alright, just stop!" Immediately he pulled back, stopping inches away with a smug look plastered on his face. It was embarrassing how weak I was when it came to refusing him.

"I was remembering what it felt like," I huffed, still trying to catch my breath.

"What _what_ felt like?"

I sighed, giving in. "When you held me…and stuff…"

"And?"

I scrunched my eyes shut, not able to look at him. "AndIwashopingyou'ddoitagain."

Yup. Completely weak.

Shikamaru released my wrists. I opened my eyes, wondering what he was going to do next. I was surprised when he pulled back further, only to extend his hand out to me. Cautiously, I reached forward and grasped his hand. He smiled and pulled me towards him, moving back to lie on the ground. My head fell against his chest, his right arm winding around my waist while his left rested under his head.

"Like this?" he asked me softly. My hands clenched around his shirt. I nodded wordlessly. He was so warm. He wasn't wearing his vest today, and I could feel more of him. I was also stunned to note that his heart, while usually steady, was beating just as quickly as mine. "You don't need to hide these kinds of feelings from me."

I didn't know how to respond to that. Because the thing was, _I did_. Even now, even after all that was said last night, I was still unsure. I didn't know the extent of Shikamaru's feelings. Sure, I could assume, but it wasn't the same. I didn't know what he wanted from this. What's more, I had no idea how to go about asking him.

"Can I ask you something now?" I inquired hesitantly.

"Of course."

I took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"Last night, I really opened up to you. I…I told you I loved you, and I do, I really do. But…I mean, you never really told me how _you_ felt."

I spent so much time hoping for something with Sasuke that I wasted so much of my life. I didn't want to do that again. I needed to know where we stood. I couldn't afford to leave it to guesswork anymore.

"I need to know what this is," I continued, my insecurities blossoming in my voice. Shikamaru slowly removed his arm from my waist, instead tilting my chin up and forcing me to look at him head-on.

"I can't answer that."

"Why not?" I demanded, hurt by his blatant refusal.

"Because that's not something I can decide on my own," he explained. "That's something we need to figure out together."

"Together?"

"That's usually how relationships work."

"And are we…in a relationship?" I asked hesitantly.

He pulled me closer. "If that's what you want."

I shook my head. That wasn't what I wanted to hear. "But is that what _you _want?" I clarified, annoyed. He regarded me evenly.

"Before I answer that, I have one final question of my own."

"Don't you dare change the subject!"

"I'm not," he disagreed. "I'll answer your question. But before I can do that, I really need to hear this."

"Hear what?" I asked tersely.

"Where does Sasuke fit into _this_?"

My eyes widened and I immediately pushed myself off him. "I told you already," I replied dully, "I don't love him anymore."

"That's not what I'm asking and you know it," he shot back, following my movements and sitting up beside me.

"He doesn't mean anything to me."

"So if he came back, you're telling me you'd feel nothing?"

If he came back?

"What does this have to do with us?" I asked, this line of questioning not making sense. "Sasuke isn't coming back so what does it matter?"

Shikamaru just shook his head. "It matters. Have you ever even thought about what you'd do if he returned? What _he_'_d_ do?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"You made a promise to him, didn't you? What if he comes back expecting to cash in?"

"Cash in? You can't be serious! Sasuke would never—"

"And if he did?"

I stopped. I wanted to be angry with Shikamaru and tell him he was being stupid, but I couldn't. I knew where he was coming from. It wasn't a secret how I was never able to stand my ground against Sasuke.

Shikamaru must have been worried. Worried that the moment Sasuke came back, I'd be whisked away. It was true that I promised Sasuke I'd wait for him, but now I felt no obligation to keep that promise. But would that change? It was easy for me to say from a distance that I'd be able to walk away from him. Distance, however, wasn't the same as being face-to-face. It wasn't a duty of the heart that was the issue here.

If Sasuke did come back, and if he did expect me to still be waiting, it didn't matter ifI _could_ walk away, but rather, if he would _let _me.

I looked at Shikamaru as he patiently waited for me to answer. "I don't know," I told him honestly. "And I won't know until the time comes – _if_ it comes. But…"

"But?"

"What I do know is this: what I feel for you, that's never going to change. I can't tell you everything is going to be all right, because life just doesn't work that way. But with you, I just feel like it doesn't matter. Whether things are at their worst or their best, when I'm with you, how could I be anything but happy?"

It wasn't much, but it was the most I could offer him. While I was confident I would never see the likes of Sasuke again, I knew that if he ever _did_ show up, Shikamaru and I could get through it together, as long as he was beside me.

"Does that answer your question?" I mumbled after a moment of silence.

He regarded me evenly. For a moment, I began to worry that maybe what I said wouldn't be enough, but my fears were soon put to rest when he answered me with a kiss.

It was soft, gentle, and over far too quickly. When he pulled back, he didn't move away, choosing instead to keep our noses touching.

"You're never one to hold back, are you?" he chuckled softly, a warmth settling in his eyes, making my insides melt.

"I think I'm done holding back around you from now on."

"Right back at you," he whispered, leaning in for another kiss.

This one was just as gentle and just as brief. I could feel myself getting swept away by him. He was like a current, his every word and action a wave that slowly pulled me out to sea. I moved forward for another kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck to keep him from pulling away. He got the message, and I relished in the feeling of his lips lightly dancing with mine. It was a very different experience than last night's. There wasn't that rush for control, no wild force, just the soft, feathering caresses as our breaths mingled together, desire lingering on the edges of each greeting. Eventually though, we pulled apart, but not away. Shikamaru looked at me with such a tender expression, it was as if I was the most precious thing he had.

"I love you."

My eyes widened. Did he just…?

My heart pounded in my ears, eyes watering as I heard the three words I so desperately longed to hear. I couldn't take it. I was so happy I buried my face in his chest and like a child, I started to cry. He didn't laugh at me, just pulled me closer and stroked my hair.

"You asked what this was," Shikamaru whispered gently into my ear. "You asked how I felt. I couldn't answer until I was sure we were on the same page. I needed to know this wasn't just a temporary thing for you, because Sakura…I _am_ serious about you,and I have no intention of losing you to anyone."

It was all too much. Every word he spoke chipped away at the cast I had so carefully knit around my heart, until it finally burst into pieces. I wanted so much to say something but couldn't find the words. All I could do was listen as he continued his confession.

"You mean everything to me. Everything. And if you're willing, I would like us to try to be something more. I know I can make you happy…if you'll let me?" He sounded so insecure at the end that I had to laugh aloud. He couldn't possibly think I'd turn him away!

"Are you an idiot?" I chuckled, pulling back to grin at him. "Weren't you listening? Shikamaru, you already make me happier than I could have even imagined."

"In that case," he continued with a shy grin, "will you allow me to continue?"

I shook my head in disbelief and grinned. He was such an idiot. Then again, so was I for falling in love with him.

"For as long as you want," I laughed happily.

"I'll hold you to that."

"Nuisance."

"Troublesome."

"Must you always have the last word?" I snorted, finally moving away from him as he shadowed my movements.

"Yes."

He was exasperating too, but I already knew that. I took a deep breath, finally able to relax. I could feel my emotions starting to settle back into normalcy as I wiped away the final traces of my tears. "So…where do we go from here?"

He shrugged, walking forward and taking my hand in his. We began to walk up the hill, and I glanced up at the sun absentmindedly. It was already pretty high in the sky, and hot too. I briefly wondered how long we had been there, but shrugged it off easily, my mind still wrapped around the man beside me.

"Kakashi, probably."

"Kakashi?"

Shikamaru gave me a teasing look. "Did you forget? We were supposed to start experimenting today."

Experimenting…?

My eyes widened.

…_No. NO! I wouldn't have…I couldn't have…! _

I quickly glanced at my watch, groaning in frustration. 2:17pm. We were supposed to meet Kakashi at 1. This was bad…I had been so wrapped up with Shikamaru, I had completely forgotten about Kakashi! And we were so _late_.

"…You forgot, didn't you?"

"Shut up!" I hissed back, dropping his hand. I could already picture the looks my old sensei would give me, the snide comments… There was no way he was going to let this slide.. I was I started to race ahead at top speed, the wind blowing my hair back as it threaded around me. I heard rather than saw Shikamaru starting to chase after me, eventually slowing to match his pace with mine.

"Calm down, I doubt he'll even notice anyway."

"Not likely," I shot back anxiously. "Kakashi has this uncanny ability to show up on time _only_ when the other person is running late. It's like a sixth sense."

It didn't help my nerves either, knowing that I'd had quite the conversation with him not long ago. After all that, I knew there was no way he _wouldn't_ notice the difference between Shikamaru and I. I couldn't tell Shikamaru my fears, however – he didn't need to know about Kakashi's lack of enthusiasm concerning my love life, anyway.

With a shaky grimace and a shiver at what was to come, I picked up my pace with desperate fervor. But despite my trepidation, my anxiety and my nervousness about meeting with Kakashi, I knew nothing could shake this overwhelming feeling of happiness.

And with a newfound glimmer in my eyes, Shikamaru and I raced headlong into the village…together.

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**And there it is! I really hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a review and tell me what you think as nothing makes me happier then hearing your thoughts! **

**And so with this I'm off on my trip and will see you all again with a new chapter in December. Hopefully ya'll will stick with me till then :P **

**Cheers! **


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters, the plot however, is mine.

Authors note: …I'm late..I know, but hey better late than never right?...right?

… yahhh

Super thanks to all my readers that are still with me, I really appreciate your patience s I wrote this chapter, as well as a super big thanks to my beta.

Lol well thanks for all of your guy's patience. I really hope you all enjoy this new chapter and anxiously await your responses

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Chapter 9

A thousand and one excuses ran through my mind as Shikamaru and I raced towards the meeting point in the training valley, having already picked up the necessary supplies for our rendezvous with Kakashi. However, I knew I couldn't explain away the flush of our cheeks, the swollen lips crafted from our earlier advances, the gleam of triumph battling for dominance in Shikamaru's eyes.

Or mine, for that matter.

But it was too soon. We'd only just started what I hoped would become something important, and I feared it would be destroyed by outside opinions before we had a fair shot. It was best to keep it on the down low for now, which meant keeping Kakashi's already-keen suspicions at bay. He already knew of my feelings for Shikamaru, but that didn't mean he was entitled to knowing I had acted on them, or that Shikamaru had responded back with equal fervor…at least, not yet.

"You're worried," Shikamaru's voice penetrated my thoughts, his question more of an acute observation than anything else.

"Should I not be?"

"Should you? The closer we get to Kakashi, the more you look like you've committed a crime."

His words struck home more than he probably realized. Hadn't I done exactly that? At least in the eyes of Kakashi – maybe even in Naruto's – I've probably committed the worst crime possible.

"You don't want him to know."

Another non-question, but why did this one sounds like an accusation? I stopped in my tracks, Shikamaru passing me by a few paces only to turn around, arms crossed.

"It's complicated."

"Wrong answer, try again."

"_Excuse _me?"

"Are you ashamed of this?" Shikamaru responded bluntly.

"Of course not!" I cried, shocked he would think that.

"Then why?"

"I just…" I couldn't look at him. Not when my excuses sounded childish even to my own ears. I didn't want Kakashi to know, not because I was ashamed of what we had done, but because I was scared he and Naruto would interfere. Their hearts would be in the right place, I had no doubt, but I still didn't want them butting into this.

"You think he'd try to stop this? Us?" The shock must have been clear on my face, because he immediately relaxed at the sight of it.

"He would mean well," I tried to explain. I didn't want Shikamaru to think badly of him, after all. But as it turned out, I needn't have bothered.

"He loves you," he smiled. "In a way, you're not just an old pupil. You're family."

"It's stupid, isn't it? The things love makes you do." I laughed, relieved he understood. It was short-lived though, my chuckle fading at the intense look of warmth staring back at me. I cleared my throat, certain the flush was reddening further across my nose, and hid a smile behind my hands. "So…for now, can we just keep this between us?"

"For now," he agreed, taking my hand in his and placing a swift kiss on my cheek. "But not for long."

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As it turned out, my worries were unfounded. Sure enough, as Shikamaru and I cleared the tree line and stumbled into the clearing, Kakashi was nowhere in sight. At first I thought he had probably just went home, considering how late we were, but I immediately disregarded that thought. If Kakashi had beaten us here, he would have stuck around simply to gloat, considering the countless number of lectures I'd given him on his warped sense of punctuality. That said, I wouldn't put it past him to hide out and ambush us, just for kicks.

Anxiously, and to Shikamaru's great amusement, I inspected the area like a hawk, leaping from treetop to treetop and scrutinizing the branches for any trace of that infuriating sensei of mine. I rustled through bushes, eyes darting around for broken twigs, ripped leaves, scuffed dirt.

Nothing.

"Sakura, why are you listening to the ground?"

I turned around to glare at my not-so-helpful partner, not the least bit surprised to see he had already made himself at home in the shade of a nearby tree. With the research equipment settled beside him, he stretched out on the ground, arms neatly folded behind his head as if he hadn't a care in the world. Asshole.

"You know," I scolded, bending back down to place my ear back against the dirt, "you could make yourself useful and help me out." Pouting, I listened for any sign that Kakashi had burrowed himself under the ground, a trick he'd used before.

"But the view is so much nicer from back here."

View? What—

Blood curling, I stopped in my tracks and considered my stance with horror, righting myself into a sitting position so quickly I almost lost my balance.

"Shikamaru…?" I sing-songed, my sickeningly sweet tone dripping with honey.

"Yes?"

"Please tell me you weren't staring at my ass." There was a pause.

"'Staring' is such a crude choice of words," he said, ripe with mischief. "I'd much prefer the term '_admiring_.'"

"Fuck you!" I whirled around at him, face flushed red, half with pleasure and the other from embarrassment.

"Is that an offer?" His smile became almost sinful, freezing me in place.

"N-n-no!" I managed to sputter, feeling hot and cold at the same time. I knew he wasn't being serious. I_ knew_ he was just messing with me. But goddammit, why did he have to be so good at it? What made matters worse, the bastard in question took nothing but pleasure from my fractured composure, basking in my discomfort as a snake might revel in the warmth of the sun on the first day of spring.

"I hate you."

"Sure you do."

"Whatever, are you going to help or not?" He replied simply by snuggling further into the base of the tree, crossing his legs. The bastard. "Fine, I hope a bird shits on your head."

He snorted, not even bothering with a response. I huffed and turned back to my searching, refusing to leave any stone unturned and ignoring Shikamaru's less-than-helpful advice that I might want to interrogate the surrounding insects in case they might have seen something.

I gave him the finger.

Finally, as a last ditch effort to see if Kakashi had even passed by whatsoever, I scrutinized the surrounding chakra flows in search of his signature.

Nothing.

Just the two of us.

After all that, and Kakashi was a goddamn no-show.

"THAT LAZY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, POOR EXCUSE OF A PERVERTED SENSEI! I'M GOING TO MURDER THAT BASTARD!" My scream of outrage bounced off the trees distortedly, the sheer volume of it causing a nearby flock of birds to caw in fear and scatter. My relief at arriving first was immediately dwarfed by my outrage.

Two hours.

That bastard was _two fucking hours_ late.

The man beside me didn't seem to share my sentiments, instead choosing to scoff at my passionate display. Already I could feel the chakra building up in my fists, the tension in my tiny body pulling back like an elastic cord ready to snap.

"This isn't funny!" I yelled.

"I disagree."

"Yeah, well, I disagree with _you."_

"That's nice."

"I am _so_ going to kill you." I knew what he was doing. I _knew_ what game he was playing, yet I still fell for it, allowing him to warp my frustrations into a nicely-crafted bullet tucked neatly into the barrel of a gun.

"You can try," he smirked, eyes daring me to react. And with that, he pulled the metaphorical trigger.

I was quick to act. I even infused chakra into my feet to give myself a boost, but Shikamaru knew what to expect. The moment my brain sent a signal to my legs was the moment he prepared to roll. Instead of my fist connecting with his head like I intended, it instead blasted through the tree he was so casually sitting beneath just milliseconds ago, shattering the trunk into splinters with a resounding CRACK. I spun around immediately, ignoring the throbbing in my right hand. He was already on his feet, that same look still plastered across his smug face. I charged once more and watched as his counterattack swung into action.

Even as my foot made its first step, I knew. I saw the tightened muscles, the shift of balance as he prepared to fight. I read his movements and knew exactly how to use his actions to my advantage. I smiled internally, feinting a swing.

I watched him sidestep my punch, slide ever-so-slightly to the side, and grab my extended arm with both hands, his intention clearly to use my momentum against me by propelling me to the ground. But instead of landing me on my back like he had hoped, I twisted my torso and used all the power in my legs to force my body into a front flip. My legs spun to land a knockout blow to Shikamaru's head, but sadly missed their mark by mere inches. I landed silently, knees bent, and pivoted, waiting for his next attack.

"You've gotten faster."

"Not fast enough, apparently," I grumbled half-heartedly, relaxing my defense to match his laid-back slouch. "Although you don't have to look so smug about it."

"Smug? Me? Wouldn't dream of it."

"Don't make me hurt you."

"You'd have to touch me first."

"Are you implying I can't?"

His growing smile was answer enough. He was challenging me, and my blood rose to it. It had been so long since we last had a sparring match, even longer since he initiated it himself. Sure, I playfully took a swing at him first, but he knew exactly what his taunting would do to my temper. There was no denying he had planned for this. That said, there was only one way to respond to such a challenge.

"Boundaries?" I asked, grabbing a band from my pocket to tie my hair back. After all, I couldn't allow the slightest hindrance in a battle with him, not if I wanted to win.

"Taijutsu only – no weapons. First person to land a solid hit wins."

"And the spoils?"

"If I win," he winked, "you get to cook dinner for me at my place tonight."

"And if _I_ win, I'm guessing you'll be the one cooking for _me_?"

"I won't be the one losing."

"And I can't wait to see you in a frilly pink apron."

"Attire is _not_ part of the deal."

"It is now. Ready?" I cracked my knuckles and leaned forward in anticipation.

"You're seriously going to leave that condition in?" he asked in disbelief.

"Set…" I called, ignoring his exasperated sigh as he sluggishly unzipped his vest and dropped it to the ground.

"You're going to regret making that rule," he warned me, already in position to spring into action. I chose to disregard his words of wisdom. There was no way I was going to lose this battle, not when it was strictly hand-to-hand combat.

"GO!"

We both shot forward, twisting around one another like a dance of serpents. For every punch there was a block to divert it, and every kick was met with air. My strength was greater than his, that we both knew, but strength meant little if I couldn't land a blow. He was fast on his feet, faster than I remembered, and even quicker in his head. What was worse, while I may have had superior hand-to-hand skills, he had the advantage of knowing my techniques better than I knew his. He could predict my next attack in no time at all.

"Shit," I hissed under my breath, barely dropping in time to slide under a surprise roundhouse kick that would have surely sent me flying. I felt the side of his foot connect with the very tips of my bangs, which was far too close for comfort. I fell back and built some distance between us, my breath becoming a tad more labored from the adrenaline. He had gotten better since the last time we sparred.

_A _lot_ better_, I thought with a groan. This wouldn't be like last time, back when I could out-maneuver him with speed alone. I needed an opening.

"You know," he shouted, advancing on me so I'd be forced to act in the defensive, "that idea about the apron, I have to say it's growing on me…I like the idea of you wearing one."

"Oh?" I asked, jumping further back while watching him like a hawk.

"Although," he continued smugly, "when I win, that will be _all_ you're allowed to wear."

"WHAT?"

My shock was so overwhelming that it broke my focus, and just like Shikamaru intended, I faltered. Like an eagle, he swooped at the first sign of weakness in his prey. I dove at the last second, narrowly avoiding his fists.

"You'll pay for that one, Nara!" I spat, wiping the dust from my eyes and pretending like his words didn't affect me.

"Add it to my tab."

"Cocky bastard."

Another kick, this one delivered by me. He nimbly sidestepped that one too.

Left elbow uppercut to the jaw: deflected.

Roundhouse knee to the side: sidestepped.

Stomach, neck, knees, face, no matter where I aimed or what move I used, he skirted them all and fought back just as hard. I was forced to twist and jump out of reach, my chest heaving more heavily with the exertion of our battle. I smiled. As frustrating as this was turning out to be, I was having fun. Judging from the fire burning in Shikamaru's eyes, so was he.

"I see the two of you have kept yourselves busy in my absence."

"Kakash—"

_Whoosh! _

It was stupid of me, really, a complete rookie's move on my part. I had been so focused on the battle with Shikamaru, I lost track of my outside surroundings. When my sensei spoke, I instinctively turned my head toward him, breaking my attention away from Shikamaru and giving him the perfect opportunity to go in for the kill.

And go in he did.

The second my attention shifted, his leg struck the back of my knees, causing them to buckle and land me flat on my back. And that was it.

I had lost.

Shikamaru had won.

And I was screwed.

I let out an exasperated, nervous chuckle. Leave it to Kakashi to show up exactly when I didn't want him to. Figures.

Shikamaru also seemed to be amused by my old sensei's timing, shaking his head in silent wonder before extending his hand down to help me up. I took it good-naturedly, though of course I didn't need the help, but I wasn't going to be a sore sport and snub his offer. He pulled me to my feet with an effortless tug, then silently trekked towards the forgotten equipment sitting by what was left of the tree – oops.

I sheepishly turned away and raised a brow at Kakashi instead. "You're late."

"Yeah, sorry about that," he apologized, ruefully rubbing the back of his head. "I had a meeting with the Hokage and it took longer than expected."

"Did something happen?" I asked, curious as to why it could have taken so long to discuss.

"You could say that…but no point discussing it now. You'll find out soon enough."

Behind him, I noticed Shikamaru freeze unexpectedly. I sighed and shook my head, slightly put out but not fussing over it. It was obvious he wasn't going to tell me, so I figured I'd drop it for now and get some work done. That was why we were all here, after all, tardiness and distractions aside.

"Fine, whatever, keep your secrets. Are you at least ready to get started _finally_?"

"Of course."

"Good, then get moving."

I pointed him towards Shikamaru, only to take a step back as I realized what a mess everything was. My charts, tools, and writing utensils were everywhere, scattered and mixed amongst the debris of the tree I had shattered in my duel with Shikamaru.

_Great, just great_, I thought, letting out a long sigh before slowly trekking towards everything to reorganize it as best I could. All the while, I did my best to ignore my darling old sensei chuckling to himself in the background. The bastard.

Once everything was settled and sorted, I picked up a few pre-drawn charts I'd prepared earlier, motioning for them both to sit down.

"Right," I sighed, rolling my shoulders in preparation and shifting into medic mode, "so before I begin, I'm going to give you a brief run down of what's going to happen. If you have any questions about the procedure or what's expected of you, please wait until the end. Cool?" Judging by their lack of response, I assumed they agreed, and continued on.

"Today I'm testing how an active Sharingan changes basic brain chemistry, as well as what regions of the brain are used during different stages. To do that, I'm going to be studying your neuron patterns while the Sharingan is activated, and we'll be performing different tasks throughout the process. Kakashi, your job will be to perform different _minor_ techniques on Shikamaru, as directed by me. Shikamaru, you'll act as the blank. Once I'm done analyzing Kakashi's patterns, I'm going to repeat the experiment with you." I took a deep breath, letting my words sink in for a second. "Alright, any questions?"

Silence.

"Perfect," I chirped, moving to stand behind Kakashi while Shikamaru settled in front. "Oh and one more thing: if either of you experience anything that makes you want to abort the experiment _in any way_ during these trials, voice it immediately. Is that clear?"

"By the sound of it, I'd swear we were being prepped for genetic mutation, rather than a simple brain scan," Kakashi half-joked.

"If all goes according to plan," I interjected smoothly, "_that_ step will be next." I wasn't ashamed to admit my satisfaction when Kakashi's smirk was wiped off of his face in horror.

"Anything else? No? Good, then we can start off with something small. At my command, Shikamaru, I want you to mouth various things to Kakashi while his Sharingan is activated."

"Understood."

Just like I had with the chakra mapping exercises from a few weeks prior, I took long, even breaths as a way to balance myself, casting all recent events from my mind – the teasing, the spar, everything – until my mind blanked. I couldn't afford to get distracted while working. Having completed that, and with a final deep breath, I slid my hands into Kakashi's hair like last time. I let my forehead rest gently on the back of his skull, closing my eyes to help me focus. It took a few seconds for my chakra to intertwine with Kakashi's, as expected, but once they fused I was given a clear picture of everything inside.

"Ready, Kakashi?"

"Yup, go ahead."

"Alright, let's begin."

The affect was immediate. The second he pulled his headband away to reveal his Sharingan, the chakra in his brain receptors jumped to double capacity. It was astounding, the sheer amount of it being drained into Kakashi's eye. With all this extra power flowing around, you'd think that reading his pathways would become easier.

Wrong.

His chakra flowed with such vivacious strength that it took extra effort on my part to stay in tune with the rhythm of his mind. Everything was moving faster, and it was a struggle to keep my own energy wavelength from being absorbed by his. It was in situations like these that I was truly thankful for my chakra control training with Lady Tsunade – I would have easily been lost without it.

"Okay," the amount of effort it took to speak was not something I had expected either, but I forced the words out one by one, keeping them short so as to conserve energy. "Shikamaru: start."

I gasped when he began mouthing off words, feeling the changes in Kakashi immediately and barely managing to keep myself connected as the streams intensified. It was daunting to witness so much activity at once, all of it blurring together in a single motion. I dug my chakra into Kakashi's like claws, refusing to be left behind as I allowed my own mind to follow the dizzying flow of information.

Just by the simple action of reading lips, different areas of his brain lit up like a Christmas tree. The Sharingan's chakra increased their effectiveness: the flow rate of activity in his brain, the thickening of his receptors…everything was increasing to alarming standards. In some areas, the modifications were so great that they even created new passageways _made up of chakra alone_. It was an insane concept, impossible even…or at least it should have been. Never could I have predicted that the waves of energy manifesting in the Sharingan could act in such a way – that they could _create _their own neuron receptors using only pure chakra! In addition, the effects of such a masterful operation created something I never thought I'd see. In short, these Sharingan-made pathways opened a gate to the area of the brain concerning long-term memory. It all made sense with what I'd seen of the Sharingan first-hand. This sort of advanced access was probably what allowed Sharingan users to absorb information so quickly – within about 0.2 seconds, if I was doing the math right.

To me, these intricate complexities were beautiful. I couldn't have found words to describe them if someone had asked me to. It was like…like watching music.

But just as eyes were not made to witness sound, my mind was not crafted with the power to follow the never-ending course of another's mind. At least, not for such long periods of time.

I pulled away with a cry, my hands jolting back to sink into my own hair as I tried to regain my composure. The toll the procedure could take on my body was not something I had considered.

My hands and body shook like tremors, as though I had been shocked. It didn't hurt, at least, not enough to consider it a real threat, but it wasn't a very comfortable feeling either. I tried to focus my eyesight, but all I could see were the phantom waves of Kakashi's chakra coursing through me. Though I'd disconnected from him, there were still parts of him alive within me. It was an unnerving feeling, stepping out of another's body only to find your own didn't quite feel like home. I waited for it to pass, not letting go of my head until I fully felt myself again.

"Woah, sorry," I muttered half-heartedly. "That was…interesting." I didn't need to look up to know my companions were anxiously keeping an eye on my condition. It was easy enough to read their rigid stances.

"You are _not_ doing that again," Shikamaru broke the silence.

"You're overreacting."

"You're white as a ghost, your eyes are so dilated they're almost black, and you can barely control your own motions enough to sit! We aren't continuing."

"That's not your decision to make. Besides, regardless of what it may have looked like, it barely even hurt. I'm _fine_."

"Sakura, I don't think you understand just how un_-_fine you look right now. A second attempt could make it even worse. As your _partner_, I get full jurisdiction when it comes to your safety, and I'm deeming it unsafe for you to continue this experiment."

"_No_!" I shouted, panic gripping at me. "I'm so close to solving this. You have _no idea_ what I've just learned, what I've just _seen_. I'm so close, Shikamaru. You can't take this away from me. I can _do_ this!"

"Saku—"

"Please," I begged him, "trust me."

The idea of him shutting me down was something I couldn't accept, _wouldn't _accept. I wasn't being irrational. Stubborn, maybe, but I wasn't an idiot. I knew my limits just as well as I knew how to work around them, and I _could_ work around this.

"We can take it slow," I reasoned with him, "as slow as need be, but I know this will work."

Shikamaru took a step back from me, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he sighed. I waited for him to relax, but he stayed taut and unresponsive. Kakashi too, I noticed, was also staring off into the distance, clearly weighing the pros and cons of the situation.

Finally, when the silence was beginning to become too much, Kakashi spoke up. "Let her try again."

"The parameters of Sakura's tolerance are too unstable. We risk serious damage to her mental and physical health by continuing."

"While that does hold some merit," Kakashi agreed patiently, "the effects seem to be small enough. If we adjust our pace, I believe we can achieve a safe zone to work in."

"Right," Shikamaru drawled firmly, "_or_ the second attempt will end up with unpredictable consequences."

"The only reason I reacted that way was because I held on for too long," I tried to explain. "The amount of power released by the Sharingan just surprised me. I can adjust the way I mold myself into them and minimize my exposure."

"You can't know if that will work. What if the Sharingan's chakra attacks yours while you're still connected?"

"One more chance," I bargained with him. "No experiment is without risks."

"My concern isn't with your willingness to take the risk, Sakura," he explained, shaking his head, "but with how far you're willing to take it. We don't know what kind of damage this could do to your brain."

"Once more," I argued, meeting his unrelenting stare with just as much force.

"If our situations were reversed, would you, in my position, agree?"

"I would trust you to know your limits."

"I _do_ trust that you know your limits."

"Then what's the issue?"

"Whether or not you'll abide by them."

"Have I given you any reason to doubt that I would?" I countered back. He narrowed his eyes and I held my breath, waiting for his decision.

"Fine," he sighed in defeat after a while. "One more time. But if anything happens, if I even _suspect_ something is going wrong, that's it."

"Agreed…so can you stop pacing back and forth now? We can't do this if you keep pouting."

I doubt even a purring kitten would have protected me from the daggers he threw my way before he sharply turned and sat.

"Kakashi?" I turned to him expectantly. He nodded once in return and moved back into position, but not without sparing me a last concerned glance.

I ignored him and took a deep breath to re-center myself, regulating my breathing back to a calm and even pace. The pain was now gone, having disappeared a few short minutes after contact, but I could still fell the slight tremors in my hands. I needed to steady myself and prove to Shikamaru that he was wrong, that this was doable. I spent a little longer to find my center than before, choosing to focus on the environment around me, the scent of the air, the coolness of the breeze. I let my hands stroke the blades of grass beneath me while listening to the forest and all its voices. It worked like a charm, and before long I was ready to give it another try.

The second time wasn't much easier to work through, but I at least knew what I was getting myself into this time. However, try as I might, the chakra currents were just too strong to fight with, but I wasn't just going to quit and prove Shikamaru right without at least trying something new. So I did something a bit riskier than either of my companions would have liked.

Rather than just cling to the waves and fight to keep our wavelengths balanced as a single unit, I allowed my chakra to be absorbed by the Sharingan's power, molding myself with Kakashi so our minds linked. We weren't connected to the point of being of one mind, but close enough that it was a little frightening. On the plus side, this method made absorbing information easier, and the strain on me lessened. Even so, I knew if I wasn't careful, a single tip of the scale could do the exact thing to me that Shikamaru feared. Because of this, I only allowed myself to stay connected for a few short minutes before breaking away.

"How do you feel?" Shikamaru wasted no time evaluating my condition.

"Better," I told him. "No pain this time, and the tremors are just little twitches now."

"And your energy levels?"

"Stable. I _told you_ you were blowing this out of proportion." I tried to laugh it off, but couldn't dispel the twinge of guilt I harbored from not telling him just _how _I managed to pull it off.

"How about we try a few more times and see what happens before calling it a complete success?"

"Whatever you say."

And so we continued. It took a few more attempts before I figured out how long I could hold on before needing a break, but eventually we established a rhythm that worked. While the degree of the molding process was making the experiment possible without any signs of physical harm, I didn't relax my focus for a second. I couldn't risk the scales tipping to the point of a complete mold; the consequences of such a fusion would be unthinkable. However, after a while the trials continued to go well, and Kakashi and Shikamaru seemed to relax. I was soon able to move past simple lip reading tests, and onto more complicated tasks like reading and copying jutsu. Eventually I even had Kakashi perform small amounts of genjutsu-induced hypnosis on Shikamaru, all of which were completed with no complications. But though the process was made doable, it was still grueling at best and ate away at my energy storage faster than I would have liked. It probably didn't help that I had spent a bit of it in our spar earlier, but there wasn't much I could do about that now.

The struggle became less strenuous once I moved to experiment on the dazed Shikamaru. However, "less strenuous" didn't translate to "easier". I could tell something was off in his stance. He was tense. Not nervous, like he was on the first day I did this, but it was as though he was distracted by something else entirely. Throughout the process, his body remained slightly rigid, his fingers and eyes twitching occasionally. It became harder to focus my attention on his mental wavelengths, but after some worrying, eventually I was able to steel myself and ignore his strange behavior. Once I shrugged off the personal distractions and focused on the experiment again, I noticed that the chakra patterns were easier to follow without the excess power of the Sharingan. I mostly just observed the subtle details in Shikamaru's neural receptors as the chakra affected his brain. Even so, the experiment took hours, leaving me nearly drained by the end of it.

"That's enough for tonight," I said finally as dusk fell behind us. It seemed I was so wrapped up in the procedure that the oncoming darkness had made itself at home before I'd even noticed.

"How do you feel?" Kakashi asked, helping me to my feet. This time I appreciated the help.

"Exhausted," I answered truthfully.

"Be sure to get a good meal in you before going to bed," he recommended, lightly patting me on the head. "Try not to do anymore work until morning."

Work. Just the thought of all the paperwork I would need to fill out before sleeping made me want to cry. I couldn't risk forgetting anything I'd witnessed, so leaving it for tomorrow was out of the question. Not to mention that, because of the bet I'd lost earlier, I still owed Shikamaru a home-cooked meal.

"I'll make sure she gets exactly that," said ninja in question reassured Kakashi, taking his place by my side.

"I don't need a babysitter," I hissed, noticing how Shikamaru refused to meet my eyes and becoming irritated by it.

"Make sure you take her work away from her," my old teacher continued, completely disregarding my grumbling, "otherwise she'll do it the moment you turn your back."

"Hey, don't _ignore_ me!"

"Already got a hiding place in mind."

"I'll leave her to you then."

"Is that all?" Shikamaru asked in an offhanded manner. "You don't have _anything_ else to say?"

Internally I flinched at the sharp edge to his tone, surprised by his sudden bitterness. Kakashi gave him a blank stare of his own before responding with a cheerful, "Nope." With that, he took his leave of us without a backwards glance. If I wasn't so exhausted, and if he wasn't so far away, I would have clocked him. That said, I knew I'd never land the punch anyway, so, like the true shinobi I was, I took the mature route and hit the next best thing.

"Damn it, woman," Shikamaru growled, rubbing the back of his head sourly. "Didn't your parents ever teach you to use your words and not your fists?"

"No."

"Figures."

"Don't make me hit you again."

"Well, at least I don't have to worry about your lack of energy," Shikamaru scoffed, rolling his eyes. "If you're able to make death threats, you must be awake enough to cook."

"I was hoping you forgot about that."

"Not a chance," he winked, though the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. I sighed in defeat, moving to help him as he knelt to collect the papers and scattered equipment. He was obviously still distracted, his eyes constantly seeming to search for something in the distance. I didn't say anything about it, just in case I was imagining things.

"…Shikamaru?" I asked cautiously, reaching for a chart.

"Yeah?"

"You're not really going to make me wear that apron, are you?"

He smirked and my stomach dropped with the oncoming dread. "Doomed" was not a good enough word to describe my situation.

I didn't say anything after that, and Shikamaru seemed content enough to let me stew in my own misery as we finished collecting and sorting the remaining materials. After a few moments, a dull throbbing distracted me, and I put my hand to my head and closed my eyes, the pressure starting to build inside my skull.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I reassured him, smiling.

"Tsk, liar," Shikamaru muttered under his breath, my ears only barely catching his faint words.

"I'm not lying, it's just a small headache. Nothing to worry about."

"If you say so. Are you ready?"

"Yeah," I said, putting the last chart into its respected file and standing slowly so as not to make the headache worse. Shikamaru immediately reached for the papers in my hands, and I didn't resist. It was kind of cute, seeing him try to take care of me, regardless of how unnecessary it was.

We began our trek back to the village. It was a clear night, leaving the stars free to shine beside the moon. The lights in Konoha were starting to flicker on, casting the village in a peaceful glow as shops slowly started to close and people headed home to their loved ones.

"Sooo are you going to tell me what happened, or are you going to make me ask?" I turned towards Shikamaru, slightly startled by his question.

"You have the data in your hands," I told him matter-of-factly, but he just gave me a dry expression. "…Seriously, Shikamaru?" When he didn't answer, I sighed, exasperated. "How did you even _get_ promoted to jōnin?"

"Good question, you should ask the Hokage that the next time we see her."

"Smartass."

"Are you going to tell me or not?"

I paused for a moment, contemplating my answer. By all rights I should have made him read the charts for himself, but at the same time I did want his thoughts on a few things, so with a slight shrug I gave him the information he wanted. "Well, for starters, the effects of the Sharingan went further than what we originally thought possible."

"How so?"

"From what I could see, it doesn't just amplify neuron fibers in the brain. It creates pathways of its own, speeding up the relay systems between each section of the brain by at least 40%, maybe even more." Shikamaru gave a low whistle. "I know, and there's more. These homemade roads act like a superhighway that can access the parts of the brain that focus on long-term memory, language, movement, and emotion." I shook my head, still finding it hard to take in everything I had learned. "It was incredible."

"Did you notice any discrepancies in the wavelengths?" he asked thoughtfully, mulling it all over.

"You mean other than the obvious drain of Kakashi's chakra when he used his Sharingan? No, not really. But then again, even if there were other differences, I don't think I would've noticed," I added somewhat bitterly. "Without the comparison of a perfect Sharingan, I can't truly know what defects are present in Kakashi's. There simply isn't enough information."

Well, perhaps that wasn't entirely true. Sure, I could make an educated guess on how to manipulate the flow of chakra in Kakashi's eye so as to minimize the drain, but it was a risk I wasn't willing to take. My failure could result in more harm than good.

"So you're saying that without Sasuke, this experiment is a bust?"

"Not completely," I disagreed quickly, noticing his darkening tone. "It just makes it a lot harder. I think we can still do it, but I need more information."

"You mean more readings."

"Well, yes." He didn't seem to like that answer very much. "Look—" I began, stopping him with a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"If Sasuke was here," he said, cutting me off abruptly, "would it be easier?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Would it be easier?" he asked again, ignoring my question. I studied him carefully, and quickly noticed something was off. His stance was far too rigid, and his sharpened gaze closely inspected our surroundings as if he was expecting something to be there, just out of his line of sight.

"I mean, yeah, of course it would," I answered carefully, watching his face slightly tighten at my words. "But I would still have to do more readings regardless. His being here wouldn't change that."

"But it would lessen the number of times you'd need to go through with it."

"Probably…not that I can see why this even matters. He's not here, after all." To anyone else that flinch could have been passed off as an eye twitch, but I wasn't just anyone. "What's going on? What aren't you telling me?"

"What about outside the experiment?"

"Outside?"

"In your personal life," he elaborated.

"If Sasuke was here, it would be harder, obviously!" I shouted, the muscles in my gut clenching as I watched him speed up to walk ahead of me. "I mean," I stammered, moving to catch up with him again, "just getting Kakashi and Naruto to understand is going to be hard enough. To have to explain it to Sasuke at the same time would be a nightmare."

I couldn't figure out why he wasn't letting it go and calming down. My fear was starting to intensify, along with my confusion. I just couldn't understand what he was getting at. In addition, my head and body still ached from earlier. I knew I was missing something, but was too exhausted to figure out what.

"We're here," he murmured, nodding to the door in front of us. It took me a moment to realize where we were, and then another to notice that I wasn't staring at the entrance to his house, but to my own.

"I thought I was cooking at your place tonight."

"I figured you would appreciate the chance to shower and change clothes."

I bit my lip, half-torn by his courteous thoughts and his more-than-concerning behavior. "I would actually…thank you."

I waited for him to say something. Anything, really. But he didn't, instead glancing towards the distant trees.

"Would you like to wait inside?" I asked timidly, not knowing how things had gotten so tense between us, but wanting to fix it nonetheless. He smiled softly at me, causing my heart to clench in both anticipation and affection.

"I would, but there are a few things I need to pick up for tonight. I should be back in an hour or so, is that enough time for you to get cleaned up?"

My shoulders slumped with disappointment at his lack of enthusiasm. "Yeah, that's fine."

"And Sakura," he added, causing me to look up, "wear whatever makes you comfortable. I'll be back soon."

With that, he was gone, blending into the nighttime shadows right before my eyes. I shook my head at his mysterious behavior, feeling a bit unsettled with his sudden change in mood, and turned to unlock my door. Once inside, I closed it behind me absentmindedly, furrowing my brow.

At least I knew he was coming back, I grumbled humorlessly. I groaned, pressing the palm of my hand against my temple. My headache had gotten worse.

Kicking off my shoes, I walked into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet, hoping to find something to alleviate the pain without having to resort to using even more chakra. Rows of neatly organized bottles and bandages greeted me as I reached for the aspirin on the top shelf. I took two, rinsing it down with water from the tap. Hopefully that would help.

I looked towards to the shower next and sighed before slowly starting to peel off my uniform and step into the tub. I turned the water to a burning heat, allowing the pelting impact of the spray to warm my skin and relax my muscles. So many things had happened today: first was this newfound relationship between Shikamaru and I, then were our experiments with Kakashi, and now there was all this…whatever "this" was. I was happy with how everything was turning out, don't get me wrong, but I didn't like the way the conversation kept spinning near the end. I was missing something important, but what?

Was Shikamaru having second thoughts about us?

No, that was silly to worry about. If that was the case, he would have just straight up told me.

My mind flashed back to all his doubts about my own sincerity. If he was certain about his feelings for me, did that mean he was still worried about _my_ convictions?

I thought it was ridiculous considering how clear I had made my feelings known, but even so, I knew that possibility was likely. I sighed again at the thought. I was too tired to think about it for too long, so I decided I'd just ask him again when he got back. It was useless for me to dwell on it without him there to clarify it all anyway, so I dropped it and used the time to clear my head and wake up again.

I finished my shower in record time and proceeded to dress myself in a simple red dress before blow-drying my hair. I had almost finished when there was a knock at my door. My heart did a slight jump as I glanced at my clock. He was earlier than he said he'd be.

I shrugged it off, figuring he had finished his errands quicker than expected, and made my way to the front to let him in.

"You know," I said tiredly, opening the door, "you could have just walked in." I moved aside to allow him room to pass, but suddenly stopped in my tracks as I realized that it wasn't Shikamaru. Not at all.

My heart dropped into my stomach and I felt the breath leave my lungs.

"Hello, Sakura."

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Don't forget to review! See ya'll next time!

Cheers


	12. Chapter 12

I'm BACK! First off I would like to start off with a HUDGE THANK YOU to all my reviewers and fellow readers! 101 REVIEWS! Thank you all so much for your support, and continued support as we continue along this journey together it means so much to me.

Also, I want to really thank my beta for all the hard work she does on my story, especially this chapter, it was a lot of work so thank you dearly.

Finally, sorry for the delay. I never intended for it to take 9 months for this chapter, but I've had to go through a lot of changes lately. I moved from BC to the UK for one, changed schools, and have started writing my own original works set to be published in a year. However, on the plus side, I'm presenting you with a chapter 3 times longer than any of my others so in essence its like you're getting 3 chapters all at once. :P

Anyways. Again, thank you to everyone still with me. Here is the newest chapter of A Restless Resolve. I hope you all enjoy it, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

P.S. in this chapter lies a hidden surprise, i wonder if any of you can guess it :P

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Chapter 10

"_You'll find out soon enough." _

Why…why didn't he warn me? How could he just stand there and say _nothing_?

"_Is that _all_? You don't have _anything_ else to say?" _

"_If Sasuke was here…would it be easier?" _

His wary glances. His constant search for something that wasn't even there… He knew. He knew, and, like Kakashi, he remained silent.

But how, how did Shikamaruknow he was coming? And how had I not figured it out myself? How had I _missed_ this? It couldn't be real. Of all the times for this to happen, why did it have to be now?

It was real.

_He_ was real.

Standing in my doorway was Sasuke, a man I could only refer to as a past ally, as he was now a complete stranger. He had the same face, older and far more weathered than I remembered it, but still the same. His skin, I noticed with a tinge of sadness, was drawn tight and cracked with gray bags under his eyes. Even his clothes bared the fingerprints of past hardships, his large brown poncho riddled with rips that were sloppily mended, and his grayish-black pants frayed and covered with sand. Exhaustion branded him with an invisible marker only my astute medical training allowed me to see, and for a moment I felt a twinge inside my heart tighten with something other than fear.

_Relief._

As much pain as Sasuke had caused me, he was still an important member of not just Team Seven, but this village as well. This place was – _is_ – his home, and to see him back…and _safe_…it was more than I had even hoped to see in a long time.

"You're back."

The words fell from my lips in a trembling whisper. I had to lean against the doorframe to stay standing, the shock finally hitting my overly-exhausted body like a bullet. I felt weak. Light-headed. It was too much.

"Yes."

The same bored tone, the same colorless expression intermingling with cocky superiority was so familiar, so _him_ that I couldn't help but let out a strangled laugh. The motion proved to be my body's undoing, and as my knees buckled I slowly slumped to the ground. My shoulders shook, first from the laughter, then slowly morphing into tremors as I fell into hysteria.

Fear.

Happiness.

Anxiety.

All of it whirled around inside me with reckless abandonment. There was no sorting through it, no grasping for solid ground when everything around me was crumbling to pieces. I didn't know what to say or how to respond. Thousands upon thousands of questions raced through my mind, begging my lips to form them though I couldn't bring myself to do so. Sasuke didn't say a word in response to my breakdown, but I could feel in the shift of his stance that he wanted to say something, but like me, was unable to find the words.

"I'm sorry," I all but gasped, hastily rubbing my hands across my face to stop the few traces of tears caused by my fit. I couldn't believe I was reacting so strongly to his return. I waited for the anger, the rage I knew had built inside me over the years. I wanted so badly to be angry, to yell and scream and tell him everything he had put Naruto and Kakashi and his whole fucking village through. He deserved my wrath, and yet as I crouched before him, I couldn't even muster a morsel of it.

"I'm sorry," I said again, this time more clearly. I took a deep breath and finally regained enough composure to stand with shaky legs. "It's been a long day…and you've…well, you've caught me at a bad time."

I was ready to explain, but was instead cut off by his bitter, "I know."

"You know…?" I looked up at him hesitantly. The sudden surge of anger in his body took me by surprise and I instinctively flinched away.

"The Hokage told me all about your _project _when I reported to her this morning." Fire burned in the cool timber of his voice, a detached violence making me wince guiltily. The experiments. I should have expected that Lady Tsunade would tell him, but I wished she hadn't done it on his first day back.

"Look, Sasuke—"

"You had no right," he cut me off, his eyes wavering between flashes of tinted red and black. My breath caught in my throat at the obvious threat.

"Sasuke, please," I implored, all the while keeping a cautious watch on his body's stance, "let me explain."

He continued to glare in my direction, saying nothing in response. There was once a time when having his anger directed toward me would have broken my heart, but now it just left me weary. I wasn't the same person I was back then. I had strength in my arsenal now, and if Sasuke thought he could bully me into submission like he did in the past, then he had another thing coming. With a level head, I hardened my core and took stock of the situation: we were still standing in my doorway, and while it was late enough for the crowds to have thinned out, this was still a conversation best had in privacy. That said, I stepped aside and motioned for him to come in, but he didn't respond. The awkward silence filled the doorway as I waited for him to accept my invitation, but after an extended pause I dropped my hands back to my sides.

Instead I cleared my throat. "I would prefer to not do this outside."

This time he responded to my hint with narrowed eyes before stiffly entering, the tips of his fingers just barely brushing against the doorframe as he passed. Once he did, I closed the door behind him with a soft click and directed him to the kitchen, offering him a seat.

It didn't surprise me when he refused to take it, choosing instead to stand in the middle of the room like an ill-positioned statue. It irked me that he couldn't even look at me, like I was an offense to his eyes. I was just about to say something when I noticed movement out of the corner of my eyes and froze. It was black as tar and moved with lightening speed as it slithered across the floor and up Sasuke's leg, disappearing under his poncho only to rematerialize centimeters from his ear. I didn't even have time to act before I saw the snarl form on his lips as the snake finished hissing him a secret. He was moving before I knew it, sliding past me with a fuming whoosh. I watched him go, completely stunned, out of the kitchen and towards my private office. As I saw him approach the door, my body regained movement and I sprang forward.

"Hey, what do you think you're—"

He ripped open the door without blinking an eye, the deep crack of the wood tearing from the hinges so suddenly I couldn't help but jump. I watched with a numbing resignation as he discarded the now-splintered remains of wood onto the ground before stepping in. The stupid snake continued to perch on his shoulder, hissing all the while into his ear. It became clear to me the reason for his 'visit'.

Neatly stacked in my office was everything I had on the Uchiha clan and the Sharingan. Every individual medical file of every single member of the clan for the past six generations was filed along the walls and covering my bookshelves like a crime scene. I watched as he took stock of every chart and folder he could before stepping inside and picking up the file I had been looking at last.

His.

By all rights I should have stopped him – hell, I should have ripped him a new one for summoning a snake to fucking _spy_ on me – but guilt hung heavily on my shoulders in a way that left me motionless. From the very beginning, I knew what would happen if he ever found out about my research before I could discuss it with him first. I knew what betrayal he'd feel by my digging into his family line, into_ him_. But still I persisted; still I looked. I knew this day was coming, and now here we were.

"Sasuke, I—"

"Shut up."

_Stay calm, _my inner voice cautioned. _He's angry. If we're not careful… _

In the wake of his anger, I steeled myself and waited for him to face me. It didn't take more than a few seconds before his blazing gaze settled on mine, Sharingan already fully activated, his left eye completely red with power.

"This," Sasuke hissed, holding up his file, "was not yours to take."

"I didn't _take_ it," I told him evenly, trying to stay reasonable in the face of his animosity by ignoring his accusation. He acted as though I stole it from him like a common thief. "It was given to me."

"You _asked_ for it."

"It was necessary."

"For your _experiments_." He spat the last word like it tasted foul. His companion hissed alongside him, baring its fangs at me with mocking intent. I had to grit my teeth from saying something I would regret. I knew I needed to stay in control of my reactions and not let my frustration with him take over. "On _my_ family."

"No, on kekkei genkai," I clarified. This seemed to make him pause for a moment to consider me.

"Kekkei genkai?"

"Yes."

"So the Uchiha files are not the only ones in this room?"

Dropping my gaze from his, I pursed my lips and didn't say a word.

"Why?" My eyes shut in resignation, and I knew my silence had spoken loud enough.

"Ah, I see. You already asked the other clans, didn't you?" His laugh was short, bitter, mocking. He slinked towards me with heavy purpose. "Of course you did. And I bet they all responded the same way, didn't they? After all, no one likes it when an outsider tries to get a glimpse into their family's secrets." He had gotten closer now, his anger bringing himself but a hair's breadth away from me. I opened my eyes and stared directly into his, deliberately ignoring the snake. I was _not_ going to be intimidated.

"I did _not_ steal your clan's information. I was granted official access by the Hokage and the Elders—"

"But not by _me_!" Sasuke's cry of outrage was so sudden, so unexpected that I staggered back with surprise. He followed me step-for-step until my back collided into a wall. My heart beat erratically in my chest as my blood ran cold. But not with fear. No. I was finished fearing Sasuke.

"You weren't _here_!" I growled, losing my temper as I shoved Sasuke away from me with everything I had. The snake was quick to respond though, and it lashed out at me in retaliation. With the shinobi speed I had worked so hard for, I grabbed it mid-strike and tossed it across the room before turning angrily back to Sasuke.

"Get rid of that thing _now_!" I screamed, but he didn't even turn his head as he addressed his pet.

"Níõhöggr, be still." The creature spat in anger but obeyed, his bitter gaze following my every movement like a shadow.

"No," I disagreed firmly. "I want it _gone_."

"So I wasn't here," he challenged me, completely ignoring my protests. "And? Is that really the excuse you're using to justify your betrayal?"

"Wha_—betrayal_? Are you serious? What right do you have to lecture _me_ on betrayal, after everything you've done?" I felt hot and cold all at once. I knew I should stop there, I knew I should walk away and tell him to leave, but my frustration was rising and something inside me snapped, and everything just came tumbling out with a searing heat.

"If you want to talk about betrayal, then fine, let's talk about betrayal. Let's talk about how you_ just_ summoned a goddamn snake to enter _my_ house – _uninvited _– to spy on me. Let's talk about how _you_ left _me_ unconscious while you ran off to join the enemy. You not only turned your back on your friends, your _teammates_, but on the whole _fucking_ village, all for the sake of gaining power. And for what, revenge?" I bit out a sarcastic laugh, shaking my head at his foolishness. For his part, he didn't seem to appreciate my bitter judgment, the fire burning in his gaze now blazing like a rolling inferno.

"Don't talk as if you knew what I was going through."

"You're not the only one who has experienced loss, Sasuke. If you'd only tried to talk to us, we could have helped you through it."

"There was nothing any of you could have done for me."

"You wouldn't even let us try!"

"_Because there was nothing you could do_," Sasuke exploded, more with intensity than volume. His voice lowered an octave with a chilling ferocity and he suddenly seemed much larger, much more intimidating than before. "I watched my parents die in front of me by the hands of my brother. I saw as the blood drained from their bodies. I felt their skin turn cold. I couldn't stop it, I couldn't fix it. All I could do was be angry. That anger consumed me. Nothing was more important than making the one responsible _pay_. Nothing you could have said would have changed that."

"Maybe you're right," I admitted, a hardness to my voice. "Back then I couldn't understand what it was like to lose my loved ones the way you did. But I wasn't the only one reaching out. You had Kakashi, you had Naruto. Both of them would have done anything to help you if you had just let them."

"It wasn't their business to get involved. It was my path, not theirs."

"Okay, that's bullshit and you know it. You recruited Suigetsu, Karin and Jūgo all on your own, remember? It wasn't about you not wanting help, you just didn't want _our_ help. Clearly you deemed your 'new teammates' superior to us."

"They were _not_ my teammates."

"Sorry," I apologized mockingly, "I meant pawns. Heaven forbid you actually let someone past those goddamn walls of yours." We were _all_ just pawns to him, after all. Just pieces for him to use to better achieve his goals. I'd always known that, but deep down I'd hoped that that part of him would have changed after all these years. "You just can't trust people, can you? Not even me. I'm the top medical ninja in this village – I'm supposed to be your _friend_ – and you can't even trust me with your medical files? What kind of person do you think I am?"

"I would watch your tone if I were you, Sakura_._"

"Or what?" I scoffed. "You'll sic your new pet on me? So much for turning over a new leaf." I shook my head and threw up my arms in frustration. I couldn't even look at him anymore. "The thing is, Sasuke," I continued, not even glancing at him as I slowly turned my back to him and walked away, back towards the kitchen, "you talk of betrayal, but you don't know the first thing about loyalty. When you left us that night, we didn't just count our losses and abandon you, we _fought_ for you. Don't you even know how close so many of us came to dying? Kiba, Chouji, _Naruto_? Don't you even _care_?"

I sensed more than saw Sasuke stiffen behind me as he reluctantly followed me into the living room, his hands causing a dull scraping sound as they grazed the walls he passed. I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my skull but did my best to ignore them.

"We have always been loyal to you, Sasuke. Even when you attacked us, tried to _kill_ us, Naruto and I have always had hope for you." From the corner of my peripheral, a frame caught my eye. It was our old team picture, the one I still left sitting on a shelf after all these years. Even if only a little, I felt we had known the real Sasuke, felt that the bond we shared with each other was indestructible. For years I held tightly to that connection with the hope that we could be a team once more. I looked away with remorse.

I was a woman now, not the same girl that stood smiling in that photo all those years ago…just as the boy I had once loved was not the same as the man that stood behind me now. Now, I didn't even know who he was.

I watched in the glass' reflection as his feet shifted, his eyes still cast down as he looked anywhere and everywhere but me.

"Don't you know how hard Naruto fought for you?" I whispered after a moment, half to myself. "When the village had given up – when even _I_ gave up…" I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, suddenly exhausted. "Naruto once told me he could understand why you left. He said you loved your family and clan so much, you could never forgive what happened. You wanted justice, he understood that." I turned to him slowly, the anger still resting just below the surface, threatening to rise the longer I thought about Naruto. I couldn't deny that I was protective of him, that Sasuke's treatment of him infuriated me even more than his treatment of me.

"Do you remember what he said to you? That day you tried to kill me and declared your intention to destroy Konoha? Do you remember what he said?

"He said it was his _duty_, that he would bear the burden of your hatred and die with you. Even after you tried to kill him, even after you threatened everything he cared about, he never once stopped trying to save you."

I had to fight hard to keep my voice from trembling when I recalled everything Naruto had done: the dangers he faced, the risks he had taken. There was no truer friend than he, and not a day went by that I wasn't thankful for the strength he pulled for us all.

"He fought so hard for you, you idiot. And when you finally came back and joined our side in the war, we were so – fucking – happy. We didn't have to, but we forgave you for everything, just like that. No hesitation. We welcomed you back with open arms because we knew this was where you belonged.

"We have always been loyal to you, Sasuke. But the truth is, you have never been loyal to us."

I watched with wary anticipation, my lecture winding down, as Sasuke's hands clenched into tight fists. With a sigh I watched as their grip loosened, his anger slowly draining from his body. He looked – not defeated, no, I don't think that would be even possible from him – but there was something there that proved my words had at least been heard. I let out a silent breath in relief.

"I never asked either of you to do any of that," he spoke at last.

I shook my head, "Yeah well, you didn't have to."

His eyes tightened as remorse leaked from his body like a miasma. I bit my lip and watched in silent debate before making my decision. Cautiously, so as not to startle him, I walked forward and took his limp hand in mine, giving it a comforting squeeze. I had to stifle my surprise when his hand, rather than pull back like I had expected, tightened against mine in return.

"For what it's worth," he sighed, "I'm sorry."

"You've made mistakes. What's important is the effort you make to fix them."

"There's still a lot more that needs to be fixed."

"True, but I trust you'll see to it as best you can."

It warmed my heart to see Sasuke smile at me then. It wasn't a sarcastic smirk like usual, but a real honest-to-god smile.

"Listen…" I started carefully, "I trust you, Sasuke, and I trust you'll make up for what you've done. I just hope you can trust me in return. What I did was wrong, I get that. I shouldn't have asked for the files on your family without asking you first, and I'm sorry. But just believe me when I say I wouldn't have asked for them if I had had any other choice. I have _no_ intention of sharing your secrets with anyone else. My only goal is to understand as many of these kekkei genkai as possible, and to help the children who carry them in the future. I mean…I don't know…like what if I could find a way to unlock the Sharingan's full potential without anyone having to die? Just think of the possibilities my research can open!"

The moment I paused to regard him was the moment I realized I shouldn't have pushed it. It was his smile that had disarmed me. It had filled me with such hope for a changing heart that I told him this much, that I laid bare my emotions and ambitions for this project. In doing so, I failed to notice the chill around us as he pulled back, the same hands that had just moments before grasped mine with acceptance dropping away. That gentle smile faded into a hard line, twitching with contempt before my very eyes. I watched with a broken heart as those few seconds of acceptance he had granted me faded back into old habits of mistrust.

"You want me to _trust you_?" he asked me coolly, leveling me with a calculating stare. The activated Sharingan eye glowed red. I couldn't understand where this sudden shift of resentment came from. I thought we had cleared things up. I thought we had understood each other. "How do I know you won't betray that trust?"

"Well…because I'm giving you my word."

"Your word?" he chuckled darkly, taking a step back. "Like how you promised you were going to wait?"

"Are…are you _serious_? That was more than three years ago!"

"My apologies," Sasuke sneered. "I wasn't aware your word came with an expiration date. I'll be sure to read the fine print the next time I decide to believe one of _your_ promises."

It's funny – when you think about it, _really _think about it, a person's life is but a composition of memories and moments. Every mistake, every triumph, each and every decision is something we've determined for ourselves. Sometimes these are choices we are unprepared to make; sometimes they are ones we're simply unwilling to accept entirely, yet really there is no other choice but to face them head-on. And so we live each day always trying to make the right choice. We are all trying to move in a direction we hope is forward. Always forward. It had taken a long time, but I eventually learned the value in taking ownership for my actions, rather than depending on others to solve the problems I was too afraid to face. Each of those actions defined me back then. Just as the ones I took afterwards defined who I've become. Seeing the victorious look he had plastered on his face, the way he relished in hurting me with his words…that was his choice.

What happened next was mine.

I didn't think about the consequences as I threw my hand forward as hard as I could, whipping it across his face. The crack of skin connecting with skin echoed off the walls and filled the room. The vibration of pain started festering in my palm, spreading all the way to my fingertips before slowly fading away. It was bright red and stung like a bitch, but I drew satisfaction in seeing the same red mark plastered across his cheek as his face slowly transformed from one of smug victory into that of shock.

"_Get out,_" I spat.

"How d—"

"No. No, you don't get to talk anymore. For over ten years I've waited in your shadow, hoping you'd take notice. I cried for you, bled for you, defended you when no one else did. I loved you, Sasuke. I loved you and wanted nothing more than for you to be happy. _You_ made the choice to walk away. You chose to throw it back in my face. But even then, I still waited and put you ahead of myself—"

Turning his eyes from me, he clenched his jaw. "That's not my fault."

"No," I agreed, "it was mine. I _do_ matter, you know, and it has taken me years to figure that out. How long did you expect me to wait for you to come around? How long did you expect me to put my life on hold so you could find whatever it is you're searching for? Did you even _once_ stop to think about me?" I searched his face, demanding an answer but he refused to meet my eyes. "Look at me, damn it, and _say something_!"

His eyes snapped to me then, the Sharingan's color unsteadily flickering from red to black. His gaze bore into mine with something I couldn't identify. His hands clenched and unclenched, his mouth opening and shutting wordlessly. I had never seen him at such a loss for words.

"Well?" I demanded.

"No," he admitted at last. I nodded in turn. It stung to hear it, but it's not like I expected more.

"I don't need you to bring meaning to my life anymore. I do that for myself now. I don't need you to make me happy…and I _don't_ need your permission. I am doing my job. I have sacrificed too much to allow you to ruin everything I've accomplished. I understand that I should have asked you about those dumb files. But you need to understand that you have no right to stop me. This—" I said, indicating the room we had walked away from, "is _my_ path, and I will fight you to the bitter end to protect it.

"Now," I said evenly, straightening myself, "I do believe I asked you to leave."

"This isn't over," Sasuke growled after a few breaths, unable to say much else.

"That's not for you to decide," I replied flatly. "Now get out of my house."

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I didn't expect it to be that easy, but in the end Sasuke did leave. I watched him through my window as he disappeared down the road with Níõhöggr taking the lead. I knew in my gut that this wasn't the end of it. It never was that simple with him. I laid my head against the glass, enjoying the cold comfort it brought to my burning skin.

I exhaled tiredly, "You know, it's rude to eavesdrop without permission."

"I wasn't eavesdropping."

"Spying, then." Without removing my weight from the glass I rotated my head to face him.

"Observing," Shikamaru corrected, sliding out from the shadows. I regarded him seriously before turning back towards the window.

"You don't trust me," I sighed sadly, wrapping my arms around myself.

"I don't trust _him._"

"I can take care of myself."

"That doesn't mean I can't worry."

"If you were so worried you should have told me," I argued back, but it was mostly a halfhearted attempt. I was spent. Shikamaru must have sensed this too because he didn't try to argue. Instead he wrapped his arms around mine from behind.

"Sorry."

I leaned into his touch. His skin was cooler than the window, giving me an idea of just how long he was standing guard.

"So how much did you hear?"

"None of it. I told you I wasn't listening."

I furrowed my brow in confusion. "But—"

He silenced me with a peck on the ear. "I only stayed close enough to make sure he didn't try to start a fight."

"And if he had?" I snorted. "What would _you_ have done?"

He chuckled along with me, though his laugh was unexpectedly much darker than mine. "I hope you'll never have to find out."

"How very sinister of you."

"I'll have you know I can be very sinister."

"Right…should I be frightened?" I teased.

"Terrified," he whispered huskily into my skin. I giggled and playfully squirmed out of his grasp, only to have him pin me back up against the wall. With the tips of his fingers he ran a hand along my face, under my eyes, and along my jaw. My eyes fluttered closed as I hummed with pleasure.

"No offense, but you look like you could drop at any second."

"I'm fine."

"These bags under your eyes say differently."

"You're one to talk," I laughed lightly, bringing up one of my own hands to trace the lines deeply rooted under his eyes. "You look like you haven't slept properly in days."

Shikamaru shrugged, gently tugging my hands away from him to place a light kiss on each knuckle. "Can't be helped."

"You should take better care of your body," I told him seriously.

"Ha. Bit of the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't you say?"

"You know I _am_ a doctor right?"

"That really doesn't help your case Sakura." Shikamaru chuckled, "while you may be the best doctor here, you are also the worst kind of patient."

"I already told you, I'm _fine." _

"Sakura, you just went head to head with Sasuke after three years of absence. You may be able to hide your feelings from others in the shadows, but not me. Talk to me. Please."

Looking up into his eyes I allowed my smile to drop and shook my head in defeat. "You'd know a thing or two about shadows, wouldn't you?" I could almost feel his grin against my ear as he hugged me tightly against his chest.

"You could say it's one of my specialties."

"And I suspect this 'specialty' allows you to gain intel on a number of secrets not privy to others?"

"One or two," he agreed softly, already knowing where I was leading. I bit my lip.

"I see…" I drawled, pulling away. "Then maybe you can elaborate on how you knew this one?"

To his benefit, Shikamaru didn't waste any time stalling or playing innocent. He knew to what I was referring. It only took him a brief moment of silence before he nodded, deciding to tell me everything he knew.

"I suppose you could say I've been…trailing his shadow for some time now."

I regarded him blankly. "I'm really not in the mood for riddles. There's no way you could have been following him since he got back. You've been with me all day."

"It's not something I can easily explain."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It entails revealing an incredibly classified secret," Shikamaru sighed ruefully.

"How classified?"

"Besides me, only three others know of it. The third, not exactly by choice…" The steel in his voice told me it was not a subject he would elaborate on now. I nodded in resignation.

"If you can't tell me how you knew, will you at least tell me why you kept it a secret? I think I had a right to know that Sasuke was back in the village."

"You did."

"Then why keep it from me?"

Shikamaru exhaled while sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. "Kakashi believed it wasn't my place to tell you."

I blinked.

"You mean to say that _both_ of you knew long enough to have a discussion about it? And _still_ I wasn't told? Exactly how long have you two known about this?"

"Kakashi only learned of his arrival this morning," he explained. "That's why he showed up late. He was part of Sasuke's debriefing." It didn't escape me that he didn't state his own knowledge on the matter. I narrowed my eyes with irritation.

"And how exactly do you know that?"

"He told me."

"How could he have—" And that's when the light bulb flickered on. "During our experiments…I had you two communicate mentally so I could see the structural change in your brain waves…" I took a step back, away from Shikamaru. "That whole time, you were talking about me."

"Sakura, wait—" But I slapped his hand away.

"_No_! Goddammit Shikamaru, this stops here! Both you _and_ Kakashi have to stop this. I am a grown fucking woman, I can take care of myself!" I rounded on him, grabbing his jaw and forcing him to look me in the eyes. "Neither you nor Kakashi have the right to make these kinds of decisions for me. I mean…just how _weak_ do you think I am?"

I let go, frustrated and disgusted with the entire situation. It was like no one trusted me. Did they think so little of me? Was I truly so unstable in their eyes that they thought Sasuke coming home would set me off like a relapsing addict?

"I didn't tell you because I didn't think you could handle it," Shikamaru said dully, "though I know you're more than capable."

"So you say," I sneered back. "So _everyone_ seems to say, but it's all just words, just empty, worthless words! Everything you do, everything everyone does just tells me the opposite. I thought this was a partnership. Stop telling me you trust me and just _show me _that you do! Talk to me, talk _with_ me, don't just decide for me. If this is what you call trust then maybe I don't want to be a part of it after all!"

The silence that followed was heavy and awkward. I regretted my words almost instantly. Shikamaru just stared at the ground with pursed lips. He wouldn't even look at me.

I wanted to apologize, but at the same time I didn't. It's not like what I said wasn't true, but I knew I could have approached it better. It just seemed like the entire day had just been one argument after the next, turning me into one giant ball of "fuck you." Shikamaru didn't deserve to deal with the brunt of that.

"Hey, I'm sorry—"

"I've known where Sasuke's been all along."

I blinked, startled. "We've already established that you knew he was back. It's fine, okay? I'm sorry for yelling at you, that wasn't fair of me."

He shook his head. "No, I don't just mean I knew about him in the village. I mean I've known from the start."

From the start?

I took a step back and shakily brushed my hands through my hair, momentarily in shock. He'd known for that long? How? How was that possible? How could someone like Sasuke be tracked for so long and not even notice? And above all, why would someone like Shikamaru even _want_ to track Sasuke in the first place?

"I don't understand…" I whispered aloud, voice shaking. "How is that possible? Not even Lady Tsunade knew where he was."

"I've had a tracker on him since he left…over three years ago."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I laughed weakly. "So then all those times I came to you about finding him, all those times I expressed how worried I was, or how worried Naruto and Kakashi were, and you just sat there and told me everything would be fine? And with no explanation, even though you could have eased all our fears with just one bloody sentence! Do you know how much of a bullshit answer this is?"

"I wanted to tell you!" Shikamaru confessed, pain lacing his voice and causing it to crack. "But how could I tell you without revealing everything? There was nothing I could have said without having to lie to you to justify my knowledge."

"A lie of omission is still a lie," I murmured back, wrapping my arms around myself before looking away. Never would I have guessed I'd feel such betrayal because of him.

"Please don't turn away," he begged. He came closer, brushing his hand along my cheek, but I twisted out of his reach. "Believe me when I say that hurting you was something I never wanted to do."

"Why did you even follow him in the first place?" I questioned angrily. "Was it an order?" When he shook his head, my heart clenched further with frustration.

"Then why?" I pleaded. "For fuck's sake, Shikamaru, help me understand."

"I just – I don't know what I was thinking," he admitted. Defeated, his entire frame seemed to sink inside of himself. "The war had just ended. Sasuke was back and everyone was so damn happy about it. Both you and Naruto couldn't welcome him back fast enough. It was like the past few years never even happened!" He was rambling now, everything spilling out like a broken dam. Frustration, anger, pain, all of it mixed together like a bomb ready to detonate. "And then," he laughed, the sound somehow lined with such a biting frost it made my blood run cold, "just as everyone was getting used to the idea of him being back, he announced he was going to leave again."

"He wanted to redeem himself…" I found myself whispering, the shock of his words causing me to reply mostly on reflex. Even so, my words seemed to spark a reaction in Shikamaru as he threw me a stony stare.

"You'll have to forgive me for not taking his word on it. Not just like that. His word might have meant something to you and Naruto, but it meant fuck all to me. Not when the entire safety of the village was at stake."

"So you put a tracker on him."

"I did it for the village. So if he ever cracked again, he wouldn't have the luxury of hiding."

I stood there in silence for a moment, trying to comprehend everything he was saying. Shikamaru waited, taking the time to calm down and let his anger drain away. I used the time to do the same. His distrust was understandable. It would be immature of me to hold that against him. After all, Sasuke had always been a wild card. Shikamaru was a tactician; he carried the responsibility of the defense of Konoha on his shoulders…so with that in mind, I really had no right to be angry with him. I sighed and turned to face him more fully. After a few deep breaths, I steadied my voice and mind to be more rational and less emotional.

"How could a tracker tell you if Sasuke had gone back to his old ways?" I inquired evenly.

"I can't answer that," he confessed, his eyes tightening with an unspoken apology. "That's classified."

"I thought you said you did this on your own."

"I did," he sighed, "but naturally I had to inform the Hokage. From that point on, the decisions concerning it were no longer in my power."

My eyes widened with shock. "So the Hokage's known this entire time?"

"Yes."

I clenched my hands with frustration. It seemed like everyone was keeping secrets. "And did the Hokage forbid you from revealing his whereabouts?"

"Yes…and no."

I narrowed my eyes, suspicion starting to creep back into my voice. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"After I told the Hokage about the tracker, there was a discussion about whether you, Naruto, and Kakashi should be informed or not…I voted for everyone to be left in the dark. The Hokage agreed."

"Fuck you," I whispered.

"Are you saying you wouldn't have gone after him if you'd known?" Shikamaru asked directly.

At those words, I badly wanted to smack him, so that he may compare the sting of my hand to the sting his lack of faith played on my heart. The awkwardness stretched further to the point where I could see the distance between us widen. Shikamaru sensed it too. I could see it in his eyes, in the way his body stood as taught as a bowstring. He was expecting me to walk away, to tell him to get out and never come back. I hated the fact that there was a small part of myself that wanted to do it, but a bigger part of me loved him too much to let everything fall apart over something like this. Shikamaru wasn't cruel. When he made that decision, he did it with the well being of Konoha at the front of his mind…and the well being of myself.

I hated to admit it, but deep down I knew that if Shikamaru had told me Sasuke's location in the beginning, I don't think I would have had the strength back then to _not_ go after him. Just as I know Naruto couldn't have resisted the temptation after three years of waiting either. It was a harsh reality, but it was the truth. Shikamaru may have withheld information about Sasuke, but it wasn't like he stopped Sasuke from revealing that information himself.

I let out a breath, trying to process everything before nodding in turn, mind made up. "Okay," I said, turning away from him to grab my coat from the closet.

"Okay? What do you mean 'okay'? Wait, are you leaving?"

"We both are," I clarified, giving him a tired smile. "You're right. I would have gone after him, or at the very least, I would have been tempted to find him. I get why you wanted to keep us in the dark. I might not like it, but that's the nature of what we do." I opened the front door and waved him towards it. "Besides, it's late and I believe I still owe you dinner."

Shikamaru still looked doubtful, but he walked out the door regardless and waited for me to lock it behind us. "Just like that? You're not mad anymore?"

"I'm still mad," I told him seriously. "You didn't tell me, and you didn't trust me. Of course that's going to sting. But I can't be angry about your intentions or your reasoning. You did it for Konoha...I can understand that." I sighed, latching onto his hesitantly-offered arm as we proceeded to walk to his place. "Besides, Lady Tsunade agreed with you…and if you both thought it was for the best, then there's nothing more I can say about it."

"I'm sensing a 'but.'"

"_But_ you didn't have the right to decide that I couldn't handle news about his return. Not by yourself, not with Kakashi, not with anyone. If you _ever_ make a decision for me again, I won't stick around long enough to hear you explain. We clear?"

"Crystal…and Sakura, I truly am sorry."

I gave him a weary smile. "I know, I just wish you would have a little more faith in me."

"I have endless amounts of faith in you…but," he added, gently squeezing my arm, "I'll make it a point to show it better. You are the most important person to me. I didn't want to hurt you, but I know I've done just that. I hope you believe me when I say I promise to do better." Shikamaru spoke with such sincerity that I was left with no choice but to trust him. He understood what he had done wrong, just as I understood the reasoning behind his decisions.

"It's alright, I forgive you," I told him eventually.

"Thanks. And Sakura?"

"What?"

"If it's not to much for me to say, you know you look_ incredibly_ sexy when you get all fired up like that."

I yanked my arm away from his in an instant, although naturally I couldn't keep the blush off my face. "You're insufferable," I told him, though I couldn't help but appreciate what he was trying to do. We had, after all, just had a very serious discussion, and it would do us both some good to ease the awkwardness and keep us from ruining the rest of our evening.

"I've been called worse," Shikamaru laughed hesitantly, still trying to lighten the mood. "So are you going to tell me what happened with Sasuke? Or is that classified under the '_none of your business'_ clause of our contract?"

I raised my eyebrow. "I didn't know we had a contract."

"It's more like a survival guide," he explained solemnly, taking my hand back into his arm. "A set of unwritten rules and guidelines to ensure I don't evoke your wrath and get myself killed or dumped. Feel free to make your own if you like."

I ignored his smirk.

"And what's rule number one?"

"Don't make Sakura's decisions for her, of course."

I blinked in amazement. "You are such a smartass," I laughed, shaking my head in wonder. It was incredible to me how most people could never peg Shikamaru as childish.

Lazy? Without a doubt.

Cunning? Unquestionable.

But juvenile? Now _that _was a face he rarely showed.

"I'm glad we can agree now…about Sasuke, I mean." He left the question hanging, patiently waiting to see if I would tell him about my encounter with the Uchiha, or if I would push him away. Needless to say, I decided to be honest.

"Well, you can probably guess it wasn't the most welcoming of reunions."

"I didn't think it would be."

"I guess I should start at the beginning then…"

For the rest of the walk, I told Shikamaru everything that had happened with Sasuke. He didn't interrupt me the entire time, just patiently listened as I explained the arguing, the snake, and eventually the threats. By the time I finished, we were inside his apartment and I had already begun chopping vegetables.

"—and then I kicked him out," I finished with a slice of the cutting knife.

"You really dealt with him like that?" he asked in amazement. I tried not to look too deeply, but I could have sworn I saw pride shining in his eyes.

"Yeah, but it didn't exactly stop him from threatening my experiment…what do you think he'll do?"

"Hard to say," he mused, coming up from behind me and grabbing the pot I was having difficulty reaching. "There are a number of possibilities, but nothing we can't fight him on. If we were at an earlier stage in the project I'd be more concerned, but considering the ground you've made and how far we've gotten with the tests, I doubt the Elders will drop your research so easily."

"But at what cost?" I wondered aloud bitterly.

"That," Shikamaru said, kissing me on the forehead, "we will discover together. What really interests me is the snake…Níõhöggr? Was that its name?"

"Well, yeah…but the snake's not that much of a surprise, is it? I mean, he's summoned snakes before – could you hand me the beef? Thanks – but maybe Sasuke just got lonely and kept it for company."

"I doubt that. Sasuke doesn't do anything without a purpose, and a summon's only purpose is for battle or espionage."

"He was probably just using it to find my research," I shrugged. Although I said it, I wasn't really convinced, and from the look of it, neither was Shikamaru.

"Then why keep it after its purpose was fulfilled? You said he left _with_ the snake."

"I don't know, maybe he's not done with it. Do you really think I have a better understanding of what goes on in that man's head than you do?" I lifted the lid off the pot, the water almost at the point of boiling. Turning around, I scanned Shikamaru's cupboards in search of a frying pan. Spotting one, I set it onto the stove and oiled it up before dumping the freshly-cubed beef onto it. Within a few minutes, in which our conversation had settled into a comfortable silence, the aroma of searing meat filled the room. I inhaled deeply with a smile.

"I must admit, your choice of dinner surprises me."

I glanced up from the pan to look at him curiously. "How so?" I asked, just as I tossed in the diced vegetables to join the meat, along with a little seasoning. The new aromas spiced the air with its acidic fragrance.

"Well," he began, gesturing to the noodles I'd set aside, "I would have expected ramen for dinner had I been eating with Naruto – the guy practically lives off the stuff – but I didn't realize you enjoyed it just as much." I furrowed my brow in confusion before looking back at what I had been making. Understanding dawned on me immediately and I deadpanned with embarrassment.

"How stupid would it sound if I told you I didn't even realize I was making ramen…?"

He stared at me blankly before snickering. "How did you not know what you were cooking?"

I sighed sheepishly, shoulders hunching with mortification. "Naruto has a habit of invading my place whenever he feels I've been neglecting him. I guess I just got in the habit of cooking ramen for him whenever he stopped by… I guess since we were busy talking my brain just went into autopilot…"

He chuckled, clearly amused. "Sounds like he visits often."

"Actually I've barely seen him in the past few months. Ever since he started dating Hinata, he stopped dropping by as much."

"Do you miss it?"

"In all honesty, with all the work we've been doing, I've barely noticed…now that I think about it though, I think I have. I mean, here I am making ramen of all things," I laughed. "Stupid, isn't it?"

"Not stupid," Shikamaru disagreed. "After all, he's family."

Though I didn't answer, I knew he was right. Naruto, Kakashi, Lady Tsunade, even Ino – all of them held such an important part in my life. They really _were_ my family, now more than ever.

With that thought, I checked the pot, noting the boiling water and quickly adding the noodles and broth mix, just like I had done countless times before. "Dinner should be ready in a few minutes if you want to set the table."

"Sure."

That decided, I turned back to the stovetop for a while, checking the thickness of the noodles and feeling the firmness with my fingers a few times before eventually deciding they were done. I added the meat and vegetables, stirring to combine them and taking another deep breath. The tang of the soya sauce mixed with the onions, beef, and vegetables was mouthwatering. Licking my lips with satisfaction, I ladled up two portions into their proper bowls before placing them on the dining table and sitting down.

"Smells great."

"Thanks," I smiled. "It may not measure up to Ichiraku's, but so far this has gotten the green stamp of approval from Naruto, which is good enough for me." I took a sip to taste, the light warmth of the broth seeping through my body like a gentle caress.

Shikamaru cleared his throat. "Well, since we are on the subject of Naruto, I think it's best we tell him about us sooner rather than later."

"I know…" I groaned. "With Sasuke in the picture now, there isn't really much choice. I'll find him tomorrow and break the news."

"I can go with you," he offered between a sip of soup.

I shook my head. "That's nice and all, but if you're there he might just direct all his feelings at you and come to some very wrong conclusions. It's better if I go alone. He'll be more likely to accept it faster."

"Alright, if you think that's best."

We spent the rest of our meal in silence, just enjoying the comfort of food and one another's company. When we were finished, Shikamaru gathered the dishes for washing as I packed up the leftovers. The room was filled with the clinking dishes and the ping of water hitting ceramic. I took a moment to mull over what I wanted to say next. With dinner about to wrap up, I didn't know where to go from here. We finally seemed to be in a comfortable groove now, and I didn't want to ruin it. I gnawed on the inside of my lip.

"So," I began nervously, "what happens now?"

"With us, you mean?"

"Well…yeah. I mean, do we call it a night, or do you want to go over those test results from this morning?" At his look, I blushed and sputtered, "What? Don't think I didn't notice! You never gave them back to me!"

"Yeah, and I'm not going to be giving them back now," he deadpanned, handing me the dripping wet pot. "Like hell I'm ending this date with a study session. I've got a standard to uphold, you know."

"A date? Really?" I gaffed. "I'm here to settle a bet, nothing more." I tried to ignore the nervous butterflies fluttering in my stomach, but Shikamaru gave me a knowing stare. "And besides," I huffed, "what standard is that? Do you make a habit of winning dates with women you beat during battle? If so, that's rather tasteless."

"Not really," Shikamaru shrugged, "considering I'm usually the one to lose most of those battles." I winced slightly, moving carefully as I put away the newly-dried soup bowls.

"So I'm not the first, huh?" My insecurity must have tipped off in that moment, because he immediately hugged me from behind.

"I was joking, Sakura. I've never challenged another woman for a date, other than you."

"But you _have _dated other women."

"Well, yes."

"It is too forward of me to ask how many?"

"Is that really an answer you want to know?" he probed gently.

"Honestly, probably not…" I blew out a breath, hunching my shoulders slightly as I reached for the soapy spoon. "But at the same time I know I'll always wonder. I know everyone needs their secrets, but I also don't want to get blindsided on certain things. I want us to have an open relationship. No baggage – don't give me that look, you know what I mean – I just…" I waved the spoon, droplets of water flinging in all directions, "I just want something real, something stable. Trust, you know?"

"I know," he agreed softly. "I'd like that too."

"So then," I hedged somewhat awkwardly, "maybe we can spend tonight talking? Figure ourselves out, and see how we are together? So much seems to have happened but it's only been a day."

"C'mon then," Shikamaru directed me, taking the dishtowel out of my hands and tossing it on the counter. "You go and get comfortable on the couch. I'll grab us some drinks and we can talk all night if you like."

"Thank you," I told him sincerely. He kissed me on the head before shooing me out.

"Don't mention it."

His apartment, like mine, was suited for one. However, while mine had an arrangement of magazines, papers, chemistry equipment, and photos decorating each room in their own dysfunctional way, Shikamaru lived much more simply. His walls were a warm walnut brown with a plush forest green carpet. A simple black sofa and armchair set were settled against one wall, a glass coffee table between them. A bookshelf rested against another wall with an assortment of tomes detailing fighting techniques, strategy books, and the occasional light novel. I even saw a few new medical texts labeled _Brain Chemistry and Chakra_, no doubt collected for the sake of our experiments. There were no pictures of his family or friends on the walls, and nothing was out of place. Not a single speck of dust rested upon any surface, as far as I could see.

I remember the shock I felt when I had first walked into Shikamaru's place. It seemed so empty to me, almost vacant. But over time I'd learned the small charms the place held, how it reflected Shikamaru's desire to escape from the world's complications. In a way, it had become a refuge to me as well, at least it felt that way on the few occasions I had been invited over to share a drink. Of course, that was before he and I—

"Sorry for the wait," Shikamaru apologized as he walked into the room, pulling me out of my reverie.

I smiled at him from my spot on the couch. "No problem. I was just thinking about how this place never changes."

He shrugged, placing the two porcelain Guinomi cups on the table before unscrewing the bottle of sake. "I can't be bothered to redecorate. Besides, I like it this way. Here," he handed me a glass.

I let the mixed scent of watermelon, strawberries, banana, and vanilla waft into my nose and smiled knowingly. "Hakushika Sennenju, right?"

Shikamaru grinned in appreciation. "You know your alcohol."

"Yeah, well, you don't study under Lady Tsunade for over three years and not learn the difference between low and high grade sake." With a smirk, I took a small sip of the alcohol, savoring the subtle explosion of flavor as it slowly dissolved with a quiet, yet dramatic flair. I hummed as the smooth burn in my throat developed into a warm glow in my stomach, before looking back up at him, albeit a bit awkwardly. "So…shall we begin?"

"Sure, why not? Is it safe to say the 'no judgment' clause applies?"

I rolled my eyes,. "Obviously."

"Okay then, go ahead. You start."

"Alright," I cleared my throat nervously, clenching my cup a little tighter. "How many?"

"You're going to have to be a bit more specific," he chuckled, knowing exactly what I was referring to, "because if you mean 'anyone I've taken out for a cup a coffee,' we're going to be here a while."

"Fair enough…"

I bit my lip and tossed the words in my head for a moment, second-guessing my question. Did I _really_ want to know, after all? I knew Shikamaru had a history of his own, but I still wasn't sure if I wanted to know every detail of it. What was the better option: knowing or not knowing? I looked at him, sitting patiently beside me. With the personification of perfect ease, he lounged as if he hadn't a care in the world. It was almost too perfect, too relaxed, as if he was overcompensating for the panic that quirked just behind his eyes. I watched as his fingers traced lazy patterns into the base of his cup, the slight tightness of his jawline. Seeing that he was just as nervous as me somehow gave me the burst of courage I needed.

"Anyone involving three or more dates, and/or anyone you've slept with."

"Ah, we're just going to dive right on in…alright." He took a long sip of his sake, perhaps biding his time before answering such a personal question. He let out a slow, controlled breath, and I could smell the essence of sake like a light perfume. "Well, Temari was the only one I was in any kind of serious relationship with, which you already know. After that, nothing went past the first date, really."

"So the only woman you've ever slept with is Temari?" I practically sighed with relief as I said it. For a moment I was worried that the number would be a lot higher.

"Well…not exactly," he answered slowly, his fingers tightening around the base of his cup, effectively turning his knuckles white before he took another long drag. I noticed he couldn't quite meet my eyes, and my stomach clenched. "If you're looking at pure sex, then yeah, there have been a few others. Most of them were one-nighters involving ANBU."

"Do I sense a fetish?" I joked lightly, trying to play off the panic bubbling beneath the surface. Of course I knew about one-night stands. Despite what others thought of me, I wasn't unfamiliar with its allure, and while I knew many shinobi like Kiba preferred them to actual relationships, I never realized Shikamaru was in the same boat. I felt myself looking down into the cup I was holding, my gaze fixated on the ripples pulsing through the liquid. And all with ANBU women…was there something about their power that captivated him? The danger? Could I even compete with women like them? Before I could wallow in any darker thoughts, Shikamaru pulled me out of my musings with a nervous chuckle.

"I thought we agreed no judgment?"

My muscles tightened. "I'm not judging…" I tried making my voice lighter, more playful. I was desperate to mask the turmoil brewing inside of me, so instead I smiled brightly. "But I am curious, what is it about the women from ANBU that gets you all hot and bothered?"

Shikamaru's shoulders slumped slightly in – was it relief? – before rolling his eyes. "It wasn't like that. It's just, after Temari…" he paused with more anxious chuckling, another long sip of sake, skin paling into a bone white, "I needed a way to avoid my feelings. I was angry, hurt, and I didn't really know how to deal with it properly. I started taking up missions, anything that would get me out of the village and take my mind off things. I can't say much else, since most of the details are classified, but some of these missions required a more…delicate approach to interrogation—"

"You mean sex," I whispered, hardly believing it myself.

"Yeah," he sighed, and his eyes took on a glazed, faraway look, as if he was reliving the details he couldn't bring himself to say out loud. "But I have to admit, there were other times when it happened with the women I was partnered with. When you're on those kinds of missions – S-ranked missions, I mean – the danger, the stress, it can be overwhelming. Terrifying even, though I'm sure you understand that. One mistake can cost you your life, as well as the lives of everyone in your unit. What we did was more to relieve the stress than anything else. A distraction." He blinked and shook his head once as if shaking himself out of a memory. "But don't worry, after a few of those missions, I knew I couldn't take it anymore. So I stopped. I've been with a few others since then, but none of it really meant anything – nothing personal, anyway. It wasn't exactly my brightest moment. It was stupid of me to think that taking up those kinds of missions would somehow make me feel better, as if more pain could actually heal any wounds. But anyway, it was a long time ago."

"I had no idea," I whispered, shocked by the news. I couldn't imagine the type of mindset he would've had to been in, to take up those kinds of missions. I clenched my eyes shut, bowing my head. I knew the damage those kinds of missions did to the mental stability of shinobi. I'd seen it first hand in the hospital wing. Cold. Unfeeling. Completely detached from all human companionship. Take enough of those missions and eventually the façade becomes the reality. It hurt to know that Shikamaru had willingly subjected himself to that kind of torture. But what really killed me was the shame I felt, knowing I hadn't even noticed what he was going through.

"Listen," he murmured, tucking flyaway strands of rose-colored hair behind my ear, "not even Ino knew. Don't beat yourself up about it."

But how could I not? Shikamaru and Temari had broken up just after Sasuke left on his redemption mission. At the time I was still dealing with the pain of being left behind, with the aftermath of the war, with my parents…I had pretty much buried myself in work 24/7. I had shut myself off from everyone because I couldn't face my own pain, and in doing so I had made myself blind to everyone else's. I never even noticed Shikamaru leaving the village so often. I had no idea about the pain he was living with. At the moment when he needed a friend most of all, I wasn't there for him. My breath hitched at the thought of what could have happened, had he not been smart enough to get out before the damage started to become more permanent.

"I'm sorry," I choked out. I hated myself for not being able to say anything more.

"Don't be. You were dealing with quite a bit yourself. More sake?"

"Please," I agreed, offering my cup to him. There was so much I wanted to ask him, so much I wanted clarity on. How many women – missions – were there? What did he feel? What was it that gave him the ability to leave? And of course, why did he never go to anyone? All of these were questions I wanted answers to, but they were questions I couldn't bring myself to ask. I knew what it was like to rip up old wounds, to be constantly drawn back into the darkness inside your own head. I could see that darkness in Shikamaru's eyes now as he tried to push back each memory flashing before him. I had no idea how much pain his break up had caused him, but sitting here now, I knew I didn't want to cause that pain myself. Taking his hand in mine, I asked him the only question I could bring myself to speak.

"If it's not too much…why did you two break up?" He tightened his lips and for a second, I feared I had asked the wrong question, but a second later I felt the squeeze of his hand.

"Just normal 'couple' reasons I guess. I mean, the distance wasn't exactly ideal and neither of us were willing to leave, for obvious reasons. We had duties that neither of us were willing to compromise on, at least not at the time. Although if I'm being honest, the real kicker was that she didn't want children… Of course, there were other, smaller things too, but in the end it came down to duty. As the future leader of my clan, I'm expected to marry and have children to continue the line; it's one of the few things I don't get a choice on. Not that I don't actually _want _children," he hurriedly added. "Actually I always liked the idea of being a father. It's something I look forward to, you know?"

"I get it. Some things you should never have to compromise on." I gave his hand another light squeeze, which he responded in turn.

"So is it my turn yet?" he joked after clearing his throat, an obvious attempt to brush off the attention. "Or do you have more uncomfortable questions for me to answer?"

"Go, go!" I smiled, forcing a small laugh in hopes of lightening the mood. Taking another sip of my drink to hide my guilt, I could feel the alcohol glowing warmly in my stomach, not quite making me tipsy, but definitely loosening me up.

"Alright," he said, eyeing me carefully. "What's your favorite season?" It took me a moment to understand what he had just asked.

"Seriously?" I teased, a lot more genuinely this time. "I just got you to spill some pretty private information, and you want to ask me about seasons?"

"Not all of us go straight for the throat, you know."

"Well, it's winter."

"Really?" He seemed surprised.

"Yeah, I love the snow and seeing everything kind of go…still, you know? And that feeling of curling up in a warm blanket with a hot drink and a good book…it's one of my favorite things." I wrapped my arms around myself, as if I could just feel the chill. "Some of my favorite memories are of me as a kid, playing hide-and-seek with my parents. They'd teach me how to hide my tracks, how to blend in…I guess those were my first lessons on how to be a ninja." I shrugged like it was nothing big, but really they were some of my most precious memories as a child, and I could feel the nostalgia of those times slowly starting to take over, leading me to say more.

"This was back before I had joined the academy. At first I didn't know if I could do it. I was so scared of people, and I was so insecure because I had no one to talk to. Playing those games with my parents was the first thing that made me consider being a ninja. I wanted it so badly that I just buried myself in as many books about it as I could find."

"So you were a bookworm even then?" Shikamaru grinned, and I chuckled along with him.

"Well, we can't all be part of a prestigious clan like _some people_ I won't mention," I teased. "My parents and books were the only things I had to go off of. I remember just sitting down for hours practicing what I'd read. My dad would help me make an army of enemy snowmen to help me practice aiming my shuriken, then my mom would come out with steaming mugs of hot chocolate. The winter always makes me feel closer to them," I finished softly, but with a faraway smile tracing my lips.

"You loved your parents." It wasn't a question. I leaned into Shikamaru.

"I didn't always show it. We argued constantly, especially as I got older."

"Well, I'm sure they'd be proud if they could see the kind of woman you've become."

"Yeah…I just wish I had valued them more," I whispered ruefully. I took another drink to mask the lump in my throat, as if the burn of the alcohol could burn away the heaviness in my chest.

"I'm sorry," I apologized sheepishly. "I didn't mean to turn it all dark and gloomy. We can talk about something else if you want."

"It doesn't bother me," he reassured gently. "When Asuma died, I couldn't even go to the funeral afterwards. It took my old man an entire evening, pushing my buttons to get me to face up to what I was feeling. If you need to talk about it, I'm always here to listen."

"Thank you," I told him sincerely, rocking back in my seat and looking up towards the ceiling. "It's just, looking back, I know I took them for granted. It never even occurred to me that they wouldn't be around someday. When the war ended, it took them with it. I wasn't even able to find their bodies. I was never able to put them to rest properly…"

"Hey," Shikamaru whispered, pulling me tightly against him. "That's not your fault. Ino told me how you searched the battlefield for days."

"I know, I just wish I could have at least done that for them," I sighed sadly and paused, thinking over my next words before saying them slowly. "You once said that you felt responsible for Asuma's death. Do you still feel that way now?"

A heavy pause settled between us as Shikamaru contemplated my question. "I think," he began slowly, studying me carefully, "there will always be a side of myself that thinks I could have done more. But I've learned to come to peace with my feelings and live in a way that does his memory honor."

"I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I'm dishonoring my parents' memories," I whispered guiltily, curling in on myself. "I can't look at any photos without crying, so I hide them in a box under my bed like a child."

He stroked my hair with a tender caress. I could feel his concern for me radiating under his every touch.

"Do you visit them?" he asked me gently, but I only smiled sadly in response.

"Naruto makes sure I visit them once a year, and has me talk to them."

"Does it help?"

"It didn't right away. The first time he took me to the battlefield site, I broke down. Couldn't form a single word. The second time wasn't much better, but at least I refrained from crying the entire time."

"The battlefield?" he asked, surprised.

"That's where they are," I told him. "I can't go to the cemetery and talk to them, I was never even able to cremate them. I can't feel anything but anger there. So once a year Naruto takes me to the place they died. It's the only place I can feel something." I shook my head, trying to shake away the images of scorched earth and the smell of decay. I could feel myself being dragged back towards their graves, along with the dull ache of loneliness that came with it. It was not a place I wanted to be any longer.

"Sorry," I apologized weakly. "I didn't mean to get so into this. If you don't mind, I'd really like to change the subject."

"Of course," he agreed, rubbing the back of his head, although it seemed like he wanted to say more. "I suppose it's your turn now."

"Alright," I hummed, wiggling closer into Shikamaru's arms to get more comfortable. "What made you want to become a ninja? You know, outside of family influence."

"Do you even know what simple questions are?" he snorted.

"That _is _simple," I defended, "and excuse me for being curious."

"What's there to be curious about?"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, I don't know, how about why the laziest kid in existence, the one who used to think that putting pen to paper was, and I quote, 'such a drag,' decided one day that he wanted to train for one of the hardest jobs in the world. Forgive me for wondering exactly what was going through your head at the time. I mean it can't have been all your family's doing."

"…Your sarcasm is unnecessary."

"I disagree."

"Such a pain," he droned, although I could hear the love in it. "Fine, if you must know, I only joined because I thought it would mean I could do whatever I wanted."

I tilted my head up to look at him, certain he was pulling my leg. "You're joking, right?" I snickered. When he just raised his eyebrow at me I couldn't stop the laughter that followed. "Oh my god, you're serious."

"It's really not that funny," he said dryly, but I just laughed harder.

"I can't believe you thought it would be _easy_!" I chortled, having to eventually dab at the corners of my eyes to wipe away tears. "Okay, okay, you have to tell me," I continued, wiggling my eyebrows at him, "how's that decision been working out for you so far?"

Rather than answer me, Shikamaru just shook his head in slow wonderment. "How you can go from emotionally compromised to laughing like some sleep deprived child in a matter of seconds is beyond me."

"It's probably because I _am_ sleep deprived," I shot back, albeit more in control of myself this time.

"Fair enough," he conceded, eyeing me curiously. "Speaking of sleep, is that something you want to be doing soon?"

"Is that you hinting at me to get out of your house?"

"Sakura, if I really wanted you to leave, I'd simply tell you to get out."

"Fair enough," I shot back at him, raising my glass in agreement. "So then, why don't you stop beating around the bush and start asking the questions you really want answers to."

"And what exactly are those?" Shikamaru asked dully as he started to trace distorted patterns into my scalp. I hummed with satisfaction, enjoying the slight tingling his fingers ignited along my skin.

"What, you mean you aren't curious about how many guys I've been with?" I exclaimed, dramatically covering my mouth with my free hand. "I'm shocked."

"You don't need to do that you know," Shikamaru's laugh was uncomfortable as he continued to stroke my hair.

"Do what?"

"Pretend."

"I don't understand what you mean."

He sighed long and hard before putting his drink down. My heart quickened slightly at the sight of pain in his eyes. Did I say something wrong?

"Sakura...I know you only loved Sasuke, and I know the kind of devotion and loyalty you dedicate to those you love. Please," he pleaded, his voice aching with distress, "you don't need to fake a past to make me feel better about mine."

I drew back from him, twisting my body to see his face better. His hand fell away from my hair, resting with a phantom lightness upon my hip. With firm fingers, I grasped his fallen hand with mine and brought it to my cheek.

"You have no reason to be ashamed of your past relationships," I told him firmly. "I understand, more than you know, how loneliness and heartbreak can lead you to do things you otherwise never would have."

Shikamaru sighed, pulling away and shaking his head before I could even finish. "As much as I appreciate what you're saying, you _don't _know. Don't misunderstand—" he jumped in, quick to stop my expression of outrage. "I'm not saying you haven't felt anything less painful with Sasuke as I did with Temari. I know that what you went through changed you, that it continues to change you. But…" He cast his eyes away, not able to look at me head on. His face pinched as he tried to say the words burning on his tongue. "You didn't break from that pain like I did. You rose above it, made yourself stronger, better. I…I allowed myself to wallow in my own self-hatred. I let it change me for the worse."

Covering his face with his left hand, I watched in silence as he opened himself up to me in a way he hadn't before. This wasn't like earlier, when he was simply trying to get out all the facts needed before leaving it to rest. At this moment, he was leaving himself exposed in a way he usually avoided. "Sakura, you just don't know. I went to a really dark place after I destroyed things with Temari."

"What do you mean 'destroyed'? You said you broke up on mutual grounds."

"I wasn't being entirely honest. It _was _a mutual break up, but it only got to that point because I pushed her into it." I shook my head, confused. Noting my puzzlement, Shikamaru elaborated. "Instead of visiting her more often, I avoided her. I even refused her offers to come by more often." He rolled his shoulders; dropping his hand from his face and beginning to knead his knee with force, voice bleak. "Instead of trying to bridge the gaps forming between us, I just made the distance larger. I spurred on her anger. I loved her, yet I couldn't help myself from destroying everything we had together. After I had pushed her out of my life, I felt ashamed of myself. I felt…undeserving of any real affection. How could I deserve it when I had just thrown it away?"

"Is that why you started taking on those missions?" I asked quietly, the dots starting to connect in my head. He nodded.

"I started to self-destruct. Strategically, it made more sense to take enemies down with me, rather than my friends. I took on the seduction missions out of some twisted need for companionship…as well as oblivion." Shikamaru shifted, moving out from under me so that we were no longer touching. I felt the space between us widen with a certain awareness that pained me. "I justified my cruelty by telling myself that those women were enemies."

"And the ANBU women?" I whispered. He shook his head, refusing to answer.

I looked down at my hands, allowing his words to sink in while repeatedly twisting my fingers into knots. To say his confession was a shock to me would be an understatement. While I knew how clinical and strategic Shikamaru's mind could be, I never would have imagined he'd direct it towards those he loved. It scared me in some ways. What if he did the same thing with us? I held my hands over my rapidly beating heart. If something went wrong, would he pull away from me like he had with Temari?

No. No, he wouldn't. I understood what it was like to hate yourself over past wrongs. Looking at Shikamaru now, I would have to be blind not to see the regret coursing through him. It was obvious. The hatred he felt towards himself was un-disguisable. He had made a mistake, he knew that. But so had I, on many accounts, in my past. If he really hadn't changed and adapted from those mistakes, he wouldn't be telling me this now. After everything I'd been through myself, how could I not understand this? My heart bled at seeing him face those same demons. I clenched my fingers, the nails biting into the skin of my palm, implanting shallow impressions into my flesh. It was time for me to tell him.

"You're wrong," I told him gently, stroking the line of his jaw with my outstretched hand, hoping to coax him back to me. "You're not the only one that used others to find some release for yourself. I know what kind of hollowness builds inside of you. It's like a cancer."

"Sakura—"

"No, please," I interrupted, "let me finish. You're not the only one who's broken under that kind of weight. And while I'm not trying to minimalize anything you're feeling or have felt, you need to know that I understand what this feels like. In fact, I've done it myself." He turned back towards me, his eyes rounding with disbelief.

"I wasn't joking when I mentioned other men," I smiled sadly.

"I-I don't understand."

"While I can't claim to have experienced everything you did on those missions or during your break up with Temari, I _have_ experienced one-night stands and the stinging regret that comes afterwards." I took a collective breath, preparing myself for the story I was sure to tell.

"You've had…one-night stands?" Shikamaru asked in disbelief. I shrugged nonchalantly, masking my awkwardness.

"I'm not quite as innocent as the pink hair suggests, you know."

"Sakura, I…" I watched as he sat there, struggling for words.

"I've never told anyone this before, not even Ino."

"You don't have to now," he tried to reassure me, but I could feel him moving closer, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"It was about a year and a half ago," I started off, the memories of that night beginning to flood back one at a time. "It was almost Christmas and Ino wanted to celebrate with everyone."

"When is Ino _not _looking for a good reason to party?"

I smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood. "Fair enough. She managed to convince me to come even though I told her I wasn't in the mood."

Much like Shikamaru described himself, I too at the time was in a very dark place. I missed my parents and felt sorry for myself. I had spent almost every waking hour at the hospital simply as a distraction. Ino, though, realizing her usual tricks weren't going to work that time, managed to convince Naruto to help her out, to get me to join them. When I arrived, I felt so out of place. I wanted to leave, but Ino insisted I stay at least an hour. Naruto agreed I should at least try to make an effort. So I stayed, spending most of the first hour downing as much alcohol as I could.

"Eventually, the music and lights started to work their magic, and as I drank more I started to loosen up. I sang karaoke with everyone and actually had a genuinely good time. I ran into a lot of old friends I hadn't seen in a long time, and got to talking." I shifted in my seat, Shikamaru's eyes following my movements in calculating silence.

"Rock Lee was one of them," I muttered, eyeing him curiously. At first he didn't react, as if he was waiting for more, but when he realized what I was implying, his reaction was almost explosive.

"Rock Lee? You slept with Rock Lee!?"

"Hey!" I shouted in defense. "I'll have you know that he is a very kind and gen—"

"Forgive me, but I really don't want to know how _generous_ of a lover he is," he choked out, aghast. I snickered lightly, though I could feel the burn in my cheeks as they brightened.

"I was going to say _person_."

"Still don't want to hear it," he insisted. I watched with mild amusement as he got up from his seat and proceeded to pace back and forth, all the while mumbling words too low for me to hear under his breath.

"Are you going to sit back down?" I asked after a few moments of this.

"I just – Rock Lee?" he asked. "Seriously?" I patted the seat beside me and waited for him to sit down before I elaborated.

"I was lonely," I told him, "everyone seemed to have someone and Lee was, well, Lee. We were both seriously drunk, and he was being so sweet and I just…well, we just…things just got a little carried away." I bit my lip and started fiddling with my fingers and pulling at my dress. It was a bit more than that, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him how much Lee's attentions affected me. It wasn't just the flirting, but the sincerity he showed when trying to talk and listen to me. It made me feel nice, wanted, even if it _was_ Lee doing the wanting. "Everyone else was so wrapped up in the festivities that no one even noticed us leaving together. We got back to my place, had a bit more to drink, then all of a sudden… Well, one thing led to another and I woke up in the morning with a killer headache and a very naked Lee in my bed."

"So he seduced you while you were drunk?" Shikamaru's voice was dangerous, his fists white at his sides as every muscle in his body became tight. My eyes widened and I quickly reassured him otherwise.

"_No_, of course not! When he woke up he was just as embarrassed as I was. Even more so, probably! I had to hit him in order to get him to stop apologizing." He narrowed his eyes, but I could see his body loosen slightly, and exhaled with relief. "Look, we both had way too much to drink, so really it was both of our faults. We promised each other we'd never speak of it again, and so far he never has."

"You're not just saying that to protect him?"

"Of course not!" I laughed shakily. "I mean, you know Lee, he's not that kind of guy." Shikamaru nodded, the last bits of tension finally easing as he slumped back into his seat.

"You're right," he sighed, closing his eyes. "Sorry, of course he would never do that. I don't know what came over me."

"It's okay," I reassured him, gently patting his knee. "It's a lot to take in. It was for me and _I_ was the one involved." Shikamaru froze, cracking one eye open to look at me with disbelief.

"Please tell me you did not just make a sex pun…" I blinked, shocked.

"Of course not!" I screeched, my cheeks reddening as I sputtered with embarrassment. "How dare you!"

"Sorry," he chuckled, yanking me into his chest and burying his face in my neck. "Couldn't resist."

"You should really gain some more self control," I grumbled, halfheartedly trying to push him away. He refused to let me budge an inch.

"I'm not the one who jumped—"

"Whatever happened to not judging each other!"

"Sorry." I narrowed my eyes. He totally wasn't. Oh well, I thought, snuggling deeper into his arms. I breathed in his scent and smiled happily. I knew he was just trying to make me feel better; I couldn't fault him for that.

"So, now that you know my secret, do you understand? You have no reason to feel ashamed. Doing those missions…sleeping with all those women…it doesn't make you a bad person any more than my sleeping with Lee made _me_ a bad person. Those things happened in the past, and while they are a part of us, they don't define us. And you know, I love you." I smiled up at him. "All of you."

"I love you too," he murmured, squeezing me tighter.

For the rest of the night we continued to talk. Some of the things we discussed were light and innocent: childhood memories, comparing embarrassing moments between our teammates, what have you. Others were more serious. We talked about how our personal and professional relationships were to be balanced, and discussed things like secrets and work. It was a hard line to balance on, considering our profession, but we agreed to be as open and honest to each other as we could, while still staying faithful to our positions. It was nice to get everything out into the open. It made me happy to see Shikamaru being so open with me about everything, and I felt, at the end of it, that we were in a much more comfortable place together as a couple. It gave me hope that we could make this work, despite Sasuke now being a part of our world again. By the time we were too exhausted to continue talking, it was almost three in the morning.

"I should really get you to bed," Shikamaru laughed. I could barely keep my eyes open at this point, so I just hummed in agreement. There was an awkward pause as silence filled the room. I cracked open one eye, only to see him staring at me oddly.

"Is s-something wrong?" I yawned, pushing myself up into a sitting position.

"No…well, actually…" I raised an eyebrow and waited for him to find the right words. He sputtered slightly, his cheeks darkening with a slight blush.

"Man, this is such a pain…" he trailed off, clearing his throat.

"I'm sorry?" I asked, confused.

He smiled apologetically. "Not you," he explained. "Just…god I'll just say it, but would you like to stay the night?" His blush deepened as he asked it, and my mouth fell open, momentarily woken up out of shock.

"W-what?"

"You can have my bed, and I'll sleep on the couch," he continued to explain, his words tumbling out clumsily. "It's late, and I don't want to see you walking home this tired, that's all. What do you think? I-if you're not comfortable with that, I can walk you home."

My eyes fell to the ground as my heart quickened to a full-on sprint. Was he serious?

"Sakura?" he cleared his throat.

"Um—" I sputtered, not sure how to respond. Was this okay? I tried to grab my bearings. The idea, while a tad frightening, wasn't all together bad. A flutter of nervous anticipation gathered in my stomach as I smiled at the idea. Biting my lip, I nodded my head. "T-thank you…I appreciate your offer." I didn't look up to see his reaction. I was too nervous to meet his gaze.

"Would you like to borrow a shirt of mine?" he offered. I could hear the smile in his voice, which made me light up. "As pretty as that dress looks, I doubt it will be very comfortable to sleep in."

"Sure, thanks."

"No problem. Just wait here a sec, I'll grab it."

Standing from the floor with deer-like grace, he grabbed the two empty cups and the now-empty bottle of sake before first heading to the kitchen, then to his room. I remained perched on his couch, waiting. More and more butterflies fluttered in my stomach as each second ticked by. Was this going too fast? But then, it's not like this wasn't the first time I had crashed at his place. Other times, when we had spent the night drinking with friends, I had slept on his couch with Ino on the floor, but this time was clearly different. _We_ were different. Right?

I ran my hands through my hair and along my face. Was I overthinking it, I wondered? It was just sleep after all, and he did offer to sleep on the couch. I hunched my shoulders. A small part of me was disappointed that he didn't want to share a bed instead.

I stood up, beginning to pace the room. Would it really be so bad if we slept in the same bed? Would he even agree to it? I gnawed on my lower lip, wondering if I would have the courage to ask him. By the time Shikamaru had made it back, I was already seated again on the couch, all signs of my internal battle hidden out of sight. He stood in front of me and held out a simple black cotton shirt.

"It's the best I could do." Timidly, I reached out to grab the fabric from him.

"Thanks," I said again, standing from the couch. With silent grace, I headed to the bathroom to change. After closing the door, I slipped off my red dress, letting it pool at my feet before pulling on Shikamaru's shirt. The fabric was cool and fell to my knees. With a quick glance at my reflection in the mirror, I realized he was right: I looked just about ready to fall over. I sighed. It had been a ridiculously long day, and tomorrow didn't look like it would be any easier. I smoothed down my hair, trying to make myself look more presentable as I prepared myself to face him. After collecting my clothes from the floor, I left the bathroom and stood outside Shikamaru's bedroom, my nervousness growing twice as strong.

Gathering every ounce of courage I had, I knocked three times.

"Come in."

I pushed open the door, then closed it behind me with a gentle click. The room was cast mostly in darkness, the only source of light coming from a single lamp on the bedside table. Shikamaru stood by the window in a pair of black fitted sweatpants, and to my embarrassment, wore no shirt against his lean torso. The golden brown expanse of his chest almost gleamed from the rays of moonlight streaming past the open window and onto his form. I turned away, hoping the shadows would hide my blush. Fidgeting with the clothes in my hand, I walked to his closet and placed them on the floor beside it.

"You know…you don't _have_ to sleep on the couch," I whispered nervously. I was unsure if he had even heard me at first, but from the way he froze in place, I knew that he had after all.

"It's not fair to make you give up your bed," I reasoned, my voice sounding a lot steadier than I felt on the inside. "I wouldn't mind."

"Are you sure that's what you want?" he asked, quietly walking towards me.

"Yes," I whispered, looking into the swirling depths of his brown eyes. He stood in front of me, searching my face for any signs of indecision. I reached out my hand and placed it on the center of his chest. His skin was so warm, almost feverish to the touch.

"I trust you."

Placing his hand over mine, he slowly pulled my body into his, placing a light, tender kiss on my forehead before softly caressing his lips against mine. I fell into him easily, my nerves melting away at the feeling of security. Without saying much else, we went to bed, each wrapped around the other in an intimate embrace. And for the first time, I fell asleep with the feeling of his hands gently caressing my hair.

It was the best night's sleep I ever had.

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Morning came faster than I would have liked, and not in the way I would have liked either. Instead of being awakened by the soft wisps of sunlight streaming in through the window like I had envisioned, or the lingering kisses of a lover like I've read in books, both Shikamaru and I were rudely awoken by the insistent and loud banging against the front door.

"Shikamaru! WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU LAZY SON OF A BITCH!"

I blinked, wiping the sleep from my eyes before glancing at the man next to me with a raised eyebrow, the shock of the situation removing all awkwardness I might have felt otherwise. "Why is Ino screaming at your door?"

He just glared at the ceiling as if contemplating a very serious and elaborate murder. "Fuck if I know."

"Are you going to get it?"

"No."

"She's going to keep at it until you do." As if to prove my point, the banging increased in both volume and veracity.

"_Shikamaru_!" Ino yelled. "I'm giving you to the count of ten, and if you don't answer this door by then I swear I'm breaking it down._ One_!"

"I'm going to kill her."

"_Two_!"

"She really will break down your door."

"THREE!"

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Shikamaru growled uncharacteristically, flinging off the covers and stomping towards the entrance.

"INO, IF YOU BREAK DOWN MY DOOR AGAIN I WILL HANG YOU BY YOUR OWN FUCKING HAIR!"

I snickered to myself. It pleased me to know I wasn't the only one being tortured by her insistent prying.

"Well, it's about time!" Ino shrieked. No doubt Shikamaru had opened the door. "Do you know what time it is? You need to get to the Hokage's office immediately!"

The Hokage? I immediately left the room, my mood all business, and headed to the entranceway to join them.

"What's happening?" I asked seriously as I rounded the corner.

"_Sakura_?" Ino gasped, her eyes popping at the sight of me. "W-what are you doing here? And in that shirt!" Blood drained from my face as I remembered exactly what I was wearing, and the implications they presented. Instinctively my hand flew to my hemline, as I suddenly felt almost naked to her critical eyes.

"Um—"

"Not the point right now, Ino," Shikamaru snapped before I could say anything in my defense. "What's going on? Why do I need to be at the Hokage's office?"

Ino sputtered, momentarily disabled by the shock at seeing me in Shikamaru's clothes this early in the morning, but after a moment she quickly recovered, suddenly very serious.

"It's Sasuke. He's back and he's stirring up trouble. The Hokage actually sent me to fetch Sakura, but when I couldn't find her I came to get you—"

I furrowed my brow and stopped her before she could continue. "What kind of trouble?"

She shook her head. "I can't say, I'm sorry. I just know that you two are to report to the Hokage as soon as possible."

"Fuck," Shikamaru swore under his breath, but turned to shoot me an apologetic smile. "So much for having a quiet morning."

"I'll get my clothes," I told him. I turned to head back to his room, and without much of a surprise, found that Ino had followed after me.

"You going to explain what you're doing here?"

"I don't have time for this, Ino." I closed the door behind us, tossing off the shirt while reaching for yesterday's dress.

"Make some."

"Rain check?" I pleaded. "I swear I'll tell you everything, just not now. I need to know what Sasuke's up to."

"You don't seem surprised at him being back," Ino accused, narrowing her eyes. With an almost predatory glee, she began to circle me like a vulture would its prey. My eye twitched as I avoided her penetrating gaze.

"Yeah, well, I saw him yesterday," I managed to mumble, scrambling to get out of the cage she seemed to have locked me in with her silent scrutiny.

"I hear the beginning of a story—"

"Later," I insisted. "I promise."

"First Shikamaru and now Sasuke. Sakura, that's two secrets too many."

"And I _swear_ I'll tell you everything if you just give me some time to take care of whatever bomb Sasuke's set."

Wiggling her figure at me, she moved closer. "Fine. But I better get every juicy detail!"

"Every last one," I promised gratefully, quickly making my way towards the door as I grabbed the rest of my stuff.

But just as I was about to turn the handle, she stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

"Congratulations, by the way…I'm happy for you."

I blushed, nodding my thanks sheepishly before exiting towards the living room. Upon arriving, I was surprised to see Shikamaru already fully dressed.

"How—"

"I keep a few spare sets of clothes in a duffle bag in case of emergencies. Shall we?"

Without asking any further, and somewhat amusedly, I nodded. "Of course."

"Then let's go. Ino, we're leaving! Stop rummaging through my stuff and get out of my house!"

Said girl walked out a second later, nose stuck in the air with a huff, but I could see the traces of her blush at being caught.

Shikamaru and I wasted no time racing to the Hokage's office. As we leaped from rooftop to rooftop, our arms trailing behind us as the wind whipped past our ears, all the possibilities I could think of flew around my head, filling me with dread. Our surroundings flashed by me like a blur, my full attention solely on what lay ahead. We got there in record time, but not soon enough, as the room was already filled with a nervous energy, an energy that only increased when everyone caught site of us walking though the halls.

"Okay, I'm getting nervous," I muttered under my breath to Shikamaru. "What do you think he's done?"

"I don't know," he replied, "but I guess we're about to find out."

Up ahead, waiting outside the door to Lady Tsunade's office, was Shizune pacing up and down the hallway, Tonton watching her worriedly. Upon spotting us, she jumped as if we had struck her.

"Sakura, Shikamaru! You're here, thank goodness. Lady Tsunade needs to speak with you at once."

"What's going on?"

"It's not my place to say, I'm sorry. The Hokage will explain everything to you shortly. Please, go in." She ushered us in without much grace, and had I not had ninja training, I'm sure I would have stumbled at her insistence. "They're here," she announced before closing the door between us.

Ever the observant kunoichi, I immediately took in my surroundings. Usually, Lady Tsunade's office was filled with papers and forms to an almost comical extent, but today the room was clear of all clutter. Shikamaru and I shared a foreboding glance. This did _not_ look good.

"Sakura, Shikamaru," Lady Tsunade greeted us both. The exhaustion was clear in her voice, and I could hear the regret seeping through. My heart quickened.

"Hokage," we both greeted with a bow.

"Sit down please," she ordered, gesturing to the chairs in front of her desk. With great trepidation, we obeyed.

"You asked to see us?"

"I did," she nodded. Ugly dark bags hung under red-rimmed eyes. She looked exhausted. "As you are both aware, Sasuke has returned."

"Yes," I admitted. "He was at my apartment yesterday. He wasn't very happy concerning the work we've been doing."

"He still isn't," she confirmed. "Last night he came storming back and demanded a meeting with the village elders, insisting a non-Uchiha had no right to access clan files. He demanded the experiment be shut down straight away."

"Please tell me they didn't agree," I begged, my heart sinking. The idea that everything I had been working toward would suddenly account for nothing was more than heartbreaking. After all the begging I had to do to get a hold of those records, the months of sleepless nights I spent pouring over their every detail – to have to give up all my progress because of _him _felt like an unspeakable horror. I ground my teeth together to keep my angry cry from unleashing. I couldn't accept such a verdict.

"They didn't," Tsunade hurriedly assured me. "You've made a lot of progress – valuable progress – and I did my best to fight on your behalf. But naturally, Sasuke was just as insistent." She shook her head heavily. "I'm so sorry."

"Lady Hokage, please," Shikamaru interjected, "there must be some way to continue. Can't we reach some form of compromise?"

I placed my hand over his, silently thanking him for his support. The gesture was not lost on Tsunade. Her eyes tightened, regret pooling within their depths that took me aback. What was with that look directed straight at me?

"There was one," Lady Tsunade forced out finally. "As I said, the elders were hesitant to drop such a valuable study…so they suggested a compromise, one which Sasuke's agreed with. I tried to fight for an alternative, but they wouldn't hear of another solution."

"What exactly is this compromise?"

With slow, delicate movements, Tsunade stood from her chair and moved around her desk, approaching me steadily. Each step resonated throughout the room like that of a bell signaling an execution. My breath caught in my throat as I felt Shikamaru squeeze my hand tighter. Tsunade regarded us evenly before beginning to speak.

"The only people with rights to the Uchiha records are the elders, myself, and the Uchiha clan."

Lady Tsunade's words pieced the air around me like an arrow aimed at my heart, and as the weight of the implications settled, I felt the beginning of my world falling apart. The pieces matched up, the dots connected. I felt my heart tighten with fear.

They wouldn't. They wouldn't do this.

Lady Tsunade squared her shoulders, facing us with the determined regret of a leader sending troops into a battle she was certain they would not return from. I wanted to scream in denial, but couldn't find my voice.

"I am deeply sorry, Sakura, but the elders deemed your research too important to lose."

_No._

"Therefore, it is my duty to inform you that, by order of the village elders, you are to marry Sasuke Uchiha before the full moon…in three week's time."

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THERE YOU GO. For all of you that wanted Sasuke to return, enjoy the mayhem he has now created. You're welcome.

Let me know what you think and I will see you all next time!

Cheers.


End file.
